Love you but not IN LOVE with you!!

[Boomba76]

3 weeks ago my wife said the dreaded “of course I love you, you are the father of our 2 children... I’m just no IN LOVE with you.”

This was totally out of the blue. She has been a stay at home mom for 6 years and now returning back to work.

I’m not going to say anything negative about her on here BUT @5@(!,&,8;9;’!!!

Can’t believe I am in this situation AGAIN!!

My 1st wife left me exactly the same way!! Married 9 years, 2 kids, stay at home mom when she turned 30 she got a job, a boob job, lost 100lbs, got a tummy tuck and 1 month later left me!!!

I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ocd 13 years ago and take all kinds of RX’s.

I haven’t had more than 5 or 6 episodes in 13 years and now I’m totally spiraling out of control.

Panic Attacks, Depression, Crazy Anxiety and getting jealous when she is on her cell phone, it a huge trigger for me....

Life sucks!!

[Likeabadstorm]

Sorry this happened. Nobody deserves to be done this way. Life is hard and for someone to walk out on you once and then twice is heart wrenching. We all deserve better than that.

[Boomba76 in reply to Likeabadstorm]

Thanks. I’m sure I have some responsibility in this... I took her for granted thinking since I provide everything financially so she could have her dream of staying home to raise the kids. We had no babysitter or family close so for 6 years our marriage grew distant while the kids required 110% of our time.

I guess when you fall asleep at the wheel you are bound to crash!!

She hasn’t left yet but my house doesn’t feel like a home anymore and it just makes my ANXIETY unbearable at times...

[Likeabadstorm in reply to Boomba76]

It’s hard when the house doesn’t feel like a home. This I feel your pain, same kind of situation here...and is hard. Especially trying to co parent in the same home when the distance is there. Just trying to keep the little one in his home and we just do our own thing. And still do things together with our child. But yeah it is very hard. I feel your pain.

[Likeabadstorm in reply to Likeabadstorm]

My anxiety and panic started a year ago and it’s probably due to the circumstances that led up to all this distancing...I was so laid back and outgoing and then bam severe headaches and then episodes occurred and then anxiety. Episodes trying to determine if severe panic or something else. Daily struggles but I will not give up though sometimes I breakdown to where I say I can’t take this anymore because it’s hard to even drive life this now or do anything. It sucks to be honest. But you can and we all can get through some way or another. We have ourselves and our children to do this for!

[Boomba76 in reply to Likeabadstorm]

Sorry to here that... My anxiety is too strong when I see her but then it gets bad when I think of not living together so for now I’m just trapped in this hell...

[Likeabadstorm in reply to Boomba76]

hugs

[Boomba76 in reply to Likeabadstorm]

Thank you.

Prayers to you....

[Likeabadstorm in reply to Boomba76]

Thank you too. Prayers for you as well.

[Suzhou]

This is really heartbreaking to hear. That this has happened too you twice. There’s not much to say that could help the situation. I always tell myself just done forget to breath.

[Amlughelke]

Wow this makes me so sad. That is such a sad way for her to treat you. And, it doesn’t make sense. Do you know if anything caused or triggered this? Maybe she has been upset about something and didn’t know how to talk about it. My husband has said things like that before when he has been in panic attacks, and he wasn’t even really mad at me, but something else. I know it’s not the same situation at all, but maybe somethings bothering her. If that’s not the case and that’s how she really feels, I don’t think it’s really love if it’s just an “I’m staying with you for the kids”. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this.

[Boomba76 in reply to Amlughelke]

We did talk and she said now that she knows she can survive on her own since she went back to work and we haven’t been very close to each other for 6 years why would she keep me around...

I’m so upset... I didn’t want anymore kids after my first wife and she convinced me to have 1 more before we got married, then we had another one on accident and 6 years later she doesn’t know if she wants to be married anymore with a 6 and 4 year old.!

I feel like a total idiot... AGAIN!!!!

I asked her if she is talking to someone and she swears she is not but she is very protective of her cell phone all of a sudden and that is what is triggering my panic and anxiety attacks. Just seeing her phone triggers the chest pain and shortness of breath.

Thanks for your response.

[Hidden]

My sympathies. Maybe being compassionate and considerate of her in the interim will help you both feel better? Especially for the children's sake.