Fed up of my life and the way I am

[Trax23]

Social Anxiety sucks, I have low self esteem low self confidence low this low that! Emotional neglect from childhood is killing me as an adult. I have no friends, everyone gets bored of me eventually and leaves. Couple of girls at work said they cared, I ended up trusting them (very hard for me) and they got me to open up to them then they left me as well trouble is one is my boss! I have trouble expressing myself and feel like no one has the time I need to get the right words out so end up saying nothing. I just don’t know who to talk to or where to turn anymore. I know I need more counselling but can’t make that phone call. Sometimes I think I’m going to be alone forever.

[pinkheartx]

Hello,

I’m sorry that social anxiety has kept you from opening up to others. I don’t have any real friends either, I can count more betrayals than actual genuine friendships. All I want to say is to be careful with who you open up to, especially with people at work as coworkers are prone to gossip.It’s very rare to find a trustworthy person. I’m not sure if you are a woman or a man but as a woman I’ve been critized ALL my life for being too quiet, rude lol, spoiled, serious, unfriendly and god knows what else. Trust me I’m not a bad person lol just very misunderstood and shy. Are you afraid to talk to a counselor? or open up to them considering they are professionals? Anybody would really as those people are strangers. I hope you really make the call. Talking to people on the phone scares me so i get it! But that’s your next turn! This website and the counselor.

[Trax23 in reply to pinkheartx]

Hi. Thank you for your response. I get exactly what your saying with opening up to wrong people, one of the reasons I am wary of trusting. I thought my boss would be ok and at first she was absolutely brilliant caring and supportive. She’s training to be a counsellor out of work. I thought it was safe to let my guard down. I am a women and same as you have been criticised for being quiet etc. I tend to listen more because I either don’t really know what to say or because I fear embarrassment if I say something silly. I don’t think it’s the actual talking to a counsellor that worries me, It’s more the fear of feeling stupid and that I will be judged. I was neglected emotionally as a child so everything gets bottled up as I don’t know how to deal with things correctly and never liked asking for help coz as a child I wasn’t made to feel like I could. It’s like my mindset is still childlike with thoughts and feelings and the rest of me grown into a adult. It’s really hard to explain lol

[anathema]

I feel like i am in the exact situation as you. It is extremely hard to deal with. Im finally deciding i really need to get help cause idk if i could go through the pain of being alone my entire life.

[Trax23 in reply to anathema]

I get you, it is very hard. I feel like I’m running out of time now so I’m putting extra pressure on myself. I’m 35 and would really love a family but I know I’m in no fit state right now. For me, that final call to counsellor or even the doctors is the hardest. Already find it hard to cope and opening up fully will bring so much more pain before I can heal.

[HopeandOptimism]

Hi, I am so sorry for the pain and isolation you are feeling. Life can be hard. You are not alone, there are so many people who struggle as you do. It is courageous of you that you were willing to share your feelings with others, it shows that you are willing to be vulnerable. Even though you were hurt, do not think that it will always be like this. It sometimes takes a few hurts to find a real friend who values who we are and is careful with our heart. It will happen. It's okay if you need time to talk or share, it is not always easy. While you are afraid to call a counselor, I urge you to strongly think about doing it. It will be so freeing for you! You will have someone listening to you without judgement, someone who truly wants to equip you with the tools to feel better and stronger. Counseling is a positive thing and will empower you to make good decisions for yourself, to care for yourself, to heal some wounds that you struggle with. You will not be alone forever! There are people out there who will love and treasure you! It may take some time, but it will happen! You are important and making that phone call is the beginning of self-care, go for it!

[Trax23]

Hi, thanks for taking the time to write. Yes, I totally agree with you. I do forget sometimes but being on here is helping me remember others struggle too. I will make the final call I just need a bit more time to prepare myself and of course find the right one.

[HopeandOptimism in reply to Trax23]

So proud of you....you sound like you are taking the important steps to bring yourself to a place of healing and restoration. Making that call will be freeing!

[beautyoutofashes54]

Trax23 I fully understand your feelings. All I can tell you is to not give up. I am not sure that those with social anxieties ever find true down to earth friendships. One we have probably been burned more than we care to admit, but I know that I keep people at arm’s length. It has taken a long time to even let my husband get to really know me, and he has had to learn how to live with me and my other half. I do find my counselor a big help in coming to learn why I have some of the anxieties I do. Which has helped me figure out how to balance things a little better. I do have some friends and I only share a little at a time, but as time goes by, I learn to trust them more and more. Hope something in this helps you. beautyoutofashes54