Does it ever get Better???

I'm new on this but I'm going to try it out. I suffer with Bipolar Depression and Anxiety, I am in a relationship with someone I feel in love with right away we now have a 7 month old, been together since 10/16 , at first everything was great I told him everything about myself and my mental health problems n he just said I'll love you through it and we will work on it together. I had trust issue for my whole life and he got in anyways very fast. But now after everything I find out that he has lied to me and talked to other females behind my back so my biggest fears in which he swore he'd never do has come true and I don't trust him at all now but besides that he is just not the same person and blames everything on my insecurities and my mental health problems. He has also stopped being the lovie kind of man towards me but when I say let's end it he doesn't want to. I can't understand why it's like this or how to fix it because he doesn't want to change any of the things that hurt me so much. I don't want to leave him because I'm still in love with him but don't know how to fix us n get back to were we was going together. It just seems to be getting worse and it's making my self worth n much more even harder for me to handle. I just don't know what to do. Can anyone help me please. And also how do I build myself back up no matter what happens with him? I'm just so hurt and broken. But I have kids and need to get back to being able to be happy so I can get back to Ashley. I just don't know nothing it feels like. Please help

[jkl5500]

Can you two go to some counseling together? It sounds like there are a lot of things to work through.

[Hidden in reply to jkl5500]

We tried to, actually my own theripst sat with us both and tried to help but she said to work on communication with each other and I've been trying to change the things he didn't like so we can talk but it's still the same all I see is his back as he walks away and tells me I have to many feelings, yet hasn't changed anything. I love him but I literally hurt more been around him anymore. I know what my head is saying to do but my heart won't let me. I wish it was a trick to fixing it.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

That’s exactly the same BS I go through almost everyday with my girlfriend.

How she makes me feel so alone.

She would tell me to work this out on my own. That hurt and pissed me off. I told her that if I end up learning to do this on my own then I’ll never need her. And then she won’t ever be the reason for my happiness anymore. And the crap that hurts me also is that after I said that....it didn’t even faze her..at all.

My guess is that since she really didn’t get around enough with her life as far as educating herself, she just dated a lot and not socialize enough to understand reason.

Feeling like there’s no end to this. I keep telling myself that there’s gonna be something to help me walk away.

[Hidden]

I just wanted to tell you how much seeing your post makes me feel like we would connect. I'm right there in the same boat with you, going upstream without paddles to get anywhere. I'm in the same situation we just recently got married and miscarried our first child. I feel like I'm losing my damn mind girl. I'll be praying for you. Focus on the things that make you happy while your trying not to lose yourself in the tornado. It can be hard I know I'm struggling terribly.

[Tgirl77 in reply to Hidden]

I'm going through the same thing too. I feel the same way. My husband doesn't want a divorce and just want let me be. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Hoping the best for you.

[Hidden in reply to Tgirl77]

I wish, hope and pray that it gets better, I find myself crying at this very moment because I feel like an empty body walking around trying to be accepted In world that doesn't realize I'm even here. I don't want a divorce and neither does he. I try communicating but he's like a brick wall with a drug addiction. It definitely hasn't gotten better. In the last month I've had at least 10 huge melt downs and quite a few times where I just leave the house even if he takes the car keys away so I won't drive our car into something at 100 mph. The last two weeks I've caught myself walking the sidewalks here in the city just looking for any car that I can jump in front of that's going so fast it would actually kill me. Everyday I hope I never wake up tommorow, every I pray that while I'm being a good spirit that someone will come along drunk or higher then a kite and just hit me while I'm driving so I can die. I don't know how much more I can take. I feel alone

[Tgirl77 in reply to Hidden]

You are most definitely not alone in how you feel. I know my therapist always tells me that if I get to the point of harming myself to call the hotline number, but sometimes just talking about things doesn't make the feelings go away for me. I don't know what to tell you because if I knew I wouldn't be feeling the same way. I just wanted to a least let you know that you are most definitely not alone.

[Hidden in reply to Tgirl77]

Thank you I appreciate your words. I almost called the hotline just the other day I just can't bring myself to talk on the phone anymore because every time I hear a nice person on the other end I just cry uncontrollably because I wish it was my husband asking me if I'm ok. Because he's obviously not really around in his mind to talk to me he's always drawn into another world with the addiction

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

The most of our conversations are short and sweet in person, we mostly communicate through text. It's hard but I'm trying

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

We're the same way, we will sit at table for hours not speaking n text when he goes to work. I just feel so confused and wish he'd either hug me and love me or just let go honestly the not knowing is just worse because my racing thoughts make me feel so many different things are going on.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Dude it sucks right!? I'm not the only desperate women for her husband attention. And they they wonder why get mad, frustrated or just cry

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes exactly n when I just get to the point I shut down completely it's wrong. N I've tried to tell him what I needed from him and yet it never changes.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yep I feel you I'm going through it this very moment.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks at first written this last night I didn't know if it would even help but just seen your post and replys makes me see I'm not the only person who deals with the feelings I get. Thanks for your time in responding to me. Please know you are not alone either and maybe we can get through it all together. I also don't like calling the hotline and yet always think about it just can't do it.

[Tgirl77]

I'm in the same boat with you,and I think for me and my marriage there is no getting better. I'm tired of arguing with him. I have one teenage daughter and the other is just about to turn 19 this weekend. I don't want them to think that this is how things should be for them (should they get married or date). They need to know that they don't have to put up with a marriage like this just to live their life. That it's okay to not have a man to just be happy. Not putting men down, but want them to have the confidence that they could go either way to be happy with life.

[Hidden in reply to Tgirl77]

I understand that I'm literally trying to make myself not love him anymore so one of us can end it but each time I get strong enough to do so he will give me the things I'm needing so badly but for a few days then back to normal. And each time I say no more but crumble like a baby to the bottle each time. I'm literally going crazy. I just want to be able to be the mother and person n just get through a day without worrying about him n us. I just want to feel happy even with the problems between us is that possible? N thanks for your response I'm very thankful to see others care about helping someone else like me feel better 😁💜 I pray that we all can heal together.

[Hidden]

Thanks and Honestly a huge part of me knows your right. I've been needing that love support and guidance from a man for so long just to know that Love is possible without pain but each time it ends the same proven me that it's no real love and trust. But I honestly don't know anymore maybe I need to love me no matter what but how do you feel like doing that when you're biggest heartache is yourself. I almost feel like I here to just be hurt by men period.

[Hidden]

This is where that bad childhood handicaps your ass. I hate it; but, we NEED love more than anything and losing that might as well be jail time.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I agree with you Dave06351.

Even though my father is the one behind bars for life I feel like I'm the real one doing the lifetime sentence.

[charley1894]

Hi Ashley, room for another on that boat? slightly different scenario but same emotions. my partner and I have been together for almost 8 months now and I told him about all my 'issues' before we got together, as we were friends first, trying to figure things out before we moved to the next stage. he told me everything I wanted to hear, everything I needed to hear and all was perfect! for about 5 months. the past 3 months have been nothing but heart break and an emotional rollercoaster. he was talking to other females and whenever I mentioned anything, it was all about my insecurities and all about my mental health.. just being paranoid. but when I eventually had the proof, we discussed it. deeply. I completely broke down and left him.. which was the trigger he needed to realise that things were not right. and the way he was treating me wasn't right. it was so hard, to walk away, but so worth it. we've never been stronger than we are now.

I hope everything works out for you Ashley, all the best x