My life is a total mess and I don’t know what to do

[Ella99997]

Hello,

I’ve tried everything I could to feel better and I can’t so I’ve resorted to coming here.

I have anxiety and depression and I’ve been trying to manage them from a long time. Things were getting better until the last few months and I’m now facing the worst time of my life.

I’m from Portugal but currently live in the UK and miss my family terribly. I just went home and came back, and I feel miserable for having to come back but I had to cause I have a house contract and my area of work isn’t profitable at all in Portugal (performance).

I had loads of trouble finding a house and I found one with a friend but I hate it and I also really wanted to live alone because I’m an introvert and being with people all the time exhausts me.

I can’t find a job. It’s been the hardest thing ever, and every time there’s an opening I seem perfect for I never get it. I’m going to run out of money and i have no confidence anymore.

To top it all off, my boyfriend of almost two year that I madly love and truly thought would be with forever, broke up with me. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that he wasn’t sure of he loved me. He said he wanted to be friends. I took some time away from it while I was at home and thought I was ready to just be friends, but now he’s simply acting like nothing happened, flirting with other girls etc. We’re working together on a musical (he’s directing, I’m the choreographer) and we were being totally just professional, which I was totally fine with. Out of nowhere he pulls me to the side to tell me he got diagnosed with anxiety, which isn’t something you would just tell a random person you work with. And now he’s back to acting like we barely know each other. The pain is bigger than ever and I’m so hurt by all his actions, and unfortunately still love him.

All of this has made my anxiety and depression sky rocket. I wake up with a lump in my chest every day, all I can do is cry and all I want to do is sleep. I’ve had these things before, over the last few years, but never this much. I can’t eat. I can’t move from my bed. I can’t stop crying and having consecutive mini anxiety attacks all the time. I don’t know what to do, please help me.

[BonnieSue]

Hi Ella,

I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time. I know how miserable it can be to be stuck in bed and wanting to sleep all the time 'cause you're so depressed.

Have you been to see your prescribing doctor yet for this current dip in mood? Do you have a prescribing doc? You need one pronto to treat this state you're in. I hope you have a way to see to a doctor, I know you said you're not a UK citizen, but that is what you need to do for yourself. Please find a way asap.

You need to make yourself get up and get out to move around, take a walk, maybe in a park so you can look at nature and see some beauty. Exercise always helps lift your mood, so move your muscles the best that you can. You also need to make yourself eat a little something...maybe yogurt or another mild, easy to swallow food. Swallow some juice. That way you're taking in a few calories and nutrients so you don't get weaker. Is your not eating due to too much anxiety or low mood?

I know it's very painful to have your bf treat you the way he has. It's really rough. It stinks. But you can't remain isolated and in bed. Try to take baby steps to do some of what I suggested. Eat a tiny bit. Get up and move around, take a short walk to begin with. Focus on beautiful, good things that you've always loved. Maybe an especially successful or fun musical you were a part of. What are your favorite things? Think about them. Put your mind on the positive at least a little bit to start with.

Take care, write back if you want to. Hugs, Love, and Blessings...

[hypercat54]

Oh dear! Resorting to coming in here must mean you are at the end of your tether. Sorry to hear that. I hope you find your answers.

[Hidden]

Hello and so sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time at the moment. Unfortunately, we can't control events in our life and bad things sometimes happen. All we can do is try to accept that but also realise that it is temporary and that things will get better. I do think seeing a doctor and getting some medical advice will help. Also, if you miss your family terribly, maybe it would help you at the moment to go and stay with them and let them support you for a while until you are feeling a bit better and stronger. We all need support and help from others some time and that's what family and friends are there for. Take care,

[1OshunDreamer]

I know none of us want to be on meds, however previous posters are right. I'm going through something similar right now and when I felt like I just wanted die (not suicide) thatswhen I knew it was time. I'm a eay 3 of an as needed rx and I'm 50% better.

Deep breathing helps, repeating this too shall pass, yoga, meditation, coming here to talk about it will all help. Recently, I started journaling, I'm getting more sha moments than when I go to counseling.

[chinadoll1374]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time. It's hard to distance yourself from your ex when you also work with him. However, it might be too soon to be just "friends", especially if you still hold feelings for him. You may also need to set up some boundaries with him, such as he doesn't confide personal information to you. Regarding your living situation, how long is your house contract? Can you sublease? In the meantime, try to stay in touch with your family, whether by email, phone, or Skype. I would also suggest that refocus your attention on something else. Go out and join a club, meet new people, or even get a dog or cat. Just something to take your mind off of what you are missing. I hope that your circumstances improve soon. Take care.