I wish it didn’t seem like things are falling apart. My hair, my courage, my happiness. I’m so so saddened but I cannot cry. My partner just got so frustrated with me (he’s usually really good and understanding) making remarks that hurt and then got angry and defensive when I spoke up to him about it. I’m tired of this life. I feel useless to some and tossed aside and unloved. All because I feared a panic attack and asked a favor, it was too much piled on top of past favors I assume and he is apparently tired of me loosing capabilities that I have had and may seem like I should still be capable of. I have been keeping up with pushing myself out of comfort zones and accomplishing but I’m not perfect and do have setbacks. Trying to believe I’m going to be okay. I wish I was happy but I am wasting my beautiful life. My life seems beautiful because of my relationship with my kids who are amazing and I love them more than anything and I’m a great mom to them but guilt plagues me as to what damage has been done when they hear and see what is going on with me when I can’t go on a field trip or when they can tell I am not happy mommy. I will do what I can and try not to listen to putdowns from critics. I will try to stop mine reading that others think bad of me. I am feeling like such a mess and I cannot keep doing this, I cannot. Something is going to give. It’s just too much. My brain is so full. Guilt for even writing about myself at all. What will I do when my kids are gone. I feel I have nothing going for myself... the thought of school which I used to love is too overwhelming...sorry I’m just a mess right now so many thoughts racing.
Frustrated with myself and self estee... - Anxiety and Depre...
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