Need opinions on a cause of my anxiety - my girlfriend

[Dananxiety]

We dated 4 months. Good and bad, mostly good. Had a problem with her ex (they were together 17 years). Ended up with her getting a restraining order against him (he was alcoholic and the police made her get the order).

Her and I break up in Feb 2017. Her idea. She tells me she needs time for self exploration, "me time". I know, I didn't buy it either.

Seven months later, Sept 2017. She calls me, we phone talk for a week. She tells me she loves me the night we meet to talk. We are back together.

Then I found out truths about the time apart. She was talking to her ex 6 weeks before we broke up. They got back together and it didn't work.

Then she acquired a friend with benefits who was a client of her law firm. He had a girlfriend in another state. At the same time, she went on a dating site. Had sex with a couple guys on there while she had the fwb.

So then her and I get back together. The betrayals. She had been talking with her ex for 6 weeks before we broke up. The week we were talking about getting back together (hadn't met in person yet) her fwb wanted to see her to say goodbye. They had oral sex in a parking garage. She said she did that so he would leave her alone.

We are back together a year. It's been good. I do get anxious about her past behavior, and to me the parking garage incident was cheating.

I am dealing with anxiety and recently panic attacks. Any thoughts?

[Hidden]

thoughts on your emotional issues or your life style?

[Dananxiety in reply to Hidden]

I am usually care free and relaxed. This girl has been a 2 year roller coaster ride. I am determined to put myself first from now on. Learning to say no and extricating myself from stressful situations.

[Hidden in reply to Dananxiety]

Good for you...no more playing the pawn in her chess game!

[Agora1]

Dan, run the other way please for your own sanity and self esteem. This is not love, this is convenience for her. Sounds like she is needy in having a partner(s) around her at all times whatever the cost. Sometimes it's easier for others to see more clearly what this is doing to you. Go with your gut feeling since you are the only one who can make this decision.

We're here for you Dan. It's time to take care of your emotional health and wellbeing.

[Dananxiety in reply to Agora1]

Thank you, Agora. We have been back together a year. She has been perfect, except for a couple times her old FWB called her at work and didn't tell me immediately. After some questioning, she finally told me and I sent him a message that took care of the situation.

The issue is trust. I know the options are to either trust her and let the past go, or run.

[Agora1 in reply to Dananxiety]

Dan, whatever your decision, we've got your back. We will be there for you. Our support site is not about judging but keeping you safe. Stay strong.

[Hidden]

In my opinion, I would’ve never stuck through it with her after you found out about her 6 month departure. That’s just me. I’m glad that she’s proven that she can be loyal to you for the past year, so I suppose you made the right decision!?! I couldn’t do it though. I’ve been in a very bad ten year relationship that had lots of cheating, lies, manipulation, physical & emotional abuse. I briefly dated someone else that had a one night stand with a random girl at a party & I ran the other direction as soon as I realized that I couldn’t trust the guy! I think you have to realize whether your relationship is worth growing together or not. The problem isn’t if you can continue to love her or not, it’s whether or not you can trust her! If you don’t have trust in your relationship, what do you have? Do you see yourself trusting her ten years from now? Is this woman the person you want to have children with? Could you see yourself rocking beside her on the front porch in 60 years? You have to think about these things. Life is too short to hold onto the past, but you also deserve to be happy with someone you know would never betray you! I wish you all the best with your life! xo

[Dananxiety in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, mermaid. Her and I had it out yesterday. Out of the blue, I get "can I ask you a question?". Then she starts asking me about my ex before her. How does she know I won't dump her too. How can she trust me.

Out of the blue, I didn't deserve that. So I let everything out about how she betrayed me first time around. Like her talking to her ex the whole time, and giving her FWB head as we got back together.

It felt good to let it all out. Now I am being accused of tredging up the past.

[Flytoes]

Too much drama for me to handle. Good luck.

[MariaLove123]

I agree with Flytoes. Too much drama. Most of us are on here because of serious mental health issues. I don’t think many of us would put up with any of that. We tend to stay away from any kind of drama...especially bad relationships. We just want to get better. I have very bad depression and anxiety. If I was dating someone for only four months and they broke it off and I found all that out, I’d move on and never speak to that person again. If you’re normally carefree and happy I think it’s obvious that this person is making you feel otherwise. People on this site would kill to feel happy and carefree. So enjoy it please.

[Dananxiety in reply to MariaLove123]

Thanks, Maria. It's been a so so year getting back together. She talks about getting married, I tell her that is off the table. She says I will never trust her for the rest of her life. I tell her she is correct.

We generally have fun together. My anxiety is under control now since I have a new perspective. I am not tied to her for the rest of my life. When I decide to move on, she betrays me again, or I meet someone else, I am in control of my life.

[MariaLove123 in reply to Dananxiety]

That’s good. I just want you to realize that if someone is making you unhappy, leave! It’s not worth it. You obviously seem like a caring person and I don’t want anyone taking advantage of that. You should be having fun with your life. X

[Zhangliqun]

We can only go by what you have told us, but if even half of what you said about her is true, then if history is any guide, this woman will betray you again. And again, and again.

Scratch 'will', she is very likely doing so right now. If you're okay with that, God be with you. If not, you know what to do and if you do it, some of that anxiety may at last go away.