A dilemma

[mizzou7016]

I have a situation that I'm worried about and need advice on how to handle...I am in a relationship that has been going on for a couple of months...she currently lives far away but is working on transferring to the same facility that I work at...(she currently is on a team that travels back and forth) my dilemma is that I am afraid that she wants to move in right away....it's not that i don't want her to be a part of my life.....I just don't think that we are far along enough in our relationship to live together...how do I let her know that i want her to be a part of me...but i'm not ready for that type of commitment yet

[Xene]

Hi, has she intimated that she thinks she’s moving in with you straight away? If not when you’re chatting just drop in something like “When you come back have you thought about where you’ll be living?” Then depending on her answer you can tell her how you feel.

[Xene in reply to Xene]

🤞👌👍🤷‍♀️

[mizzou7016]

It's not a matter of rejection...I've enjoyed the last month/month and a half being with her....just not sure that I am ready to live with anyone right now...I don't want the relationship to end.....just not ready for a live together commitment

[MyBeanie in reply to mizzou7016]

Make it about your place; make it about waiting until she is familiar with the area and you look for a place chosen by both of you.

[mizzou7016]

It's not a matter of rejection...I've enjoyed the last month/month and a half being with her....just not sure that I am ready to live with anyone right now...I don't want the relationship to end.....just not ready for a live together commitment

[MaggieSylvie in reply to mizzou7016]

That's exactly what you should say to her once the subject has been opened.

[mizzou7016]

we have started that.....and i have talked that way

[Hidden]

Hm. I think I’d probably show lots of love and excitment of my partner moving and after a few days and repeatedly enthusiastically offer help looking for an apartment.. maybe wrap it up in love and charm and support? like deliver it with an offer of help and welcoming not the info something can not happen.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

and if there is confusion or upset I’d just be honest with kind words, (if you feel this way of course) that your relationship is special and you are happy to be closer. That because you value her and this relationship you’d really like it to work out so you want to only move in once you feel 100% ready. that you love the relationship and her and where it is going it’s just you need a little more time for that step.

[MyBeanie in reply to Hidden]

WAIT!…Mizzou…I am totally with lia on this one!!!! If you want this girl to transfer, remember that she is making a big change, moving to be near you, so if you truly are pleased that she is, I wouldn’t plant any seeds of doubt!!! She first needs to know you really are happy! If I were her, I’d doubt my decision, no matter how kindly you do it, if you open up concern about living together right away. Honesty is valuable, yes, and she may well be thinking just like you, but…wording it with a different reason wouldn’t shake her beliefs. When the opportunity presents itself, I’d say: “I so wish my place was nicer and big enough for us to feel like we have our own space. I don’t want you to feel like you’re ‘visiting’ ‘my’ home. If we find you a little place nearby, you can settle in to the area, and then we can think about where and when we can find a perfect place for two!” Which, from what you’ve said is what you eventually hope for! If she’s new to the area…she likely really wants to be shown around and not overwhelmed.

[Hidden in reply to MyBeanie]

Same. I would doubt my question to move if there was doubt from the other side. It’s a huge change. But I’m not in the situation. if she deep down would want to move there/ start somewhere new anyway not just for the relationship I’d be as nice and loving as possible ♥️ but truthful. Otherwise… There is time. To make a decision when both feel ready and to move.

[gcfatts]

Are you excited she is moving to your town? If not, then she may not be girlfriend material IMO. If you are but just don’t want to live together then she should understand that. Good luck

[mizzou7016 in reply to gcfatts]

I'm very excited that we are together and that she is moving up this way.....The only reason I would say that I'm not ready for her to move in yet is that our relationship is under 2 months old....

[MyBeanie in reply to mizzou7016]

If that really is your only concern, I wouldn’t make her doubt you- please read my answer above with lia’s…

[ladybyrd]

Tell her what you said here. If you can't be honest with her than she probably someone you don't won’t to be with. You can never go wrong with being honest. It sounds like you don't wont her to be upset with you and feel pressured into doing something when your not ready. If she is the right one she will respect your wishes. Setting some boundaries can be a gauge on how healthy your relationship is with her and with others. Hope this is a help on some way.

[pamb67]

You need to have an open honest conversation with her face to face so she knows where she stands