Need Advice

[sshawn]

If anyone is listening I could use some advice. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for over 20 years. Most of my issues can be attributed to my work history. I am a perfectionist and have a difficult time dealing with mistakes and negative feedback. I currently work at a job that I struggle to get through the work day as I am constantly nervous, anxious, and stressed. I struggle because I don't enjoy the job, don't believe in myself, and cannot seem to concentrate when I am there.

I've been applying to other jobs for over a year, but have gotten very few interviews. I've worked with a career counselor who has tailored my resume to look very professional and provided me with advice on how to better apply for and search for jobs that may interest me.

I'm in counseling now and have been for several years and tried a multitude of medications to help control my anxiety and depression.

I should be grateful for what I have. A lovely wife, two beautiful children, a nice home, financial stability, but I cannot put things in perspective. I have missed probably 10 -12 days of work this year due to my anxiety and depression. Fortunately because of FMLA and somewhat understanding boss, I have not been terminated (though I often think it may be the best thing for me).

I really feel like I am at crossroads. All of this is putting a strain on my marriage and I am afraid of the example I am setting for my kids. I feel like a burden to family and friends and am tired of the struggle. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just don't think things will ever get better for me. I have lost my faith in my abilities, that I can find a career that I enjoy, and that I will ever lead healthy normal life.

I don't know whether to quit my job or continue working there and dealing with the enormous pain it causes me. I don't want to set a bad example for my kids or make my wife feel like she has to carry the weight of the world to support our family but I am truly hurting on the inside. I'm so lost and confused, and don't what the best decision is for not just myself, but everyone around me.

Thank you to all who read this.

[Hidden]

Wow! I feel your pain. I think your level of confidence may have a lot to do with your work difficulties as this will hinder me when I’m not spiritually fit. My performance is elevated when I’m feeling confident.

Of course, it’s always better to get another job before quitting one. But if this is causing personal problems at home, then you might want to reconsider. My husband is in a similar situation and he’s so incredibly stressed that I want him to quit but he won’t. He’s also unable to leave it at work.

Things will get better for you...🌞 You’re probably experiencing a period of growth, to put a positive spin on it! Try to search for the positive aspects of your current situation and believe in your abilities! Get out of yourself and help someone less fortunate...exercise gratitude to chase away self-pity. Try to make the best of what you have! Play with the kids!! 🌿🌷🌿

[CazO46]

Hi sshawn, I am sorry this is such a struggle for you right now but you are not standing still, you are giving a lot of time and energy into deciding the best way forward for you. Being a perfectionist is such a strength but I know from my own family that it can feel like a burden too. I'm wondering if you have tried anything like CBT or counselling ? Sometimes it can help to rethink how we approach our work. I recently had 6 months off work through unexpected ill health, exacerbated by extreme anxiety. I also have 2 children and a lovely husband but felt like an absolute failure because I could no longer be the productive mum and employee that I had been. I have thankfully been able to return to work but I honestly have a different attitiude to work. It's still stressful but I don't take it as a failure on my part. I'm not too sure what the best advice would be as staying or going both have challenges but positive things too. What does your wife think you should do? Have you been able to share with her how you feel and the dilemma you feel. Of course your family are important but I think they want you to be happy. Please keep in touch and I am wishing you all the best X

[sshawn in reply to CazO46]

Thanks for the well wishes. I am currently trying REBT (similar to CBT) with my therapist. It essentially based on rational thinking but it has been a slow process. My wife is a different story. She sees things in black and white, and can't grasp how debilitating anxiety and depression are. Something like quitting my job before I had a new one would not make any sense to her.

[CazO46 in reply to sshawn]

It's just a thought but do you think she might come to a therapy session with you, to help her understand better what you are going through? If she is very practical is it feasible to live off savings for a while? Maybe taking an 'easy' job to still being in something until you feel more about what you are doing? You are in my thoughts .

[gogogirl]

I hope you've been able to take a little time off or a vacation to give yourself a breather!

[fauxartist]

As much as it pains me to say this...don't quit your job yet....it will make things even worse. But while looking for another job, I would find something that puts a spark back into your life..many years ago when I felt I too was at a dead end.....I went back to school at night....I took a ceramics class. I loved getting back on the wheel and working with clay again. Then some years later I took courses at a junior college which offered online classes, I took photography files and photo management....then I took computer courses to update my previous certification in comp. repair as things had dramatically changed over the years I'd been doing my own business. I was tired of the type of work I had been doing and wanted to use my brain more. But kept working as that was my bread and butter, but what I found was, that by getting involved with something that made me feel alive again, it made everything more bearable. I was living life again. Sure I was always going to have depression....but it did keep me on a higher note longer.

[Beevee]

Learn to let go of the symptoms of anxiety (be ok about not feeling ok) and you may also find yourself letting go of that perfectionist label you’ve attached to yourself and lowering your self imposed high expectations. I’ve been in your shoes. Stress levels off the scale, all day, every day, regardless of what I was doing, or not doing as the case may be. I could have been lying on a sun kissed beach in some far flung exotic destination, being waited on and still feel uber stressed.

I got through it all by learning how anxiety manifests itself and then learning to let go. It took a bit of time to see that all the negative stuff going on in my head had nothing to do with reality and was just one giant confidence trick. Without the understanding I gained about anxiety ( which took away some of the fear) I could so easily have walked away from everything but didn’t. I still hold down the same job and the wife and kids still like me 😊

You have what it takes to recover. You just haven’t realised it yet.

[sshawn]

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. It helps to hear from people that have stood in your shoes, know what's like to suffer and have come out the other side. Honestly, I am still conflicted what the best course of action is. I am so tired of suffering, and while I am not asking for anyone's sympathy, it helps to be able to vent and get constructive feedback. Best wishes to all of you!

[mitch404]

Are you able to take a leave of absence from your job with the guarantee that you can come back afterward? If yes, maybe consider it. You can use that time to focus on your health and apply for different jobs.

[Hidden]

Hi! I can relate to your story. I just quit a job that made me anxious. But I quit it because of financial reasons and I found another job with better pay and less stress. My fomer employer didn't like it but I had to do what's best for me.

But now I'm freaking out that the same thing could happen with my new job. I was never happy no matter what job I had. It sounds like you're on the right track with your therapy. Maybe you should consider marriage counseling as well?

What are your interests? What are your passions? What would you do if you didn't have to work? What would feel fulfilling?

Think over these questions. Journal about them. I feel journaling helps a lot when I have no one to turn to. I wish you lots of luck with your journey, no matter what you choose to do.