My anxiety sometimes gets so out of control I dream and even make plans to disappear from everyone I know...I actually have this fantasy of packing my hiking bag and just take off on foot and leave everything behind including modern technology...not only do I not understand how or why I feel, even after years of therapy and being on several meds nothing makes sense or helps...I do have it under somewhat control...but it’s embarrassing for other to know the real me or to try and explain...I hate attention or feeling like a burden, and everyone says they are concerned, but it still makes me feel ashamed... “ I don't belong in the world
But that's what it is
Something separates me from other people
Everywhere I turn
There's something blocking my escape”
I sometimes even try or wish people close to me would just hate me so it would make it easier and I would not feel guilt, honestly hurting others and knowing the sadness I would bring is the only reason I keep trying...