I don’t know what I want anymore

[Mifresita]

Me and my boyfriend have been fighting a lot lately. Some my fault, some his. But he fails to see how he is effecting me. He has a hard time viewing things from another persons perspective and I’m getting soooo tired... I don’t know if I still want to keep pushing for this relationship to work or completely stop trying. I want to make it known how I feel. I just know it will make him even angrier and make things worse. I’m always the one to apologize. He never apologizes for his actions when he’s a butt to me. My feminist side of me is thinking about how lame that must make me. I’m just falling into the stereotype of the woman always having to be submissive and apologetic while the man stays dominant and can do whatever they want. But it’s “always my fault”. I feel like if I broke up with him I would seriously regret it and feel as if I’m making the worst mistake of my life. I lost my virginity to him. He means the world to me honestly. I just wish he would listen to me and try to change. He obviously doesn’t care that much about me if he isn’t willing to change. He never supports me in an argument. Makes me feel small. Sometimes even dumb... but despite every negative. When we are together and happy it’s amazing. When we are both good and treat each other right it’s feels like heaven on earth. People just don’t know what’s right in front of them. I know I’m a good girlfriend. He just portrays me so negatively. I can be pessimistic sometimes but when he is sad or frustrated I try to get him to look on the bright side and sometimes it does make him feel better. I am very good to him. I sacrifice many things for him and do so much for him. Another thing that bothers me is that when he comes over, we barely even have conversation. He’s just always on his phone or watching videos or were either doing those things or actually doing it. I don’t know what I want anymore. All I know is that I need A LOT of space and to clear my head. 🥺

[Hidden]

Hey Mi,

I'm not a professional, but I'd say he's a narcist and you are an empath. It sounds like you're young and a romantic and he's taking advantage of you. I sounds like a part of you knows this, but is unwilling to accept it because you don't think enough of yourself to believe you deserve better. I've been in your shoes. The way you write shows that you're a smart cookie, probably smarter than him, but you give him tons of credit. I think you deserve better than wasting what might just become years on the fence for you, but you're gonna have to be brave. Brave enough to gamble on yourself. I think you got it in you, so I'll place a bet, see, I've got nothing to lose, but this is YOUR life. Whatever you choose to do, this is a safe place and you will have support here.

With Love Always... AU

[Mifresita in reply to Hidden]

If it sounded as if I was demonizing him I didn’t mean to. He can be really nice. Like in the beginning when he was trying to make me his girlfriend he was very persistent. And he was SUPER nice to me. Idk why people change. He doesn’t try to pursue me anymore. Other stuff is more important to him, I guess. I just opened up about how I felt to him and he said he felt really bad and had to go shower and then we hung up the FaceTime. He seemed really upset and seemed sad because I told him I wanted to be alone for a little bit. I think he’s showering to collect his thoughts. I just hope we don’t break up

[Mifresita in reply to Mifresita]

I tried to emphasize that breaking up isn’t what I wanted but he still looked like he was going to cry

[Hidden in reply to Mifresita]

You didn't demonize him, sweetie. Do some research on Narcissists and Empaths.

[Daisymom in reply to Hidden]

I agree with au… I’m very sorry you’re in this situation hon but this is a textbook narcissist and you need to get out fast and never look back… Learn from it if you see some of the red flags again you’ll recognize them faster and get out sooner. It’s just way too easy to fall for these kind of guys and they are the worst

[Mifresita in reply to Daisymom]

Thanks for the advice

[Mifresita in reply to Hidden]

I was shocked when I saw a video about an Empath and Narcissist relationship. It truly opened my eyes to something very new to me. I just always try to make excuses and he does too. Most of the time they’re good excuses; quite convincing

[Hidden in reply to Mifresita]

Hey Mi,

I'm glad that it shed a little light on the subject matter for you. I know how you're feeling because I've been where you are. One thing I can say is, work on yourself. Your partner is more than likely not aware of the way he is, the same as you aren't quite sure what's going on with you. The best way to make things work for Mifresita is to give her the attention she deserves. More than likely you are devoting all of your time to making your partner happy because you feel in the end that will make you feel happy (and it does as you say for a bit). But, your happiness relies on you. Take the steps to research. Read books by Wayne Dyer, Listen to audios from Louise Hay, follow women like Brene Brown, and if those people urge you to study and follow other people, do that. Nothing is a cure-all, but taking away some quality information from really smart people helps us to connect the dots for ourselves. Just know this Mi, this community is here for you.

WLA...AU

[Mifresita in reply to Hidden]

I’ve been doing a lot of research on narcissism and have even told him that he might be one. To which he denied. I started to analyze it more and I’ve noticed he does have some narcissistic traits but I don’t think he’s a narcissist because I feel that he does actually love me. And does feel remorse and even empathy at times. Just not, ALL the time. Then I started thinking I was the narcissist for even accusing him and telling him and blaming him. I started to demonetize him and tried to see his actions from the more selfish and manipulative or cunning viewpoint (because I thought or felt like I knew he was a narcissist). On top of that, I have been focusing on myself and actually trying my best to avoid him a little. Tomorrow I have school. I think I’m going to try to get some time to myself when it’s time for nutrition. At least 10 minutes. The only thing is. I feel like a true narcissist acts worse than he does. When he’s mad at me he either ignores me, shuts off, or if we’re arguing defends himself without seeing my point of view or using “let’s resolve this” language. Like when he defends himself I’ll say something like “okay I see how what I did was wrong in your eyes but this is how I felt...” he just thinks he’s right most of the time. There are times though in rare cases where he does see that what he did was messed up and there is no excuse, then he will apologize and say that I was right. I feel like a true narcissist wouldn’t even do that. And still try to blame me. Idk though I’m not a pro

[growinrace]

hello! have you considered couples therapy? or perhaps therapy for yourself?

[Mifresita in reply to growinrace]

I have had one therapist for a while but all she taught me was breathing lessons. Whenever I would tell her my problems she would suggest breathing lessons I liked her though. Except her being my moms friend was weird. And the boundary between keeping things between me and her was broken. Then I had a councilor. But I felt as if she was mocking me almost. She just kept trying to tell me what she thought she knew about me instead of listening. I told her I wanted to work with a real psychologist and she told me that if I did they would prescribe me medication, which isn’t true all the time. She wasn’t cool. But ever since I gave up therapy. Now if I’m feeling troubled I mope on my bed. Listen to music or make songs on my ukelele using the same three notes. Besides, I’m too young and I think couples therapy for teens. Well, both of us would have to make time and he has a pretty busy schedule because of the classes he takes. I just think he would want to contribute to that he barely knows how to communicate with me