Showing Empathy

[lovetodance2018]

Today I remember how important it is to be empathetic. I also learned that I know what causes my triggers and can catch myself before I spiral.

My husband and I were talking and he was really frustrated about something but was taking his frustration out on me by saying hurtful things I know he didn't mean, but they still hurt. In the past that would cause me to spiral and possibly even fall into depression. However, instead of spiraling, I left the room, prayed, and then realized I had to be empathetic to him. Even though him taking his frustration out on me was not right, I tried to understand the situation from his perspective. So when I went back to talk to him, I showed empathy to the situation and things went better from there. I read a great article that talked about an empathy sheet. I wanted to share it with you. (bit.ly/2IL9P47)

[Hidden]

I’m glad it worked out for you. Hope everything works out form now on. I’m in the same boat and I want to read that article. The link doesn’t seem to work. Could you repost it?

[lovetodance2018 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you and I am glad you are doing well. I tried the link again and it works. I think when you tried it the site may have been updating. There is also another great article on that site about controlling your thoughts. bit.ly/2K7n4fk

[lovetodance2018 in reply to Hidden]

bit.ly/2IL9P47 Here is the link for the first article again.

[Susan512]

Hi love, sounds like my husband everything's my fault, he doesn't even say his sorry as if it's going to kill him if he say he's sorry, but I don't stay quiet anymore, I talk back and I feel much better.

[lovetodance2018 in reply to Susan512]

Yes, it does make me feel better too when I do not to allow him to make things appear to be my fault. We have been together since our teens. That was over 30 years ago. We had some really hard times where he would take his frustrations of work on me through his anger and blaming me. The hard part is I had a tough time not standing up for myself. Which I know as my daughters were growing up bothered them. He is a loving man, but it took me going through episides of depression, him going through his own depressipn, prayer and Christian marital counseling to help us learn to communicate to each other in a living way even when he is frustrated. I have learned in the heat of the moment to remove myself from the situation, not talk back, which will only esculate things. Instead I would pray for wisdom, and then after things cool down, I would explain that when he is frustrated or upset he should not take thhay out on me by blaming me or making it about me, when it is really about something else. This is when I learned to be empathetic and that has helped with our communication. If your husband continues to blame you, try the empathetic approach. If that doesn’t work you might consider counseling. I can recommend an online group that can help you get the right counselors. I will be praying for your relationship. God bless. ❤️

[Susan512 in reply to lovetodance2018]

Hi love, I know this anxiety has something to do with my husband, I would get heart palpitations when I hear him coming even when things are doing just fine, I guess after being with him for over 35 years things changed but we're still together, but hearing his mouth and not saying anything my nervous system took a beating so he knows now when to shut up, I can also give him the cold shoulder and he knows to leave me alone 😁

[lovetodance2018 in reply to Susan512]

I know how you are feeling. I struggled with that for years. I actually didn’t want to come home from work just so I didn’t haven’t to interact with my husband. I knew we couldn’t continue going on like that. I prayed often with friends about my husband being aware of how he treated me. I knew talking with him was something that never seem to work, so I wrote letters to him. Sometimes, I just wrote them but did not give it to him, at least not right away. However, it did help to get everything I was feeling out on paper. Are there times where you can talk to your husband without feel anxious? Would your husband be willing to go for counseling? I learned that what my husband was doing was verbal abuse and I couldn’t let him continue to do that to me. I had to do something for myself. If your husband isn’t willing to go to counseling I still recommend you try counseling. I learned through counseling that I am an importat and matter and shouldn’t be treated the way I have been treated. Over times I learned strategies to not allow my husband to control me and learned to stand up to him. After a while, he began to notice a difference and actually respected me more and didn’t step all over me. This site has some great articles about taking control. One is on not feeling cornered, another on not letting words hurt you. bit.ly/2K7n4fk Also I would recommend this group to help you find a counselor. bit.ly/2DS3v7S Finally read this article about verbal abuse and how to cope. bit.ly/2FnGDhN

I will be praying for you and I know how scary it is to make the attempt to change the situation but it is important for you and you matter.

My husband did learn that he was hurting me and that he was taking his frustrations out on me. However, you know the phrase old habits die hard. Sometimes he does revert back to his old ways, but now I tell him I don’t need to be talked to that way it is not respectful and leave the room until he cools down and then we can discuss what is really bothering him which most of the time it is usually not about me.

I am here to chat anytime. Hugs! 😘🤗

[Susan512 in reply to lovetodance2018]

Hi love, thank so much for caring, and its verbal abuse and its just as bad as physical abuse, I told him that he's verbally abusive and he did calm down a lot, we went to counseling together and he didn't last 3 minutes and walked out and said to me that I threw him under the bus (smile) whatever that meant but I didn't care but he's being careful now when he opens his mouth. He's much better....thank for praying for me and my husband, I will include you on my prayer too, I like praying the rosary at night before going to bed, and yes we will be stronger than ever for standing up for ourselves 💛

[lovetodance2018 in reply to Susan512]

So glad he is thinking before he speaks. That is a huge breakthrough even if he doesn’t go to counseling. Just remember don’t let him be rude to you. You don’t deserve it, you should be treated with love and compassion and don’t let anyone tell you differently. Love and Blessings. 🤗💕

[Hidden]

I am so happy for you that it in the end wound up good for you! Life sure has it's challenges...we just need to learn how to deal with them & get through it! XOXO!