today is the 25THth of June, the 1 year anniversary of my breakup from mow ex girlfriend (christ I hate those words) She broke my Heart on Sunday June 17th
at 5.30pm , I can still remember that faithful day, I had been working in my garden ( painting the fence), I have made Sunday lunch. including a spare dinner in which In had plated her up and was going to bring to her house as I believed she was working this day, So I called her up expecting everything to be fine, and to tell her I had made her dinner I would be round with wine shortly. It was then when she announced that she had been all day alone and wanted to know why I had’nd called her earlier as she had wanted to go out, I apologized telling her I thought she was working, it was then when she came out with those most hurtful and painful words , I want a break. when i said I break from what she said you, its over !!! ( 4 years down the pan there and then ). I asked why and she informs me she is no longer happy.
My feelings at that moment felt like my whole soul had been sucked out, and I was just left with this cold numb feeling ( which has never really gone away)
The last 2-3 months of our relationship had hit a slightly rocky patch, as I was dealing with a alot of personnel family stuff, which involved my 2 children’s step dad ( actually he wasn’t even that he was just a twat) being sent down for 7 years for attempted murder of my ex wife..
I have also been dealing with the poor health of my mother who has dementia. IJUst when I needed some full on support from my loved one , she decided to rip my heart out and leave me. as you can Imagine I was devastated. ( I will get back to this bit soon, first some background info )
So how did we meet, way way back Aug 2013 I was on the dating site POF, anyway one day I got a message in my inbox, it was from heri who simply said Hi, nice profile, I responded back to her a couple of days, and before you know it we were on our first date, The first date went really well, we had a private joke about her wanting to drink pints rather than halfs, which was fine by me, and also her thought I was bit of a rogue as she caught me having cheeky look at her boobs.
there soon followed a 2nd date then the third and before you know it the full on relationship
With Suzie everything was perfect, he lived close by, we shared the same jokes and love for music together ( we are both big Bowie fans). she met my friends and they got on like a house on fire, she liked my 2 kids and importantly for me my kids trusted her. over the 4 years we were together everything was great, we had about a dozen holidays with each other, we have been to weddings together, there we only 2-3 times were we had a tiff,row , but nothing major. the sex was great, we were best friends, I was staying at her house about 3-4 days a week. I still had to go back to my as my son was now living with me.
The only downfall about her was she slight drink problem, she is 56 ( 8 years my senior) which did not bother me atoll, however she always wanted to be the last one out, if we ever went out for a drink or a party she would always bee the one that got totally wasted. whom insisted in staying out for the extra hour when it was time to come home, which did turn into the odd row from time to time.
so back to where I am today. Its been a year and I am still totally hear broken, I have tried allsorts to get her back. letters ,flowers, xmas gifts, more letters, texts, we have even had the one meet up, for a drink, which went well. I know there is now no chance ( well maybe 1 in a billon) in getting back together, I this is the horrible bit, I am now in a relationship), but I am still having days where I think about her , I loved her so much ,she just never knew,I would still do anything for her, yep I should hate her, she has hurt me so much that i have been on anti depressants for the last 6 months and had 2 lots of counseling, ye each day gets a tiny bit better, but I know I can never really heal the wound in my heart.
It was this episode which has triggered my slump into depression.
i have tried taking about this to friends and family, but nobody really understands,
I even have to pass her house everyday to work ,which does not help.
anyway this is my story,.