Self esteem and a journey into liking myself again

[Starrlight]

So I’m working on self esteem and since I think low of myself I tend to think others view me in a bad way so I’m telling myself well if they do then who cares but I still feel bad. I guess I need to get used to feeling good about myself for myself only but how when I was raised to think so bad of myself, you know? I need to switch over to better self talk. Affirmations are nice but there must be other things that can help. Maybe acting like who I want to be instead of doing things that I despise in myself? That’s a start anyway. Who is my ideal self that I can reinvent myself into? Has anyone gone through this kind of a journey; I’d love to hear about it.

[Hidden]

I have low self-esteem as well, so I'll be interested to see what others have to say.

I hope you're doing well.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

❤️

[Luna-blade]

Hey dear friend. What a coincidence! I was looking up this topic today since I was thinking of my self esteem and how I was raised to hate myself instead of loving it. I never felt confident of myself or of my looks despite the fact others keep telling me I’m beautiful and smart. However, I don’t feel that way and that throws me into depression and hesitation all the time. I read many articles stating that a shattered self could never gain back its worth since parents already shaped it the way they want. Imagine I hated marriage and myself and sometimes my life for having suffered from OCD due to my dads abusive behavior at home. Exactly today I was telling myself what a failure I am and sometimes unwillingly I envy other married couples or single people that I view as happy or having more peace at their home. Dunno starlight to what extent could we mend a broken window or to what extent a whole window could be replaced by a new one when it comes to one’s self! I have tried hard to pretend power over the years, struggled through failed love relationships, a failed 3 year engagement, continuous job change which led me to more experience and higher status ( positive thing 😂) but on the personal level, I gave lots of love and received so little and that broke my self esteem even further to the point I’m avoiding personal relationships it’s been a long time. I fear I won’t succeed though in education I always do but in other ways I never do 😂 Fear leads to low self esteem I guess. Fear destroys a person and their identity and till now that fear of my dad still eats me up. However, I guess self esteem could be rebuilt though it would take lots of effort. It’s a mindset! Thx for the topic you tackled 😘

[Starrlight in reply to Luna-blade]

Very interesting. I’ve liked and loved myself, accepted it all...but then I tend to sink back into the not good enough and non belief in myself. I struggled in school until college all As yet I never decided what I wanted to actually do except in things which seemed to have gotten me nowhere ... I have kids which I am blessed with and a loving husband but I have always struggled with jobs unlike you, I wish I had that you are very blessed.

[Luna-blade in reply to Starrlight]

Nothing came easily since as I was moving from one job to another, I was growing kind of retaliation against bad bosses and horrible employees who gave me indirectly the motivation to aspire to a higher position. However, you are blessed for having made a family. You know till now I have never known what I wanted to be! Maybe I wanted to be a singer or a dancer or a tv presenter but didn’t have the freedom or means of achieving that so I turned to linguistics and writing. My dad was all the time in control and still till now. That’s what destroyed my self esteem as I never knew what I wanted and had the decisions made for me in the past. Being constantly rebuked and expected to be perfect destroyed my self esteem. But again you can work on it when you stop caring about how others view you or think of you. Just being yourself letting go of indecisiveness can gradually get back things into normal

[Starrlight in reply to Luna-blade]

My dad was/is a control freak

[Starrlight in reply to Luna-blade]

I believe you’re right, it’s a mindset! We can get where we want. Sometimes things get in the way but I think if we try our best and it’s meant to be...

[Luna-blade in reply to Starrlight]

You know if one could spend enough time to train one’s mind to overlook fear and hesitation, a lot could be done!! Why should dads be like that 😂 and they are not even aware of it !!

[Starrlight in reply to Luna-blade]

((((((((Hug)))))))

[Luna-blade in reply to Starrlight]

🤗

[Hidden]

Hello Starlight.

Why would you want to change yourself, you are an individual and you are who you are not what other people want you to be. The world would be a real concern if we were all the same. You are who you are and do not forget that. If people or friends want you to change, they are not considering your interests and expectations in Life

BOB

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for making me really think on this Borderriever. I think I do want to be me, but a better version of me. Maybe I pick at myself too much but I just have these ideas of who I want to be and right now I’m happy with myself in ways but all my life there’s always been something that has kept me from accepting myself fully but I am working on it. How does one accept themselves fully? I want to. I know it’s okay and perfect to not be perfect and perfect doesn’t exist unless you believe in God

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

We all change over the years Starlight, the problem is we are not another person we are us and that is what we need to understand. If people or friends expect you to change for them they are not friends, the same applies to members of the opposite sex. I did change in many ways over the fifty years we have been together although we complement each other and that is completely different I am good at some thing and my Wife is good at other things, we also stand up for each other. You mention faith, everyone has their own ideas although generally we both feel very similar.

Be yourself

BOB

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Sometimes I know me but often I get confused as to who I am... maybe due to changes going through with bipolar. I know the real me is kind but sometimes I feel myself getting bitter and paranoid when I sense others are a danger to me. That’s when I start loosing myself. I allow my views to change how I act. I mean we have this one life and I become distraught thinking I’m not doing good enough, all we can do is our best but even that sometimes is not good enough.

[sophie4]

Starrlight,I'm going to respond tomorrow. For some reason...unlike me...I'm actually sleepy and I want to be wide awake and clear when I respond. Hope you understand.

[Starrlight in reply to sophie4]

✨ 🌙 sweet dreams Sophie

[Nothing_but_books]

I don't have something to contribute, but I am here to learn. So much easier to admire the blessings I see in others than to look in the mirror. I want to see what others offer.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

❤️

[Hidden]

Yes. My whole life. I’m glad you are aware of it and are doing sowmthing about it.

So it’s really funny because the other day I was watching a movie in the movies like a really old movie. The point is of the movie is that this girl was born with the nose of a pig and her whole family and her believe that in order for her to get her nose to break the spell back to normal she would need to marry someone rich and. In the end it turned out she decided not to get married to the guy that wanted to marry her because she learned to love and except herself. When she learned to except her self her nose turned into her regular beautiful nose the pig noseDisappeared. So I am assuming the storyline is as a soon as we can learn to except and love ourselves , the true beauty in ourselves and become we will feel beautiful or something along those lines it’s funny because I thought the funny movie actually made sense to me. The moral of the story is is she broke the curse her self she didn’t need to marry someone rich to break the spell she just need to learn to love and except herself and then she broke the pig nose

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

❤️

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Had to fix some errors. Sorry god my English is horrible ahhaha

[Hidden]

I suffer from self-esteem as well. It came from my mother and lets just say she was not nice. My dad is my 😇 and my heart. I think god for him.

He reminds me every day it is not what others think it is what I think. Also that I am stronger and smarter than I think I am. Don't give up we will get the self-confidence one day.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Tigger. Great attitude

[SilentScream]

I know the feeling all too well. I love the word "but" because in most cases it is used as a negative. I have changed it to a positive. You have already given your "but" in trying to reinvent yourself. This is a positive thing as it will start the process of creating a new you. BUT, remain true to yourself. I tried to change for others and ended up worse. Change you for you! You sound like a wonderfuI person and I wish you the best of luck with this change.

Try a positive but with every negative thought of feeling you may have. Break free from the negative and keep smiling. 🤪