STILL SUFFERING FROM DEPRSION. 1 YEAR AFTER MY SPLIT FROM MY NOW EX GIRLFREIND

[ScottieStyles]

today is the 25THth of June, the 1 year anniversary of my breakup from mow ex girlfriend (christ I hate those words) She broke my Heart on Sunday June 17th

at 5.30pm , I can still remember that faithful day, I had been working in my garden ( painting the fence), I have made Sunday lunch. including a spare dinner in which In had plated her up and was going to bring to her house as I believed she was working this day, So I called her up expecting everything to be fine, and to tell her I had made her dinner I would be round with wine shortly. It was then when she announced that she had been all day alone and wanted to know why I had’nd called her earlier as she had wanted to go out, I apologized telling her I thought she was working, it was then when she came out with those most hurtful and painful words , I want a break. when i said I break from what she said you, its over !!! ( 4 years down the pan there and then ). I asked why and she informs me she is no longer happy.

My feelings at that moment felt like my whole soul had been sucked out, and I was just left with this cold numb feeling ( which has never really gone away)

The last 2-3 months of our relationship had hit a slightly rocky patch, as I was dealing with a alot of personnel family stuff, which involved my 2 children’s step dad ( actually he wasn’t even that he was just a twat) being sent down for 7 years for attempted murder of my ex wife..

I have also been dealing with the poor health of my mother who has dementia. IJUst when I needed some full on support from my loved one , she decided to rip my heart out and leave me. as you can Imagine I was devastated. ( I will get back to this bit soon, first some background info )

So how did we meet, way way back Aug 2013 I was on the dating site POF, anyway one day I got a message in my inbox, it was from heri who simply said Hi, nice profile, I responded back to her a couple of days, and before you know it we were on our first date, The first date went really well, we had a private joke about her wanting to drink pints rather than halfs, which was fine by me, and also her thought I was bit of a rogue as she caught me having cheeky look at her boobs.

there soon followed a 2nd date then the third and before you know it the full on relationship

With Suzie everything was perfect, he lived close by, we shared the same jokes and love for music together ( we are both big Bowie fans). she met my friends and they got on like a house on fire, she liked my 2 kids and importantly for me my kids trusted her. over the 4 years we were together everything was great, we had about a dozen holidays with each other, we have been to weddings together, there we only 2-3 times were we had a tiff,row , but nothing major. the sex was great, we were best friends, I was staying at her house about 3-4 days a week. I still had to go back to my as my son was now living with me.

The only downfall about her was she slight drink problem, she is 56 ( 8 years my senior) which did not bother me atoll, however she always wanted to be the last one out, if we ever went out for a drink or a party she would always bee the one that got totally wasted. whom insisted in staying out for the extra hour when it was time to come home, which did turn into the odd row from time to time.

so back to where I am today. Its been a year and I am still totally hear broken, I have tried allsorts to get her back. letters ,flowers, xmas gifts, more letters, texts, we have even had the one meet up, for a drink, which went well. I know there is now no chance ( well maybe 1 in a billon) in getting back together, I this is the horrible bit, I am now in a relationship), but I am still having days where I think about her , I loved her so much ,she just never knew,I would still do anything for her, yep I should hate her, she has hurt me so much that i have been on anti depressants for the last 6 months and had 2 lots of counseling, ye each day gets a tiny bit better, but I know I can never really heal the wound in my heart.

It was this episode which has triggered my slump into depression.

i have tried taking about this to friends and family, but nobody really understands,

I even have to pass her house everyday to work ,which does not help.

anyway this is my story,.

[Agora1]

Hi ScottieStyles, no emotion is as strong as "falling in love" "and losing love". It's a part of life and in being human. The hurt you are still feeling now will eventually lessen. At least the physical symptoms. You were caught off guard a year ago, not ever expecting to hear it was over. So give yourself time to grief the loss of this relationship. It would be best to not count the days since this happened, to find a different route to take to work. Each time you give in to what may have been, the wound is re-opened. You say you are in a new relationship now. You need to give 100% of yourself and never compare her to your ex.

Each person brings a different objective to a relationship. Just when you think it couldn't get better, it does. Life has a way of bringing people into our space for a reason. Maybe a short time, maybe a life time. But there is and was a reason.

I wish for your heart and mind to heal. Not in bitterness but in a life's experience. One day at a time will get you to a place of acceptance that Life is Good once again.

[ScottieStyles in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for the replay. I know its a case of 1 day at a time,and I am working on this, I am going to a Ti chi class tonight. I new GF is great,she has stood by me for the last few months, she knows I suffer from depression sadly I cannot tell her the reasons why I do also feel a sense of guilt,when ever the memories of my ex pop into my head, I know its a long hard path to full recovery,, Its the mornings first thing when I am at my weakest.

[Agora1 in reply to ScottieStyles]

Scottie, I know you are trying and that's all you can do right now. Time will take care of the rest. I'm happy to hear that you will be going to Tai Chi tonight. Had done that for years. A proven way of calming the mind and body and bringing you into a more balanced peaceful state.

Wishing you well. We're only a message away.

[ScottieStyles in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for the words of encouragement. i am getting better, its been a long painful year/ I never felt this way over a breakup before/ I have tried talking to freinds about it. all I get is .just forget about it, your fine, They dont understand the stress that depression brings on. anyway chin up as they say

[Agora1 in reply to ScottieStyles]

Scottie, you are your own best advocate. Only others who struggle with depression and anxiety can truly understand the pain but know that even we can't feel what your heart feels. Sending you comfort and support on this difficult journey. We care.

[ScottieStyles in reply to Agora1]

I'm not doing to bad today, had a pretty good weekend, i would say im about 60% happy today

[Agora1 in reply to ScottieStyles]

Scottie, 60% is good, grab on to it and embrace it. One day the sun will shine brightly in your life again. Believe in that.

[ScottieStyles in reply to Agora1]

Had a bit of a relapse this morning. I woke up at 5am with my ex on my mind again, it s taken untill now to shift the thoughts. Hell I still miss her, sometimes I wish I could just tell her. but I cant

[Agora1 in reply to ScottieStyles]

Scottie, and so hold that thought of her in your heart. It's okay to miss someone you cared about. You're being honest with yourself and your feelings. You are thinking with your heart but your mind knows that for both of your sakes, you must

let it go.

[ScottieStyles in reply to Agora1]

i have got to the point where I have more good days than bad days, I have 1 bad day about once a week, on these days I still do get realy sad as I know that both of us lost a really good thing that we had going

[Agora1 in reply to ScottieStyles]

Ever so slowly but you are healing Scottie. We're always here to see you through the bad day. You're never alone.

[ScottieStyles in reply to Agora1]

I been OK until today, saw a old pic of us on Facebook, which sent me crashing, I can't believe that I still feel this upset, after 1 year of being split christ it sucks

[Agora1 in reply to ScottieStyles]

Hi Scottie, one year is not that long ago. The hurt is fresh. It doesn't take much to reopen that wound. When we truly love from our heart, it takes time. Only time heals affairs of the heart. Don't be hard on yourself. Although I will say try not to dwell on what might have been but more on what the situation was really like. Fate may bring us together for whatever reason but when 2 people part ways, know that it was for the best. I do understand your pain Scottie. One day at a time is all you can do. You will find that happy place again.

[ScottieStyles in reply to Agora1]

I know, I think what upset me most is knowing we will never really speak to each other again, that and the sex, to me it feels like she has died, like the Kylie song, I just can't get her out of my head, today has been the worst I felt for a long time, sick of this heart ache

[Agora1 in reply to ScottieStyles]

I know that song all too well. A good analogy of what you are feeling mentally. As for physically never speaking to her again? Never say never...The only thing final in our lives is death. Right now you are feeling the emotional death of your love for her. She is alive and well. But has choosen to move on.

When the heartache is so great, our memories of what it was becomes magnified as well. Sex is a physical act but along with that comes a spiritual and emotional connection as well. Be honest with yourself in that there were issues and red flags that came up during your time with her. Did you really have it all??

Scottie, remember the good times but in order to feel better you will need to release that all perfect relationship from your mind. I have an idea that may help you in doing that. May sound corny but psychologically it will help.

Write down you thoughts, your feelings and your love for her on a small piece of paper. Say your goodbyes. Put that piece of paper in a helium filled balloon. Take it to a beautiful open field, say your last goodbye and release all those feelings into the sky. Watch as the balloon sails away in the wind until you can no longer see it. With tears, let this be the closure you need in order to go forward with your life.

Be thankful for the moments you had, but know that the time has come to let go.

I understand Scottie how much it hurts and hope that this may just be a small way in allowing you to live again and not just exist with memories as your partner.

[dee_bells]

ScottieStyles,

Heartache is the worst! I feel so bad that your heart is breaking! Please try and move on with your life. Has your ex moved on? Most likely and I’m sorry if I’m brutal but “love hurts” and you learn from it.

My son just went through a horrible divorce and he didn’t want to give up on her because he still loved her. But she treated him badly. The only thing I could tell him was that while he is banging onto the wrong girl, the right one is just waiting to meet him.

He wanted to quit a good job and be a hermit. I encouraged him to hang onto his job because it was the only stable thing he had in his life.

There are so many cliches but they are true : with time all wounds will heal. Focus on one tiny happy thing. Then something bigger the next day. And more and more.

I know my son still hurts and I know with time he’ll feel better and so will you.

Don’t give up on love! I wish you strength and sending you hugs. Please come back and express your feelings. Hugs. ❤️❤️❤️

[ScottieStyles in reply to dee_bells]

Thanks for the hugs, I have been through this before, including a divorce, for some reason, suzie who was 8 years older than me, im 47 seemed to be the one, I was so I love, I still feel lost with out her

[dee_bells in reply to ScottieStyles]

ScottieStyles, I’m a disillusioned old soul and I’ve been married 29 years. I didn’t say happily married 😬

But I believed in love once and I believe in love for my two kids, other people but not for me. My husband and I stay together because it’s convenient and we do care about each other.

There is someone else out there for you. I believe it as I believe it for my son as well. Do something positive for yourself daily. With time it will get better. Take care. Again more hugs. 😁

[ScottieStyles in reply to dee_bells]

I do try to keep active, for example in at the gym this morning, things are slowly getting better, I mean it's been over a year since we split, however I know we lost something very special, and there is a major hole in my heart at the moment, and when I get my down days, like I did yesterday, I get very very low, like its the first day of the split, I know she does have some kind of feelings for me, I miss the friendship most,

[dee_bells]

Are you dating? My son texts me almost every day, he lives in another state. He is out there on dating apps, chatting with girls although he mentions his ex a lot. There are many nice women out there. At least you’re getting to the gym, healing takes time.

[ScottieStyles in reply to dee_bells]

Yes I'm dating, and have been seing this new gf for about a year now, how ever I still have feelings for my ex, I heard yesterday that she is still single and may have regrets, I'm now not sure what to do,

[ScottieStyles]

Yesterday was a bad day for me, I did the really stupid of driving past her house, don't know what I was hoping to achieve, it's just some days a get proper low and feel the need to reach out,