Know someone who doesn't believe depression is real?

[fallingrainbows]

I'm sure plenty of people know someone who doesn't believe depression is real. I'm really struggling with my husband who considers people who struggle with depression as "overreacting to a situation" or "staying in their head too much." He doesn't believe in taking medications for it because he thinks you can just talk yourself out of it. He gets frustrated with me when I have my low moments and even on my off days where I'm kind of just "not there" and doesn't understand it. I don't know what to say to him or what to do to get him to be on the same page with me. Sometimes his reactions to my mood can send me spiraling down. I usually try to go off somewhere by myself to avoid any comments or make him concerned. This post paints him in a bad light, I know, but it doesn't represent all of him. He is a very loving soul. Have any of you experienced a similar situation with a loved one? What have you done/said? I doubt I can change his mind but I have hope (sometimes) that I can get him to better understand me some day.

[Gh0st]

My girlfriend is a bit like that, as you said with your husband she is not a bad person, just doesn't understand the deep of what I'm going through... Sometimes when I'm feeling bad or having a panic attack and she said to me that I just have to avoid focus on that or something like that I respond: it's impossible that you feel what I'm feeling right now, I don't want you to feel it or even totally understand it, I just want you to be there, is like I have a broken leg, you don't feel it you don't understand it it's just a broken leg and meanwhile it heals I need a bit of help... I don't know if you understand what I'm saying, the point is that your husband just realize that in those moments of need, he just needs to be there... Sounds easy but I know it's not, like everything in a relationship it's a process, but it can be done, just talk to him and be patient...

[Piggiesmalls]

Unfortunately that was me. Until I reached this point in my life where I realized I myself am having issues. Have ruled out all medical causes by a variety of tests and determined it is psychological. I honestly have zero advice on how to change his mind, because mine couldn't be changed until I realized my own issues. I've always been the "push through solves all" type. Well, it is not solving things for me sadly. It is hard, but sometimes even our closest partners can not always talk about everything. I have very few friends in my life, but they are who I go to rather then my significant other to talk to. I know this isn't exactly helpful, but from someone previously was the same as your husband that could be how he sees it. You are welcome to show him my reply if maybe an outside source of input helps him see how it hurts you. Which it took me figuring out my issues to see.

Otherwise, my best recommendation would be to discuss things with a close friend. That way you get to talk about things but don't have the negative reactions that hurt you more. Possibly will help prevent resentment over that while you're working towards happiness.

Hope for the best for you! Sorry I couldn't be more helpful from my own experience!

[PhilFrantan3]

Hi. What I say to people is I ask them if they’ve ever been depressed from losing a loved one. If they have, I tell them that’s what we (people with depression) feel like almost every day.

[bonkers65]

You HAVE TO experience it to know what it's like.

[Purrsona]

I am so, so sorry. All I can say is I have the impression you are taking too much responsibility for his damaging misconceptions. You say, "I don't know what to say to him or what to do to get him to be on the same page with me." If he is refusing to face facts and educate himself, you can't blame yourself for failing to convince him. I agree with the above commenters that you should have a confidante and hopefully some professional help. Perhaps couples counseling might do some good, if that's an option for you?

I don't mean to sound harsh or anything, especially not toward you. It's just that denying someone else's medical condition is a really hurtful thing to do. Good luck <3

[BigHam]

Afraid I cannot offer advice only my solidarity. My wife refuses to accept I have anxiety, depression & stress issues. Tried for years to convince, then stopped as the effort was taking energy I needed elsewhere. It's massively frustrating as this could be my support source. I've laid out as a clearly as I can what happens and how I feel. Though that is also a struggle. I find describing my afflicationd tricky. Daring to suggest this & her other toxic actions inflame my symptoms & turns the viscous wheel, as she instantly overreacts to such allegations, further accentuating the initial disconnect and, guess what, my anxiety, depression and stress. Damned if I do & damned if I don't. Suffering in silence also brings painful reaction but as it's not so dramatic and exhausting , I choose it as the lesser of the two evils. It's difficult when experience medical opinion and records clearly show there are problems. I suspect it is part of a bigger divide but the children, lockdown & relayed constructions have created a very tangled knot indeed. I hope that once I finally get the right meds and the current external situations abate, I will have the strength to resolve the disconnect one way or another. Easy to say I know, but try not to overthink his words and actions or argue. If you are suffering it's not an equal or fair debate. You have to come first. Your health and well being affects everything. You won't fix anything when you are running empty. Be strong and look after number 1.

[Hidden]

He doesn’t understand because he has never been to that horrific place in his mind.

Lucky him

[lovetodance2018]

Thank you for sharing. Yes, there are so many people who don't realize depression is a disease and not something we choose to bring upon ourselves. I found people especially who believe in God can't understand why someone could struggle with depression if they have faith in God. That isn't the case, depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. My psychiatrist once explained it to me by comparing depression to diabetes. Just like a diabetic needs insulin to keep there sugar levels balanced. A person struggling with depression need anti-depressants to keep the chemicals in their brain balanced. Once those are balanced then through therapy you can learn your triggers and underlying root. I know from my own experience, yes thoughts can trigger depression, however, once in the depressive state, without medication I can not get balanced. Here is an article (bit.ly/2YI3xs0) that might be helpful for your husband to read to understand more about depression. If you ever want to chat feel free to pm me. I will be praying for you and know you are not alone. We are here for you and we understand. Hugs and God Bless

[KittenMittens22]

We may not be able to provide advice on how to change his mind, but maybe you can tell him that even if he doesn’t understand, to at least not make you feel bad when you’re feeling that way. Maybe tell him to not make any comments or show frustration. Like if he can’t help you, at least don’t make it worse.

[Walneywanderer1979]

he seems very narrow minded tell him to look into it more and read up on it as just because its never effected him doesn't mean it doesn't exsist im a man age 41 and I have suffered with it most my adult life

[lovetodance2018]

How are things going? I have been praying for you. Hugs

[fallingrainbows in reply to lovetodance2018]

Thank you for checking in. I'm doing well. I haven't had any low days because I'm so preoccupied with studying to take my nursing boards. I'm hoping the days after boards that I won't be too down but I guess I won't know until then. Thank you for the prayers

[Careyon]

I do believe depression is real and I’m sorry you experience it and sorry your husband doesn’t understand how debilitating it can be and that if it were up to you, you would not choose it. There are some great articles here, bit.ly/2FjDRef, that may be helpful to both of you. Praying God gives you peace and your hubby understanding.