Unhappy. Afraid I'll never get to where I want to be. Falling apart.

[AlbertoZ82]

I'm in my thirties and my life has not turned out how I wanted it to. I'm kind of a loser and a failure.

I had a number of plans and I've tried pursuing them, only to fail. About a year and a half ago, I was fired from a job I saw as being a stepping stone to what I wanted to accomplish. I'm not bragging, but I went to grad school, traveled, published, taken a couple of languages before this job. I was let get for not "getting it," but other people were kept on who flunked out of grad school (or didn't even try to go), would come in drunk/with a hangover, seemed insecure about their education, etc.

I took up another job pretty quickly thereafter overseas. Honestly, I took it for the money. It's kind of dangerous work but it pays well. However, I'm miserable doing it. It's taken me away from my other goals and I can't seem to get (back) on track. I hate it here so much that I've accepted another job offer tantamount to a promotion in the same field, different place, that pays a little less. Just can't break (back) into the field I want to be in.

I'm also single and ashamed of it. Last person I was with left me for someone with more money and just got married. Makes me feel absolutely pathetic and with no confidence whatsoever. Just feel ugly and useless.

I don't know if this is the right forum for this but sometimes it is easier to share when you're anonymous. It's made me more anxious and, obviously, depressed. Few things make me happy other than my research (but the depression gets in the way) and helping stray animals.

Thank you for listening.

[TalonNimbus]

I’m sorry that your having so much trouble getting back into the work you enjoy.

I wish you well and hope things turn around for you soon.

[Sprinkle1]

First of all I want to say You Are Not a Looser, We have to try and try, this is what you are doing. It took "Edison" over a hundred try's to find his electric bulb. Look thru history and you will see how many things took to be come part of our lives. Look at Tesler and his electric cars.

As for not being married, look at the fact of me being single and I have been married 3 times in my efforts to succeed in that dept. Do Not put Yourself down, or compare your self to anyone else, as you know we are all different. Love yourself, be kind to your self Not critical. Join a singles club you may meet the love of your life there, I have seen it happen.

Hope this is of help and others will reach out to you because we Care. Have a better day. I send Love, Hugs, Peace of mind...........Sprinkle 1

[b1b1b1]

It actually sounds like you are pretty successful. It is, however, possible to be very successful and still be very unhappy and depressed. What is the field you want to break into?

[gogogirl]

You are not a loser- you are unique. What kind of dangerous work do you do?

[AlbertoZ82]

I don't want to give too much away - I don't mean to sound paranoid, but my employer is. I work in a higher educational institution in a war zone. It was okay at first, but we had a leadership turnover and the culture has gone south. Very abusive, full of themselves. We have limited freedom to go out and do...well, much of anything unless you get on a plane and fly somewhere. I was hoping to run for something or join a campaign but every door keeps getting slammed in my face.

[AlbertoZ82]

I really don't see much point in continuing to try. I just need to accept I'm a failure. I have nothing and no one in my life.

[Cathy63]

I understand how you feel. I feel like a failure too. I have an unhappy working life that I haven't been able to change. What we both need to do is stop thinking of ourselves as failures. I try to focus on things I'm thankful for and it helps. I read somewhere that we should keep a gratitude journal (Oprah if I remember correctly) and write something we're thankful for every day. Maybe something like that might help you to feel more positive about yourself. One of these days I'll force myself to do it.

[Angelfox2002]

What kind of research do you do? You sound like a very intelligent interesting person with a lot to share with the world. I know this is an old post so you may not respond but I wish you the best in your career. I know I’ve felt lost and helpless without the fulfillment I get from working and being rewarded for doing what I love. Being a depressed single mom is not rewarding in any way.