Feeling broken today

[vanessi]

Hi, everybody, it is me again, well i feel really depressed today, i have cried and i miss my old life.

I think it is gonna be a tough month 'till the end of february cos my ex and i planned to book my flights during this month and go to ireland before february ended. I just remember that and i want to cry. How happy i was gonna be if that would be true. Now i don't have any future nor hopes. He took everything i had with him and now i am so empty.

Some people has told me he loves me but he can't be with someone like me cos i am immature, cos he is 36 and i am 23, and he realised it was a mistake to be with me. I was wondering why they said that.

Just cos i fell in love with a man who is 13 years older than me? why the age has to be a problem if he loves me? is not love something pure that doesn't focus on religion, race, age, sex, so on? why all that has to be so immature?

I wish i could disappear right now, i had everything i wanted and i was completly happy but he broke all the good i had in my heart

What a miserable life i have, i see the days passing but i don't feel better, i don't see any hope.

[Hidden]

Vanessi I don't think that's it. Because your immature? Why would they say that? Being older than you should have no effect. If he felt like that then he would of felt that from the beginning before it got serious between you two. When you love someone you stop at nothing to be with them and make them happy. There are couples out there who are 20+ years apart, 13 years is nothing. This will be a very tough time for you because as you said this would of been the month when you too had all the plans for your future. The only thing I can tell you is to try to stay strong, you won't stop feeling hurt from one day to another, healing takes time.

[vanessi in reply to Hidden]

i feel so bad cos i really wanted to get to this month so i was gonna see him again, you have no idea how hard was for both of us to separate at the airport. He promised me i had nothing to worry about and see what happened, it hurts a lot

[SpeaktheTruth]

So sorry you are feeling this way. Nothing I can say will fix the pain right now. It will take time, but it will start feeling better. I was devastated when my relationship ended. I was in a deep depression for about a year and a half. I had resolved to be miserable the rest of my life. One day, a special girl walked into my life that I thought would never be interested in me because I was a few years older than her. Now we are happily married with 2 great kids. She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.

You are a beautiful young lady with her whole life ahead of her. There are plenty of nice guys out there that would be lucky to have you in their lives. When the time is right, you meet the one for you and it will be great. Hang in there, cry when you need to. Just keep finding things that you enjoy and keep moving forward in your life. Let your close friends know how you are feeling and what you are going through because they might not know it. They’ll be there to pick you up when you are down.

[vanessi in reply to SpeaktheTruth]

I don't enjoy doing the things i used to like, it is totally opposite, they make me feel more depressed. I was a happy woman when i was with him, he made me be a better person. I can't see my life with anybody, i still love him and every day it is a battle. We had some many plans for this month and for the next one too, and now everything is ruined. I really saw sharing my life with him. I didn't have eyes for anyone just him.

I don't even want to remember my past cos now affects me so much, sometimes i would like to disappear, i would like to die so this pain would stop. I don't see any future nor hope. I don't have more dreams nor plans, i feel so lost i just see days passing and i realise how miserable is my life

[Justswimming]

You are only 23 you will.get over him. Why are you dating someone so much older? Did you not have a dad or something? Relax you have you're whole life ahead of you. Give it time focus on goals like college? Your family and friends... Volunteer that will make you feel better. Feel better. Take care of yourself.

[vanessi in reply to Justswimming]

i have dad and i have always been attracted to older men. I was not just dating him, we were gonna get married this year. And i'm 23 years old but i graduated from college almost 2 years ago.

Believe me if he weren't so important to me i would get over it. It is not as simple as that.

[Justswimming]

You sound really immature if you think your life is over due to one relationship ending. How do you know he is not involved with someone else or even married. Guys like young girls to have sex with then realize they have nothing in common. You are at a different point in your life then someone in their late 30s. By that age you should have an established career be done partying and have life experience.

[vanessi in reply to Justswimming]

Believe it or not we have lots of things in common. And i know he was not with someone else or married and that is a true fact. If you think i am immature for feeling really sad cos i lost my partner so think it, you cannot understand my feelings and not even everything i went through my relationship.

"Guys like young girls to have sex with" I don't think it is just older men like to have sex with young girls, that is in general, young men love to have sex with girls with the same age, or whatever.

And that is why i avoid getting involved with people with your same thoughts. So cos i am young i can't have someone that truly loves me cos the age? And i don't expect you agree with or get my point cos as i said, you are not on my shoes and you don't know what i lived with my ex.

[gogogirl in reply to Justswimming]

You're callling someone immature who is depressed because people called her that? No very supportive are you? Also, people do not always walk a straight line in life. You sound judgmental and are projecting your own issues.

[NewYearNewMe2]

Hi Vanessi, I’m sorry your going through this, I too have recently separated from my husband, after 12 years together, he told me he no longer loved me and was leaving, I’ve been left completely heartbroken wondering what I did wrong as I still love him completely. We have 5 children our youngest is just 5 months, luckily I have no choice but to keep it together, I have to for them, I’ve started exercising a lot I find it helps especially yoga, maybe you could try finding a new hobby something to help take your mind of things? Maybe see your doctor and explain how your feeling? honestly I feel your pain, and I hope your mood starts to pick up soon, Our son is 2 today and it’ll be the first time I see the in laws since the split I’m scared I’m not going to be able to keep it together and ruin his party, so wish me luck I think I’ll need it. And good luck to you I hope you can find the answers you need to move on.

[Hidden in reply to NewYearNewMe2]

Hi, I am so sorry about your experience with your husband. But trust me, it is better to split up that be stuck in a loveless marriage. I know way too many people who are like that. You sound like a really good mum, but also I am so proud of you for taking care of yourself. That should be a priority. I too went through a painful breakup (fiance cut me off completely, with one month for the wedding. Left me to cancel everything, tell everyone and acting like I am an enemy. In my case, I don't waste tears on those who don't do the same for me. So I went for therapy and managed to get back to my old happy self within 2-3 months. I guess I was determined not to let him bring me down). Like you say, one thing that helped immensely was focusing on my well-being. I started HIIT and yoga, started dressing better and eating better. I am happier now than I was ever with him. I think once you make that decision - "I am not going to drag myself down over someone who does not love me anymore. I am a beautiful, strong woman. I will make my life better than it ever was. I will be the best mother. I will be the best version of myself" - you can do it!

[NewYearNewMe2 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for this you really have made my day, I have had a few tears today in private But I’m proud of myself for holding it together so well, I also am determined to be happier and healthier this year, I’m still only 30 after all ☺️

[vanessi in reply to NewYearNewMe2]

You are actually a strong woman, i know you keep strong for your five kids and i really admire you. With my weakness i can't even get up from bed.

It is a bad feeling when someone you love doesn't wanna be with you anymore. Every time i ask myself what did i do wrong. Still don't get the answer

[NewYearNewMe2 in reply to vanessi]

Try to stop wondering what you did wrong and if your good enough and start thinking about the mistake he’s making and if he was ever good enough for you 😊

[vanessi in reply to NewYearNewMe2]

Yes, right now i feel so disappointed of him, he has shown me a new version of him that i don't like.. He ruined everything. Look i love him so much but i don't wanna see him nor talk to him. He has hurt me so much. I also see talking to him so pointless cos he keeps saying he loves me but he can't be with me.

[gogogirl in reply to vanessi]

I am here if you want to privately message me. You are not immature by the way- it sounds like he has issues. Notice that sometimes people fault the women but the men skate by- not always but it does happen. Who says you did anything wrong? Sometimes life can throw us a curve ball. As a matter of fact you sound wise beyond your years. I will bet something good will come from this- like meeting new people, interests, careers etc.

[vanessi in reply to gogogirl]

Thank you so much really, yes he was the one who decided to finish, even though we made our plans together. i hope to get over this.

I will take on count to message you, i am here if you need something too.

[gogogirl in reply to vanessi]

Well thank you. As far as the person who called you immature- hope you ignore it- this is a place to be supported not put down. Do not be afraid to grieve your loss for as long as you need- and move on when you are ready.

[vanessi in reply to NewYearNewMe2]

Hi, first of all good luck, i hope things are going great. And thank you for sharing, i think your situation is way harder cos you have kids. Honestly i miss him so much and i love him but i can't do so much if he doesn't want me anymore.

I feel a little better today, well i guess it depends on the days, even though it is gonna be a tough month cos i think of my old plans but anyway, i will try no to think so much of it. You are a strong woman.

[NewYearNewMe2 in reply to vanessi]

Thank you it’s the children that keep grounded I know I have to stay ok for them I did go to my doctor for help as I didn’t think I could cope ( I was wrong) he did prescribe short term antidepressants which were a god send today has been tough but I held it together and I’m proud of myself for it.

[gogogirl]

He probably did you a favor!

[mysmugcat]

I feel your pain and I am sorry. I lost my partner eight months ago from cancer and it is devastating-we have both had losses for different reasons. pm anytime.

[vanessi in reply to mysmugcat]

I know, it is hard, i miss him so much but even if he is still alive i will probably never see him again. I am so sorry about your loss

[hiimadi]

One person should not have the power to affect your entire life, even if he's and older man and you REALLY admire men that are older. I personally would tell you from experience STAY AWAY FROM OLDER men! (Especially if they are rich millionaires! Ha, ha, just kidding.) Age gap DOES make a difference. Older guys just want your looks and can be needy or controlling. (In my opinion, anyway.) Watch interviews of Donald and Melania Trump of when they were engaged, or even now. They are not from the same generation and there looks like a lot of nothing between them. They don't seem to be on the same page AT ALL! The main reason Donald married her was because she was a famous beautiful supermodel. As for the gender question, I don't remember where I saw this poll but it sounds good to me; LGBT relationships have a 99.7 rate of infidelity in their marriage and straight marriages have an infidelity percentage of only like 40 or 60 (I forgot I read it like 2 years ago, sorry) percent. You don't have to believe me but you're better marrying a guy and you shouldn't want to marry really older guy unless he's seriously committed to you and ready to support you. I'm not saying you'll feel in love, but you'll feel protected and live a life of comfort, which is good enough for girls that are desperate. If not, then he doesn't deserve you. I would tell you to become a supermodel, but while you're very pretty, you don't fit the requirements (height, symmetry, ectetera.) The reason they're called "super" is because they're so rare, and anyway, supermodels are born, not made. In the meantime focus on being normal, go out with people your age, be normal. Don't let one guy ruin your life. If you can't do that then maybe you have an anxiety disorder that needs to be treated. If you can't afford it, then do activities that will make you happy- singing, art, dancing, or exercising. Remember, "we can't choose our life's circumstances but we can chose how we react to them."

[vanessi in reply to hiimadi]

I accept your point of view, but i have a different one. I was engaged with this man, everything was ok and suddenly everything. And it is not that i admire older men, i feel attracted to them phisically and mentally. With my ex, we had many things in common, we had our dreams and plans together believe it or not

I still love him and this is a big loss for me. it has changed my life cos he was one of the most important ppl in my life. I was not just dating this man, everything was serious. And for me it is more than looks, money, etc. It is the way i felt when i was with him