I would love ideas on how to end a friendship. I have someone who I thought it was a friend but after learning boundaries I know she was just using me .
The problem is , she leaves very close to my house and we have had a really close relationship for the past 5 years. Our families know each other , we have spent Holidays together , we have gone on vacations together . We live in a small town and we know a lot of the same people . I have asked her for space , I am constantly saying no to her invites but she doesn’t get it .
She makes me physically sick ! She stopped by today , unannounced, and after she left I am having so much anxiety !
I wish I had learned boundaries when I was a teenager because in my 40s is just too hard 😩
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foxglove_pnw
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When my boundaries weren’t being respected within a friendship, even when after I tried direct honesty & love, I told the “friend” that we just weren’t a right fit for each other at this point in our lives and I wished her the best.
I would say just that. I have to set some boundaries with our friendship. I'm starting to get stressed out. Set the boundaries. People don't like when others make a change. They get angry and may push back because you are standing firm. I've had to do this with family. Once you get the courage to speak up for yourself you will feel so much better.
Thanks Dolphin14 ! I have changed a lot in the past year. 2 weeks ago , I told her that I am more mindful of my time and that I am enjoying alone time but she doesn’t get it . I just need to stand my ground ! I haven’t gone to her house since last November 😳 Still she doesn’t get it .
I heard a good idea once. When someone knocks on your door put your coat on. If it's someone you want to see say you have just got back in. If it's her say you were just going out and have to rush! Say you have an appointment or something, make your excuses and go.
Yes! Stand your ground! She may never "get it," but that's okay. You can still tell her respectfully & lovingly that this is you. You are doing great! Thanks for the inspiration!
Thanks for posting this. I know I struggle with boundaries, too. Especially in frienships that have been established like the one you're talking about. It's like waking up in the middle of a flood & realizing you need to start paddling or you're going to drown. That sounds dramatic, but it's how I've felt with certain friends sometimes! Best wishes, foxglove.
It sounds about right ! It is hard because the person already knows us without boundaries !
This particular person is like that with everyone , I guess I am just too nice to realize when we first met . She always ask for favors and I always did because I wanted to keep the relationship. If I tried to say maybe , she would ask over and over why not !
Good luck on setting boundaries ! Thanks for the the message 😊
Hello- I’m sorry you are experiencing this. Just like any relationship, to have healthy friendship we need to set boundaries. I used to say yes most of the time just to please a friend but I realized I’m not happy anymore. I was thinking if she’s a real friend, she would respect my boundaries and thankfully it works. I hope your friend will respect your boundaries and things will go well.
Please keep us posted, I’m praying for you. God bless.
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