It’s my fault

[Yumaris]

Not feeling happy at all.. I feel like I have ruined my family’s life. Had a conversation w my spouse and feel like im holding him back and my son. If i never met my spouse he would have achieved his dream and been happy... he would have gotten the job he wanted and been financially stable and my son would have everything he wants.... my fault we got a house he dislikes, my fault he’s working 2 jobs... my fault we are living pay check by pay check... i ruined his life and now im slowly doing it to my son. I won’t be able to pay tuition... won’t be able to help w college tuition in a couple years... im just convinced that me being here is ruining everyone.... everyone will be happy if i wasnt around. Hate myself..

[prince_cess]

be happy that you have a son. And be it reason to arrange your life. Your lucky to have a son you know.

[Yumaris in reply to prince_cess]

I am lucky to have him... but i feel like im failing him...

[prince_cess in reply to Yumaris]

My parents sometimes thought that they failed us because they can't support our study that is why i am already 29 but still in college. But you know i always admire them, i just can't express it. To think that they think about my future is sometimes enough for me to continue my study. Financial support is important but emotional and moral support is more important to me. I'm sharing this to you. Just maybe your son dont hate you.

[Agora1]

Yumaris, you described most families who live paycheck to paycheck.

All of these components in you meeting your husband were for a reason.

You wouldn't have had your son. A house is just a house. To make it a home

requires the people within it.

This all sound like depression talking for you. You need to talk with a professional

who can help you through these harmful self doubts you have. Last but not least

you can't find peace until you learn to love yourself. Right now, the hate you feel

is growing like a weed. Please seek help. We want to keep you safe. xx

[Yumaris]

Thank you... I really try to be strong but im holding so much in and this conversation just made me feel like crap... he sd he wants to quit his job and f everything... ive been working at my same job for almost 20 years.. he’s been fired/ laid off several times during that time. Ive taken so much verbal abuse from him... ive done everything for him and this is what i get... not fair.. im also feeling pressure its just not him... just bc I don’t verbalize doesn’t mean im not feeling...

Ive tried therapy and it makes me feel worse and more angry....

[Agora1 in reply to Yumaris]

Yumaris, your response changes the picture some. I didn't realize you have been

working steady for 20 years. It sounds like your husband's frustration stems not

from you but from his own failures in keeping a job. Nobody deserves to be

verbally abused. Something is causing him to feel this way and he is putting all

the blame on you. It is not fair to you. Is there not a way that both of you can

have an adult talk w/o accusations in who's to blame for the situation you're in?

If he can't talk w/o putting your down then you need to reach out for help in order

to keep your sanity. What is it about therapy that made you feel worse as well as

angry? xx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I completely understand this feeling of just ruining things. I wish I could say something to help you. But all I can say is I hope you and things get better. And know that someone else is out there who feels things like that. And I don’t know you, but I love you for being strong enough to post this and try to help yourself in that way. That’s saying something. ❤️

[Yumaris in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[Mrspjsmom]

Your husband could have said no let's keep looking instead of buying a house he dislikes. He could have chosen to follow his dream or get a different job than the one he has. And your son just may have to pay his own tuition, many students do. He may have to apply for scholarships, get a part time job and start saving toward college and consider what college he wants to go to and if the tuition is worth it. Maybe he would prefer to learn a trade. I paid for college myself and both of my children attended a two year community college. My daughter transferred to a local four year school to get her bachelor degree in nursing and is now back in school part time while working full time and living on her own to pursue a masters degree. As soon as she was 18 she started working at a hospital as a nurse assistant to take advantage of tuition reimbursement. All of this IS NOT your fault! Your husband and son have to be responsible for themselves. Blaming you is easy. Taking responsibility and working hard to reach your goals is much harder. Please take care of yourself and don't let your husband blame you. He is responsible for things too. HUGS and BLESSINGS!

[Yumaris]

Thank you.. I appreciate all your advice and experiences... I’m trying to hold ittogether... can’t stop crying.

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Yumaris]

I hope my response didn't sound too harsh toward your husband. Your post resonated with me because I tend to feel guilty and blame myself for everything. Especially when it comes to my family. It took a suicide attempt and ECT treatments for me to realize I am important to them. Hope you feel a bit better today. We all do the best we can and it sounds like you have tried very hard to make things easier for your husband and son. HUGS!

[Yumaris in reply to Mrspjsmom]

I’ve had suicide attempts in the past but i keep thinking about my son.... he confides and depends on mebut lately I started cutting ..... gives me temporary relief... yes, i do put everyone’s feelings and needs before mines...

Still feel crappy.. stressing on what to expect when I get home tonight.

[Yumaris]

Probably but I don’t feel it .. more from my spouse. I feel neglected... and he knows his words and behavior effects me.

[Yumaris]

Years ago but it made me feel worse ... i feel as if he should go also... bc me going is only half of the problem...

I have alot of anxiety and depression and i swear he does it on purpose...

[Yumaris]

When I try it’s a monologue... him talking... blaming me... won’t let me put a word in and if I try he will revert it back... it’s draining.

Therapy brings things from the past and it triggers... there are other things from my past that still effects me to this day... I was abused several times when i was a child.

[Agora1 in reply to Yumaris]

Yumaris, there is no doubt that therapy is difficult and wearing. The thing is that we

cannot go forward by sweeping the issues under the carpet. I am truly sorry that you

were abused as a child but it needs to be addressed as well as your situation today

which may very well bring up those same emotions from the past. xx

[Yumaris]

I do everything here... he goes to work and pay bills and occasionally but rarely fixes things... i do everyrhing else even raising my son on my own... he doesn’t have a relationship w him.... which makes me VERY resentful...

Im sorry I’m bothering you guys... I have no one to vent and this forum helps me alittle

[Chanshan]

after reading your response, your husband is hurting you intentionally as he knows the right buttons to press. Any one blames spouse for loosing job is selfish guy. Looks like you are raising your son all alone. You are quite strong by any standard. Just because we have depression and anxiety, does not mean we can't be strong in life. Just hang around and you are making other lives better. You have son and job. Try to enjoy that.

[pink318]

Hello Yumaris,

I’m so sorry you feel this way. You have mentioned that you tried therapy but it made you worse and angry. Try to find another doctor to help you with all the emotions you are going through.

I hope you will get the help you need to stay strong.

I pray that things will work out fine in your family and you will have peace as you all go through this journey. Please keep us posted.

[Yumaris in reply to pink318]

Thank you

[Shutterbug65]

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I wish I had the words to help you feel better. So many others here on HU do a much better job in offering advice then me. But Yumaris I do know how it feels to feel worthless, but also these are only negative thoughts. You have so much to offer , your a good person and you matter. How your husband feels is not your fault, he should be thankful that he has someone like you in his life. And there are many different paths your son can take to help pay for tuition if he decides college is right for him. But depression and it’s evil twin anxiety makes worthless and useless but it’s all a lie.

I hope by the time you read this your feeling better. And many of us live paycheck to paycheck I’m one of them.

Take care of yourself.

[Sabio77]

you are married yes. that means you share in the relationship. you are not to take the shame and blame game and guilt.

[Yumaris in reply to Sabio77]

Ty... something that has been going on for years.. I’ve allowed it.

[Sabio77]

its never too late to make better choices. to set healthy boundaries and to believe in yourself.

[Sabio77]

you got this.... you are stronger than you think. fear, doubt, worry, what ifs, guilt... all lies. speak life into yourself with who you truly are. start fighting back with positive reinforcing words. you can say in your mind to yourself or out loud in the mirror. either way you are worthy of abundance and prosperity.

[Yumaris in reply to Sabio77]

I tried but the energy has been sucked out of me. I do care for him... i wish I can open his eyes. I pretend to be strong but honestly words hurt.

[Sabio77 in reply to Yumaris]

yes, I do know first hand how verbal abuse hurts. I urge you to dig a little deeper within yourself to fight for a better version of you. I mean, start counting your blessings, speak positive words to yourself in your mirror. start with the small things and then you will begin to change the mindset. the battle is in our minds. you are enough. you can do this. you worthy of peace of mind, a happy life. you were created with special talents. look into those and how to develop those more. as you focus more on you for positivity, the negativity falls off automatically. write a journal beginning with when you wake up til you go to bed and sleep at night. the next morning write how your previous night went. this is a powerful tool. be sure to include foods, drinks, places you went or wanted to go and didn't, people you talked to but for some reason didn't. don't leave anything out.

[Yumaris in reply to Sabio77]

Something hard for me to do... I did have a journal and it did help. Ty

[Sabio77 in reply to Yumaris]

believe in yourself.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Did he say this to you? Are you making assumptions for him?

How do you know he would have gotten the job he wanted. I wish to be Empress and I interview but darn that ex of mine just ruined it for me. Does that sound realistic? No.

Life doesn’t work that way dear. He loves you. He married you. Life throws obstacles at you constantly. You survive. I’ve always worked two jobs and I’m not sure that’s what an Empress should be doing! 👸. I live in the USA. They keep telling me we don’t have an empress and I owe medical bills. I wear my tiara while I write out checks to all my doctors and *their* kids get to go to snooty schools.

If he didn’t want you now he would go. I hated my last two houses. I only like this one because by the time I’m done it won’t look anything like this.

You’re focusing on the unimportant. Your son will be fine. Your husband loves you. Time to stop ruminating and watch something funny on tv or do something with your hands.

You have never ruined anything.

Doaty💛

[Yumaris in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

I get what your saying and yes, he has told me these things. There’s more to it but I won’t get into it. But, I appreciate your honest opinion and advice!