I’ve been dating this girl for a few months now and the other night I witnessed something I have never seen before. Before I tell the story I should mention that she started birth control about two months ago. She got a hormonal iud implant. I’ve noticed her mood change a lot lately and it’s usually to the extreme. Out of no where she can just turn very angry and the next minute she’ll get very sad and sometimes cry.
The other night we were lying in my bed watching a movie (I picked it but she didn’t really want to watch it) and out of no where she got up and said “I’m going to bed” in a very agitated tone. I said “no wait, I’ll turn it off” and she replied with “I don’t care” and walked out of the room to sleep elsewhere. I figured going after her would make it worse so I just let her go and fell asleep. A little bit later I was woken up and when I opened my eyes I was startled to see her sitting on my bed looking down at me. I asked her what was up and she told me she felt bad and wanted to apologize. I told her it was okay and that I was going to go back to sleep. This is when things got really weird. I started to hear sniffling and I turned around and saw that she was crying. I asked her what was wrong and tried to comfort her but she didn’t reply. She broke out into a full cry and she was wailing very loudly. I had no idea what was going on. She started hyperventilating and it really freaked me out. I got up to turn on the light because I realized something was really wrong. When I did this she tried to sit up and slipped off my bed onto the floor. She just laid there still with her eyes closed. I thought she passed out and at this point I was ready to call an ambulance or even her mom to see if this was normal for. I stood there frozen and conflicted on was to do and she suddenly snapped out of it. She thought she had an anxiety attack but I’ve experinced anxiety attacks and have never had anything close to that. It was the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen.
I guess my reason for posting this is because I want to know if there is a logical explanation behind this. I’m still freaked out about it. It’s to the point where I’m scared to stay with her because I’m so traumatized by it. I know anxiety attacks are different for everyone but this was just creepy and insane to witness. I could really use advice on what to do.
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hp2016
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Get that iud out of her pronto. She’s having a terrible reaction to the hormones and this is not uncommon and can be very dangerous. This is hormonal. She’s probably blaming herself for these symptoms when it is utterly out of her control. Remember she is still who she was before the implant but is trapped in this mess of hormonal imbalance. Please convince her to have that removed before it does even more damage. In the extreme cases, some women take their own lives over this. Best of luck and thanks for looking out for her. I don’t think either of you know how hormones effect everything but you’re getting closer to understanding and your initial inkling was right. Those iud’s are no joke and some are more sensitive to them.
Thank you. I was worried it was the birth control. Even after what happened she wants to try it another month to see if her body will adjust to it but I’ll show her your response and hopefully she’ll listen to it. I didn’t know her very long before she got the iud but I knew that she struggled depression and anxiety. I am in no means an expert on this topic but if I’m correct, anxiety and depression are caused by a hormonal imbalance to begin with? So is the birth control just causing an even worse imbalance and intensifying her usual symptoms? Not that this matters, I’m just curious
Yes some folks with sensitive minds can be more sensitive to hormonal fluctuations. But these folks (I’m one) have unique gifts, often for creativity and the arts, that are spectacular if given a voice and a platform. It’s not always easy or fun to have these sensitivities but there is an upside. Life won’t be dull. There are many birth control methods. Try the Depo provera shot every 3 months, perhaps. It stops ovulation and may not cause these terrible symptoms. You are boyfriend of the year in my book.
Oh yes she’s very creative and artistic. It’s a big part of who she is. She keeps life interesting for me and I care a lot about her so I just want the best for her. Thank you so much for your help and encouragement. I’ll mention the other birth control method to her if she’s still interested in it.
Hormonal IUDs are made of estrogen and progesterone and also work by preventing ovulation. IUDs typically have the lowest impact on a woman’s system possible as they only locally affect the uterus. Depo is a systemic medication. Meaning it affects the whole body. Almost every woman who goes on a new form of birth control experiences some symptoms as her body adjusts to the new medication. That includes changing to a different form of hormonal medication now. It’s entirely possible switching now could Prolong her struggles. If she says she wants to wait and see, let her. Then ask her what SHE thinks the problem is.
I couldn’t have said it any better. I have a friend who had the iud & things really started to mess with her. She ended up getting pregnant 3 times & miscarrying every single time too. Please please choose another form of birth control. Good luck & stay strong. <3
A LOT of women have bad reactions to birth control, so I agree with the other responses, get that out of her asap. Don't give up on her, as this is most likely a temporary response to hormone changes. This was clearly not the right fit for her as far as birth control goes, so have her work with her doctor to find a better solution.
My daughter had uncontrollable mood swings that were scary for her and us to witness too.
At the time we didn’t connect it with the birth control implant she had as she was generally struggling with her mental health at the time and already had mood swings but nothing like as extreme as they became .
She tried the implant after the injections - they didn’t suit her either but weren’t quite as bad as the implant. She had to insist quite hard to get it removed.
We saw the worst of her symptoms subside almost immediately the implant was removed.
For her a non-hormonal method of birth control was the answer.
I’m glad your girlfriend has chosen such a caring supportive boyfriend x
Thank you. I do share this story with anyone who will listen because I think it’s important to grow awareness that these things can seriously affect some people.
For my daughter a non-hormonal choice was the best option but for others the implant or other hormonal birth control might be just the right solution. Everyone is different.
options are important, informed options even more vital
About 18 months ago I changed which hormonal birth control I was on. Withon a week I was horrendously depressed.. Crying desperately for an hour at a time for absolutely no reason, unable to sleep etc.
After 3 weeks of this I had my implant removed and I was back to my normal self in a week its definitely worth her changing to something else
Yes, hormonal influences are a real possibility, but I hesitate to point the finger directly at them right off the bat. You said yourself you’ve only been dating a short while- you can’t fully know each other’s history yet. Does she have past trauma? Did something trigger her? Does SHE think it’s the hormones? Women grow up learning to listen to their body and their hormones and most of us can get a pretty good bead on whether or not that feels like the truth of the matter. I’m not saying it’s not the problem, I’m just saying don’t decree she Needs to go off them immediately without further exploration of the issue.
Hormonal IUDs are the lowest-dose form of hormonal birth control available on the market. It takes every woman a few months to adjust to a new birth control medication and her hormones can be wildly out of whack until they regulate.
Do me a favor and give her a little extra gentle caring for a few days and try to give her the space to see if she is going to bring up what happened. If she doesn’t bring it up, gently ask her what she thinks went wrong and how you can help avoid it in the future.
I’ve been in abusive relationships where expressing any negative feelings on my part was met with both perceived and real danger to my physical safety. This was long before I met my husband and I really thought I was over it. Recently I’ve been working on my mental health and trying to sort out my bad coping mechanisms from the useful. This has led me to resolve to actually express negative feelings when I have them instead of bottling them. I had to recently tell my husband his failure to include me in some social plans, then not text me all day, left me feeling left out and unimportant to him. All in all, a really MINOR concern. The problem is, I’m damaged. The level of adrenaline, disproportionate hurt, and irrational negative thought spiral affecting me from breaking decades of bottling all negative emotions made me TOTALLY crack. I was crying uncontrollably for most of my 8 hour work day. Fortunately, I work alone.
My only point in telling my story is that she might be fighting a whole different battle that has nothing to do with her birth control. Or one that is only somewhat exacerbated by her hormones. Insertion and removal of an IUD is invasive and uncomfortable. If she doesn’t Need to remove it, I’d advise loving patience until she evens out. By all means, talk to her family to express your concerns. They may be able to provide insight and more information is Never a bad thing.
We only know the part of the story you’ve shared. If you have any reason to believe she’s in danger of harming herself, reach out to someone who can help you keep her safe.
You’ve brought good info to the table and I sympathize and appreciate your personal story; takes guts to put it out there. Always helpful to have multiple points of view. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, wisdom and experience. Synthetic hormones are a tricky thing. For some, they are the answer. For others, they are poison. Millions of women use them. Time will tell how this all works out...
You’re right, I didn’t really know her before. I talked to her some more about it and she told me that’s shes had this happen twice before. And that was before she was on the birth control. Since this is anonymous I feel like it’s okay to share this next part with you. One night when I was taking her home she started crying out of nowhere. I pulled over and held her asking what was wrong and she told me she didn’t know. Once I cheered her up a little I finished taking her home. She texted me later telling me she had a traumatic experience when she was drunk at a party. A drunk guy forced himself upon her and she couldn’t do anything about it. She thought she was crying randomly because of it even though it had happened awhile ago. She also told me tonight why she thinks the panic attack the other night happened. She’s dealt with the struggle of cutting a lot in her past and said recently it’s become a struggle again. She said the night she had the panic attack she was having a strong urge to hurt herself but couldn’t because I was beside her and it made her mad and anxious. So maybe that had something to do with it. Even if it’s not the birth control, what can I do? I’m sure she hasn’t told me every detail of what she’s going through but that’s okay. I don’t need to know if she doesn’t want to tell me, it just kills me to see her going through this and I want to get her help.
I’ve experienced something similar to her. Ask her if it’s okay to hold her? (If she gets weird about physical contact/affection, try to give her the space for it to be on her terms?)
**Reassure her she is Safe with you.**
Ask what she thinks you might be able to do to help her feel better?
When she feels like cutting, ask her if there is something else she can focus that feeling on? It might be a weird coping mechanism, but I’ve found all-out RUNNING- like running for my life as hard as I can until my body feels emptied- is weirdly cathartic. At first it’s just running away from the pain, but it ends up being this thing that really grounds you in your body. It’s not the same feeling, but it’s kinda like the way cutting can really bring you all the way into your body. I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone but me. You could tell her you read online (true) that running helps some people cope with the urge to cut.
Birth control pills have made me very angry and irritable in the past. It could be that she is experiencing an imbalance of hormones. I hope she agrees to go to her doctor to get this addressed. You are right that anxiety and panic attacks are different for everyone. Does she have seizures? You need to do what is best for you. If you cannot handle being around her until things settle down, that is fine. Perhaps her mom can help for a while until things calm down.
It's the IUD implant. Let her tell her doctor what is happening and he can give her something else. I was on an anti-depressant and I noticed that I was acting violently. I use to fight with my sisters but not physical and I just couldn't stop my self from wanting to hit her and I just cried and apologized but I knew it had to be the new med making me out of control. I would feel so bad after. I went to my doctor to tell him what was happening and he changed my medication and it helped and I can be mad and not yell out of control or hurt anyone. Just a suggestion. Good Luck.
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its definitely worth her changing to something else
My life is a total mess and I don’t know what to do
Everyone is wrong about what’s wrong with me.
I am new here trying to Find my way out of this
Fed up of my life and the way I am 
