How has your depression/ anxiety affected your children?

[Beachcomber75]

I have an 18 yr old son & an 11 yr old girl. I hate it when I see them displaying traits & habits they've obviously learned from me, easy frustration, timidness to try things& worry.

My own mother was depressed my whole life & I know it was not pleasant & I picked up her pessimistic outlook & lack of coping skills.

They are great kids & I love them with all my heart but I feel like I am damaging them. My son came to me with a problem & I tried my best to give him encouraging words but I honestly just felt gloom and doom for the situation. I felt like, "please, no more, I can't handle any more." He needed me, his mom, to give him guidance & make him feel strong enough to get through it & I had nothing to give him but empty words. Breaks my heart.😞

[Hidden]

One thing I have learned from my stepmom is that when your having a bad day don't take it out on your kids. It stresses the kids out and think your going to fall apart at any moment. Stay strong for them. If one of them has a problem, give the best advice. Don't tell them anything that might stress them out because my stepmom is really hard on me and it impacts my day to day life.

[Beachcomber75 in reply to Hidden]

I know. I realize when I'm not doing good. I basically just don't say anything because I don't want them to have to deal with it. They deserve better than that.

[Hidden in reply to Beachcomber75]

See the one thing I have learned when my stepmom is upset don't ask for anything. She has no filter at home, so when she's mad she takes it out on me mostly

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

That's why our traumas, abuse, neglect etc makes us stronger better people. We learn what not to do and how to be strong and overcome and love our loved ones, especially our children to pieces. Use it for the duration of your life. When someone wrongs you, just think, thank you, you just made be stronger and better.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Exactly! That's why I'm not going to be like my stepmom. My future kids don't need it

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You will be the best parent. You have a good heart and would never hurt anyone.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I sure try not to hurt anyone

[Billsfriend]

I would encourage you to say something like, " l need some time to think about it"

Chances are you will be much more helpful if you have time to think, talk to others etc.

If you don't have anyone else to talk about it with, you can always come back here!

[Billsfriend]

You are Very fortunate to have enough self awareness to be able to work on this while your kids are young. I never had any idea what I was passing on to my Kids until they were grown. Fortunately they found their own way, and completely recovered from any damages I did!

[Hidden]

It truly broke my heart to read your post. I feel exactly the same way. I have two boys 16 and 12. The hardest part of this journey is to try not to hurt them. And of course I do at times! But I try to always apologize and be honest with them. I tell them how loved they are, how strong they are, and give them specific examples.

I personally don’t believe in drugs and have had so much fear in taking medication. I finally decided to try, mainly for their sake. I also think having a good therapist has helped me so much!

[JkBrauer]

Hello beachcomber,

I hope you are having a better day today. It sounds like you are a good mom trying to do your best. Hang in there, being a parent is a tough job. But, you can do it! I am not a good communicator with my husband and kids either. "You do the best you can with what you have. " I did not have parents who communicated when I was growing up, so I had to learn along with my kids and husband. Most of my time was failures, HOWEVER, through my failures, I grew stronger and wiser in the things I should do. I'm still messing up today and learning new things all the time. - Do not beat yourself up! If you give your kids the love they need by your actions, they will be fine. I learned to be creative with my kids when they were younger. If I did not

know the answer, we would go to the computer together or call a family member or friend up and ask for advice or help with the problem. We would read a book or listen to an audio story about a situation and then discuss how they solved the problem..