A night out

[vanessi]

Hi everybody well i want to share this with you cos i don't have many friends. I feel really sad today as always, i keep thinking what will i do with myself, etc.

Last night my brother took me out to a club with some friends, i was very quiet during the night, just me with my drink while everybody was dancing, some of my friends asked me about me and my ex and my plans to move in Feb, i only said the things between me and him weren't ok cos i didn't want to give a whole explanation of what happened and what's my real emotional state.

I tried to cheer up while the drinks were running but i was the same, trying to fake i am ok while deep inside i am not. I think it was a bad idea cos i didn't enjoy it and i started having anxiety at the very start. A guy came to me and ask me to dance, i didn't accept , i couldn't even look at his face just cos he was not my ex. Then i left.

Now i am here at home, in bed typing this cos i feel so sad and lonely. I always get kind of needy after a night out and even if i was far, me and my ex were so close and talked for hours through skype and the phone. I need him so much today but i know he's gone and makes me feel terrible.

Definately i will stop going out to clubs for now cos i see happy ppl around me and i get sadder.

Apart from this, no one has called me for a job interview so i am worried maybe it is just bad luck. My ex left me without job, money and not even dreams. I am so sorry i am always this negative but i can't see any hope in my life. Anyway i hope you are having a better saturday.

[Simonn]

Maybe night clubs are not the best for you at the moment. Whats about groups where you share an interest do you have any hobbies or interests. You are doing the best you can dont be too hard on yourself

[vanessi in reply to Simonn]

I agree with you, no more clubs for now. When i was there i did feel bad, i was thinking: "what am i doing here"? really bad idea. But i try to do other stuff too. like reading or watching documentaries about history.

Thanks for replying

[HearYou]

Simon 's reply was a very good one. It's going to take time for you to heal in your own way.xx

[vanessi in reply to HearYou]

Yes i know, i don't understnad how some people can do that. Even my ex when we broke up he was enjoying himself so much, but well he was the one who decided the breakup so was easy for him.

I try my best. i try not to think of bad things, being with my family helps me a lot, just people who really love me and care about me

[aaaggg1147]

I feel and understand you on this. Maybe try to focus on yourself and loving yourself rather than forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations. Self love will help you immensely. I hope you heal ❤️

[vanessi in reply to aaaggg1147]

Thank you, it is a long way but i am trying hard. Sometimes i would like to disappear. Life is really hard when you have depression