If anyone is listening I could use some advice. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for over 20 years. Most of my issues can be attributed to my work history. I am a perfectionist and have a difficult time dealing with mistakes and negative feedback. I currently work at a job that I struggle to get through the work day as I am constantly nervous, anxious, and stressed. I struggle because I don't enjoy the job, don't believe in myself, and cannot seem to concentrate when I am there.
I've been applying to other jobs for over a year, but have gotten very few interviews. I've worked with a career counselor who has tailored my resume to look very professional and provided me with advice on how to better apply for and search for jobs that may interest me.
I'm in counseling now and have been for several years and tried a multitude of medications to help control my anxiety and depression.
I should be grateful for what I have. A lovely wife, two beautiful children, a nice home, financial stability, but I cannot put things in perspective. I have missed probably 10 -12 days of work this year due to my anxiety and depression. Fortunately because of FMLA and somewhat understanding boss, I have not been terminated (though I often think it may be the best thing for me).
I really feel like I am at crossroads. All of this is putting a strain on my marriage and I am afraid of the example I am setting for my kids. I feel like a burden to family and friends and am tired of the struggle. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just don't think things will ever get better for me. I have lost my faith in my abilities, that I can find a career that I enjoy, and that I will ever lead healthy normal life.
I don't know whether to quit my job or continue working there and dealing with the enormous pain it causes me. I don't want to set a bad example for my kids or make my wife feel like she has to carry the weight of the world to support our family but I am truly hurting on the inside. I'm so lost and confused, and don't what the best decision is for not just myself, but everyone around me.
Thank you to all who read this.