Am I a bad person

[rainbowshades]

I'm currently studying medicine in the hopes of becoming a doctor. But honestly, my family members are more excited of me learning medicine than I am.

I've come to realise my passion is not here. I've tried telling my mother, but I know it broke her heart. So I immediately took my back my words. For her, I probably said all those things due to stress.

But my passion is in writing. And I also have another problem. I'm on scholarship so I just can't bail out

I keep reminding myself a lot pf people didn't get this opportunity. Other people who are passionate in medicine didn't get the chance that I have. So I should not waste it. Keep my head down and drown myself in this field.

To keep myself going through the day however, I promise myself once I've graduated and paid my loans (I'm tied to a contract entitled to a few years of working to pay off the debts), I would quit and pursue writing.

Hopefully I've saved enough money by then if anything goes south.

But does my plan make me a bad person. Being a doctor just so that I could pay my debts?

[Hidden]

Personally, I don't think it's wrong or makes you a bad person whatsoever. Your situation is certainly a difficult one and it's a shame you don't feel the same way about medicine anymore. However, if you know it will support you in the future and you're already in the thick of it, you can always try something else in the future. Who knows, you might even grow to like it and use the talent you secretly want to pursue in your field somehow (I am sure writing ties into medicine somehow). If not, you can always do your craft on the side. That's what I do since fine art doesn't pay squat.

Regardless, I would feel the same as you and not want to spoil the scholarship or opportunity. But if it gets to the point where you are miserable, I would definitely be honest with yourself and your family. It's your life after all and only you can decide how you wish to live it. I hope you're able to figure this out but remember that it's not about what your family wants, it's about what you want.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Well said BCG. x

[rainbowshades in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for that. For now I'll just go with the flow since my other passion is also learning new things and in medicine there's always new things to learn.

[Hidden in reply to rainbowshades]

You're welcome! Good for you, it sounds like you can make the best with your situation after all. You never know what other opportunities might come about by sticking with it.

[Hidden]

A bad person for what? Being honest with yourself? In my opinion it is best you figure things out now before you are a doctor. Who wants to see a doctor who isn’t interested in medicine? That said. Did you ever consider doing both? You can be a doctor and a writer. John Grisham was a lawyer and writer. Who said you can’t do both?

[rainbowshades in reply to Hidden]

Yeah I've read one of his books and at the end they put an interview transcript with him. He mentioned writing should be made a 2nd job in case you get writer's block I guess.

Anyway thanks

[mrmonk]

Take heart, rainbowshades, there are lots of writers who are/were also physicians; the first one that came to my mind was the American poet, William Carlos WIlliams. And I daresay, many writers of all stripes have "day-jobs" of one sort or another.

So, I think you should follow your bliss...just be sure you can pay the bills.

And your plan in no way makes you a bad person.

[Dolphin14]

Don't let anyone plan your future but you.

You will figure it out.

I love the sounds of a doctor writing novels. I'm a nurse. Would love to read a novel with accurate medical descriptions.

There are lots of things you can do with a medical degree. Doesn't have to be patient care. So, hopefully you will find another avenue that appeals to you.

[Hidden]

If you are 100% sure you dont want to be a doctor of any form, then you should get out and make room for someone who does. It is a huge expense for the education and you will have to complete so many tasks that require hands on with patients. They do not need a half hearted intern performing life or death procedures. Maybe take a leave of absence until you know.

[Junella]

No, my husband became a dentist and found it was not what he wanted. He would have liked being an architect or builder. He worked for nonprofits for awhile for the poor. He then got into a 3-yeqr dental research program which was better and then worked for an insurance company checking on dentists. He saw so much corruption/cheating, he left dentistry and did dental hygiene until he became disabled from Lyme disease and retired.

There may be some other way you can use your medical knowledge in writing and teaching health concepts. We need preventative medicine more than doctors. They just dispense pills or do surgery and have not time with patients and this gets discouraging. There is often a big profit motive. Medicine needs reforming more than insurance.

If you just started your study you can quit. But I can tell you there is no career in writing unless you get expensive degrees and/or have connections and are lucky. I wrote for a magazine many years--I loved it but not much money and no connections for a book. Self-publishing one book was a disappointment and I was taken advantage of by publisher. I haven't the courage to try another--should have gotten an agent. Remember it is rare to make money from writing. You must have a recognizable name from prior books or experience in some field.