Want to live

My childhood was not the greatest, and growing up and going thru life holding onto secrets, has not helped my situation, now I'm 42, I have 3 children and 2 grandchildren, it's hard not to be able to do things for your kids like birthday parties, going on family outtings, school events because I'm too afraid to go anywhere. I hate feeling this way and I wish I could change, I saw this website and figured I would give it a try,because all I've ever wanted it to talk to someone, I feel if I could just get everything out I might change. I want to live, no one knows how I feel because everyday I put on a fake smile and try to make everyone around me happy.. I have kept all this bottled up inside my whole life..

14 Replies

  • Well here you can vent your frustration and even get us to support you in that. Say whatever you need to say except no politics or religion. I recently forgot one of those rules and a moderator had to edit my mistake. In a very friendly way! There's a great bunch of people here to encourage you and listen to you. To offer advice and to listen to your advice. It goes both ways.

    If you're afraid of going to your kid's and grandkid's birthday parties and other social events, may I suggest it's time to be checked out by your family doctor and to get a counselor to help you deal with this problem with the goal of getting past your discomfort in being around so many people??

    The root cause of these problems is the anxiety, which must be addressed if you are to get any better. And you can get better.

  • Thank you SueSz , I went to my doctor 5 years ago which is when he prescribed me zoloft, I hated the way it made me feel,i felt worse, so when he wanted to prescibe me lithium I stopped going.. My supervisor even had a meeting with me and told me I should see about medication..she doesn't even know anything about my anxiety I guess she noticed it tho. I just really don't like being on medication. Any stress relieving tips? When I take showers at night I cry, that way no one will see me...everyone thinks I'm the happiest person ever, but inside I feel alone and afraid.

  • It's normal to feel alone and afraid with these type of problems. That's a symptom of depression and/or anxiety. They both isolate you. So it's very good that you found this site where we all know about this feeling of loneliness and isolation.

    No one wants to take medicine. We just do it to feel better in spite of the side effects. To be able to do normal things that we can't do without medication. It's a trade-off. Perfect isn't one of our choices. It's about the serenity prayer. Accepting the things we can't change.

    I'm giving you a long list of non-drug things you can choose from to help your anxiety in the next post from me. You might find a good answer there. But if you aren't close to 100% well with something from that list, man up and start trying some meds, please.

  • Some natural remedies and non-drug sources of information are books, videos, and workbooks suggested by other people on this site:

    1---"I've found David D. Burns' "Feeling Good" and "When Panic Attacks" to be very helpful."

    2---"I am working through the anxiety workbook by Dr David Carbonell and it has helped immensely!!! "

    3---Mindfulness has helped many people and is now recommended by doctors in the UK. Here’s just 1 link that explains it’s usefulness: heartwoodrefuge.org/benefit.... Another option of many is called MINDSHIFT. You can download it to your phone from Google Playstore.

    4---TRE (Trauma releasing exercises) is something you can learn in a class but you don't have to talk about your problems and once you have learned the technique you can use it at home.

    5---"A good book that I came across recently is "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, 6th Edition" by Edmund J. Bourne, PhD. You might find this book to be of some help to you, although communicating your thoughts and feelings in a group setting is enormously helpful as well. "

    6---“The book DARE, which is about anxiety. It’s a very good book about accepting anxiety and letting go of the fear. The author is Barry Mcdonagh and he also has a YouTube channel and a Facebook support group.”

    7---For anxiety: Claire Weekes audio books on iTunes. “Self Held for Your Nerves” is one title that is good. You can see her on YouTube. “The Dr. Claire Weekes book is easy to understand and will help you on your way to recovery through acceptance.”

    8---Another really good CD and book is the Linden method.

    9---How to be good with yourself: self-compassion.org/the-thr...10---Try the meditation app called Headspace. It's done in 10 mins slots once a day.

    10---Videos on YouTube by THAT ANXIETY GUY helps with anxiety re: depersonalization/ de-realization states.

    11—For UK residents: Have you ever been in touch with the organisation called MIND? They offer one to one sessions with a Project Worker free. They also run courses that you can attend free of charge. One of the courses is about Anxiety. Their website is mind.org.uk

    12---"Go on the psychology today site and look for a therapist that specializes in anxiety."

    13---Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect? self-compassion.org/the-thr...

    14---“Have you ever listened to Louise Hay on YouTube? Some of the talks help motivate you and hopefully you will feel a positive energy.”

    15---“I called one of these online therapist sites. The therapist was really good. It was prestoexperts dot com. Her name was Lori Burke. Definitely a professional and she got me through this awful depression/anxiety morning.” (There is a charge for this service)

    16---For meditation look at:

    Tara Brach and Chopra Center


    18---“AnxietyNoMore” by Paul Bywater. A phone app.

    19---“At Last a Life” book by Paul David.

    20---The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

    Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance

    By: Matthew McKay PhD, Jeffrey Wood PsyD, Jeffrey Brantley MD

    A Clear and Effective Approach to Learning DBT Skills

    First developed for treating borderline personality disorder, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) has proven effective as treatment for a range of other mental health problems, especially for those characterized by overwhelming emotions. Research shows that DBT can improve your ability to handle distress without losing control and acting destructively. In order to make use of these techniques, you need to build skills in four key areas-distress tolerance, mindfulness, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness.

    Source: NewHarbingerPublications

    Caution for non-Buddhists: Zen Buddhism inspired aspects of DBT, along with behavioral science and dialectical philosophy. Source: GoodTherapy.com.

  • hi I'm new to this site too and no exactly what you mean what you have put down sounds just like me I know the feeling all too well and I do feel for you hunny I'm here to listen hun

  • Thank you donnamarie, I'm having a bad time with my anxiety and depression today, my mother told me something yesterday that set me way back, I'm so depressed right now...I don't even want to talk to my mother anymore..I've only seen her 3 times in 20 years anyway.. I'm trying real hard not to be mad or upset at her..and I'm sure she didn't mean to upset me, but she did..ugggg I hate feeling this way

  • hopefully this will not last long I moved over 67 miles away from my family and as for my mum well what was it she said hun x

  • My mother told me that her father ( my grandfather) did a lot of bad things to her as a child..my grandfather was the only man in my life that I trusted and was good to me..he was my best friend,,my stepfather rapped me from age 5 to 15 when I finally told someone...my whole life men have been mean to me,,my brother molested me, the father of my children beat me for 11 years, raped me at gunpoint, and now the only man I ever trusted I find out is also a rapist, I'm hurt, I'm confused, I don't know what to think..

  • o you think she's said it on purpose, I also have been through very very similar to you and I really really do know what you mean it sounds like you need to have it out with your mum hun ,x

  • I blame her also, I remember telling her as a child and she stayed with him..I've been having , I don't know, flashbacks? Memories? Of things that happened to me.. I don't want to remember anymore.. I just want it to go away.. Is it normal to remember things you blocked as a child.

  • I get flash backs too I told my mum too when I was 11 she kicked me out by saying that I am stronger than he is it will kill him if he goes to prison

  • I have had to deal with depression since I was a little girl I was only diagnosed with anxiety around five years ago I can honestly say that I know what you mean

  • Hi donnamarie,

    I'm so very sorry about what has happened to you. It's so very wrong! You appear to have depression, anxiety and PTSD. All treatable and very much needing counseling. Are yu currently being treated with any medicines? And do you have a counselor or therapist? As I said to Bogard, your problems originate in real events, abuses, not just in chemical imbalances, and counseling can actually heal you tremendously. A LOT of counseling/therapy. I wish you the very best and I hope you'll be feeling better soon.

  • Bogard,

    I'm so very sorry you've had all this ugliness happen to you. And you've had the betrayal of the people you should have been able to trust. It's just so wrong!!! You're experiencing PTSD and depression. Have you thought about counseling? You very much need it and will for some time. It will help you get so much better without drugs because you're depressed over real events not simply a chemical imbalance. There's healing in counseling for you. You can check at the Psychology Today site for counselor's philosophies , education, costs, specialties and insurance accepted. I urge you to go if you haven't already been through it. Please take care and be gentle with yourself.

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