Everyone is wrong about what’s wrong with me.

Hi guys I’m really really frustrated right now I’m tired of my brother and my dad eye rolling in exasperation every time I say what’s on my mind I’ll happily admit I understand that over the past year it can be grading on the nerves and difficult to deal with and they may have they’re own stuff I understand and respect that. However it’s every single time that they do that and I truly feel like I’m running out of people to turn to and help me. My therapist just thinks all my problems are due to my mind always going (overthinking) and just health anxiety but it’s far bigger than that there feels like there is a much bigger problem at hand and I have no idea what it is and no matter how much I try to explain it never works of gives me relief? For example I got a new bed am I happy no not at all I think it doesn’t feel right despite the fact my other bed was much less comfortable and frankly awful. I never sleep well at all it’s usually 4-12 every night my life feels like it’s in a haze I feel as if the months are just fruiting by and I’m just drifting through life and want to cry. I don’t feel the way I used to at all I feel physically unable to do any physical activity e.g running I have no dreams or goals and I don’t seem to care I don’t turn up for job interviews when I get them in my opinion I’m seriously depressed and heading down a dark path but whenever I say it is dismissed. I can’t even eat the way I used to because in January I chocked on some meat and ever since I’ve felt like I can’t swallow properly and no doctors seem to believe me they just say it’s my anxiety Does anyone have explanation for what’s going on?

[maslater]

Have you tried mindfulness meditation?

[Hidden in reply to maslater]

Thank you for responding I have but it really doesn’t seem to work out that well

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I can never seem to get into it

[hypercat54]

What bigger problem? Do you mean physical health issues? Or mental health ones? x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you for responding it Feels like both to be perfectly honest

[Hidden]

Thank you very much for your response as well. We have a good relationship to be honest she just believes that everything transcends from the fact that I have health anxiety so it causes these other issues. As someone who maybe suffering with bipolar I hope you don’t get offended by me asking but do you see those symptoms in me? I don’t particularly feel low or high any of the time really. My family members have said I perceive slights when they are t there but I’ve always been very sensitive to that kind of stuff?

[Hidden]

Hi bengdmn I think you sort of answered your own question without knowing. You stated that you ’have no dreams or goals.’ That is the root of your situation. I encourage you to spend 1 hour with just a pen and paper and nothing to distract you, and really start to discover where it is you want to go, something you want to achieve it your lifetime, and then go.

Right now you are a boat without directions trying to get out of the harbor, and that's impossible to do without any guidance. Knowing where you are going (even without a full plan which will evolve as you move forward), and then taking action is the only way to reach the ocean (joy).

The #1 cause of depression is not having a vision or legacy plan worth pursuing. The happiest people in the world know this. I would also encourage you to be patient and don't lean on others for validation. Chase your vision and when it gets hard (and it will, but your in control) you won't quit because you know it's your destiny. Those that don't quite, are the ones who succeed and are most happiest. Most people quit (97%), because they chase the wrong thing.

If you commit 1 hour a day to yourself, things will begin to change very fast for you. Very fast. There are no magic pills or tricks to happiness. Forward progress equals satisfaction every time. At the end of the day we are all chasing daily doses of dopamine, which gives is the emotion of joy and satisfaction. Personally, I like to be in control of my own joy, without any regard for what others believe. Those people (97%) usually don't have their own stuff together, so why seek their approval or validation?

I have a video on my page titled ”15 Simple...” which is about 20 minutes long. You may not like what you hear, but these are cold truths. These things should be taught in schools.

I hope I have helped you in some small way.

Cheers

[Want2BHappy3]

I understand what you're going through, but NEVER NEVER NEVER talk to your friends and family about your anxiety, they easily get frustrated with us. They want it to go away. You need to seek counseling in order to save your relationships. I pretend everything's good, tomorrow I'm going to a graduation party for my nephew, so I'll just talk about current events. So do those things and you should be fine?

[rach1402]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time, I'm currently off work with anxiety and depression so I know how you feel. Although I'm not a medical professional, I can give you my opinion as a fellow sufferer.

What you described sounds exactly like depression to me. I think most people who haven't experienced depression first-hand think it means intense sadness, but for myself and many others, it's more like intense apathy, indifference and a lack of interest in life.

I find that talking to people who don't understand and make no effort to understand only make you feel more misunderstood and even guilty. Try to remember it's not your fault that they don't get it, but it's not their fault either. Perhaps you take after someone more sensitive in the family or they feel like they have to conform to the social expectation that men don't talk about feelings. Whatever the reason, you're probably better off talking about it with people who already get that sort of thing, friends, other family members, forums like this, your therapist, support groups etc. I'm sure you can find other ways to spend time with your dad and brother that you're all comfortable with, even if it's something as simple as watching a movie together, having a barbecue or anything you all enjoy effortlessly.

It's great that you and your therapist have a good relationship and I'm sure talking about it with someone who understands. If she's right about everything stemming from health anxiety, I can see how that could lead to depression and understanding the root cause is half the battle. In addition to seeing your therapist regularly, it might be worth exploring the possibility of medication with a doctor who has experience of issues like yours.

Give yourself a break, it's difficult living with chronic health issues and ours are just as real as the ones people can see. Fighting with yourself constantly is exhausting and will get you nowhere, sometimes accepting that it's something we have to live with, for now, takes the pressure off and gives us the breathing space we need to allow healing to take place. I hope you feel better soon x

[aykraz]

You sound A LOT like me! Everything you've said I have felt. Family doesn't want to address it, they ignore my symptoms saying, oh just get out in the sunshine and you'll fell much better. LOL. But it's really not a LOL thing with us is it? No. There might be a couple of days a month that I feel like really doing something, a project, cleaning the house thoroughly (which actually I have to push myself), but I do feel better keeping really really busy. I've tried this meditation - don't work for me because my mind is all over the place. I am anxious all the time. It used to be when my Mom asked me how I am feeling, I would tell her that I shake, I'm nervous, just don't feel good, and she would always say well go to the Dr. How many Dr's have I been to? At least 20 including specialists, counselors, you name it. One therapist got her cell phone and pulled up a mindfulness meditation video. I said, "I am paying you $80.00 an hour to pull up a video on your cell phone" and I walked out. That's the last I went to her. Honestly, the only thing that really helps me is to keep busy, as hard as it is sometimes to get motivated enough to even clean the kitchen dishes, but once I do, I do feel a little better. I do like working in the yard, but it's rained so much the last two months, there's only been a few days, like 8 that I could actually get out and do it. When people ask me how I feel, anymore, I just say fine because I really don't want to listen to them degrade my symptoms. Unless they have ever had anxiety, depression they are never going to "get it". I also saw where you had asked someone if they thought you were bipolar. Reading your post, I would say no. I do understand the feeling of "just drifting through life" I think that's how you put it, or something like that. Oh, yes, I just feel like everyday is just another day that I have to put up with this. I'm not much help, but you are not alone in your thoughts. Meditation does help for some, but I just can't concentrate enough. I think of the past too much. I ruminate too much. I've tried to quit, I miss my Dad, he was my rock. My Mom didn't do a lot for him when he was so sick. He went to the Dr himself, she went to her hair appointment. I think a lot or maybe even all of this stems from something that hurt us so bad and things we saw for instance how my Mother treated my brother so kind and me, well, sometimes I feel like she wished I was never born. I really don't think you just wake up one day and discover you are depressed and anxious - I had GAD, for no reason at all. If you're therapist isn't helping that much, maybe you can try a different one. I've had 7 and the only one who really I liked a lot is not on my insurance and hasn't been for over 10 years. I even told her I would pay her out of my pocket, begged her to do phone consults with me, but she said legally she can't accept money unless she actually sees me. I always joke, kinda of, it's not funny, but I could write a book about how my insurance plans change every year and the Dr's I liked or therapists I liked, now insurance doesn't cover them. I don't know where you are at in the world, I'm in the USA and insurance is getting worse and started to get worse about 10 years ago. I hope you find some relief. At least you are among "friends" on here that understand what you are going through, or maybe some of what you're going through because everyone is different, some are little better, some are worst, just are in-between.

[aykraz]

You sound A LOT like me! Everything you've said I have felt. Family doesn't want to address it, they ignore my symptoms saying, oh just get out in the sunshine and you'll fell much better. LOL. But it's really not a LOL thing with us is it? No. There might be a couple of days a month that I feel like really doing something, a project, cleaning the house thoroughly (which actually I have to push myself), but I do feel better keeping really really busy. I've tried this meditation - don't work for me because my mind is all over the place. I am anxious all the time. It used to be when my Mom asked me how I am feeling, I would tell her that I shake, I'm nervous, just don't feel good, and she would always say well go to the Dr. How many Dr's have I been to? At least 20 including specialists, counselors, you name it. One therapist got her cell phone and pulled up a mindfulness meditation video. I said, "I am paying you $80.00 an hour to pull up a video on your cell phone" and I walked out. That's the last I went to her. Honestly, the only thing that really helps me is to keep busy, as hard as it is sometimes to get motivated enough to even clean the kitchen dishes, but once I do, I do feel a little better. I do like working in the yard, but it's rained so much the last two months, there's only been a few days, like 8 that I could actually get out and do it. When people ask me how I feel, anymore, I just say fine because I really don't want to listen to them degrade my symptoms. Unless they have ever had anxiety, depression they are never going to "get it". I also saw where you had asked someone if they thought you were bipolar. Reading your post, I would say no. I do understand the feeling of "just drifting through life" I think that's how you put it, or something like that. Oh, yes, I just feel like everyday is just another day that I have to put up with this. I'm not much help, but you are not alone in your thoughts. Meditation does help for some, but I just can't concentrate enough. I think of the past too much. I ruminate too much. I've tried to quit, I miss my Dad, he was my rock. My Mom didn't do a lot for him when he was so sick. He went to the Dr himself, she went to her hair appointment. I think a lot or maybe even all of this stems from something that hurt us so bad and things we saw for instance how my Mother treated my brother so kind and me, well, sometimes I feel like she wished I was never born. I really don't think you just wake up one day and discover you are depressed and anxious - I had GAD, for no reason at all. If you're therapist isn't helping that much, maybe you can try a different one. I've had 7 and the only one who really I liked a lot is not on my insurance and hasn't been for over 10 years. I even told her I would pay her out of my pocket, begged her to do phone consults with me, but she said legally she can't accept money unless she actually sees me. I always joke, kinda of, it's not funny, but I could write a book about how my insurance plans change every year and the Dr's I liked or therapists I liked, now insurance doesn't cover them. I don't know where you are at in the world, I'm in the USA and insurance is getting worse and started to get worse about 10 years ago. I hope you find some relief. At least you are among "friends" on here that understand what you are going through, or maybe some of what you're going through because everyone is different, some are little better, some are worst, just are in-between.