Loneliness and being alone

[Live4it20]

So lately I feel like isolating myself and my depression is coming back slightly. I try and go outside everyday and get some sun or just be around people which kind of helps, but I realize I have NO connections with anyone around me. If I do it's a shallow connection and not one that goes deep so to say. I'm not exactly outgoing but I talk when the moment is needed. I've always had a hard time making friends anyways so now that I find myself alone it sucks.. and the only person I really talk to is an ex boyfriend roommate who hardly talks to me and makes me feel like a burden lately. Not even a friendly hug from him and my family is kind of dysfunctional so they aren't any help. It sucks and I don't know how to change it. I don't know how to interact with my neighbors and most people only seem to care about themselves. Sometimes I feel like what's the point of going on anymore when no one even seems to care about me. When you feel suicidal and no one around you really cares it's pretty depressing. I refuse to tell the hospital because they'll just send me to the psych ward (5150) and I don't want to go back there. I try and take care or myself physically by exercise and eat right and that kind of helps but I still feel like something is missing. This whole self love and or focusing on myself thing is one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life and it sucks. I long for connection with others but don't know how or who to trust.

[skidrew]

Sometimes I feel the same way. When I’m depressed I push people away and isolate. When the weather is nice and I’m outdoors I feel great! Going to the gym and eating right made me feel on top of the world. Then the bottom fell out! That outgoing confident person became the opposite. I keep trying to tell myself I’ll be ok again as long as I keep the faith. I get where your at and it sounds like you do have a lot going for you. Keep trying, smile and say hello! I engage people with humor and lighthearted conversation. I’ve always made friends who have similar interests or things we have in common. If I can do it you can too!

[Live4it20 in reply to skidrew]

Thank you 😊

[skidrew in reply to skidrew]

Btw if you’re having a conversation you are connecting! I stay away from ex’s it’s self defeating for me. Maybe try a dating app but be careful lots of weirdos. I found a work out partner at the gym. I also chum it up with the guys in the deli. People know you and you know them, be more personal and watch your relationships grow.

[Bcrawford16]

You’re not alone! I’ve been going through the same thing lately. I isolate myself from my family and coworkers. Anytime we have a luncheon at work I find a reason to leave. There are days I don’t even want to go to work being I also am an introvert and I feel like I don’t have the energy to be around people I just want to be alone. I don’t have friends either no one checks on me to see how I am. I feel alone in this world without friends and a dysfunctional family also. I struggle with relationships because I always have the wrong ones to come into my life. I attend to attract the ones that need help and that leaves me feeling like I’m a mom instead of a girlfriend. The one I’m with now is narcissistic and I’m having a hard time feel like giving up every day. Physically I feel like my body is shutting down and mentally I just can’t take it. He is the only one I spend time with and I feel like if I let go then the depression and loneliness is only going to get worse. But I know in my heart I’m not where I am meant to be. I wouldn’t feel the way I do if it was right. 4 years and it’s only getting worse. Can’t have a conversation without an argument. Just know you are not alone. And it’s hard being alone but I’m beginning to see it’s better to be alone then with the wrong person.