So tired of fighting life

[Caseopia]

I’m at wits end. I’ve dealt with depression, panic disorder and other things since a child and ptsd as an adult. No matter how much therapy or psychiatry appointments, my opinion of life and me has not changed. I wish I was never born. I’m too weak and sick for this world. I don’t want to keep going. I’m tired. but I have no choice but live. I would never hurt those in my life from suicide so please note I am not going to hurt myself. I just wish I was someone else. I’m lost. I just needed to get that out.

[Dolphin14]

There are many forms of therapy, what kind of session do you attend?

Are you exercising? Engaging in life? What is your quality of life?

It takes a long time to heal from this and in my opinion it never goes away. It just gets easier to adjust and learn to live with it.

[Caseopia in reply to Dolphin14]

It’s really just talk therapy and learning coping skills. I was excercising and felt great but I have physical problems and need to find excercises I can do. But I’m so tired I haven’t done that. So I will do it since you suggested it. I have no friends where I live. I only have lived here a bit over 2 years. I am only around family I live with. I have severe panic disorder and recently experiencing intense anxiety when I leave the house. But I force myself to sit on the beach by home where I feel serene. I have barely anything in life but family who are toxic. But I tell myself being here is only temporary. I have no where else to go. I had my social security hearing yesterday and it was harsh. I don’t think it went well but I’m praying and trying not to be a pessimist. Sorry if I wrote too much. Thank you for your suggestions.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Caseopia]

Oh gosh no, you didn't write to much. You are trying and that's awesome.

I love the beach. Have you ever tried meditation. There is peaceful music as well as guided meditations that teach you lessons about how to rid yourself of some of the pain.

I use insight timer. I sit at the beach in the summer or a park and listen to the meditation in peace. I also use is at night.

Toxic families are very difficult, especially if you live with them. That situation doesn't help. I grew up in a toxic family.

I also use yoga to help me. Focusing on yoga poses takes my mind off other things in my life. For that amount of time I am at peace.

I hope your disability claim ends out successful. I've also been there.

[Caseopia in reply to Dolphin14]

I was talking to my therapist this morning about doing yoga again. So I am going to do it. I loved it until I stopped last year. Thank you so much for listening and giving great suggestions.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Caseopia]

Any time you want to talk I'm here. 💕

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Caseopia]

You might be able to try chair yoga. There are DVDs on Ebay and Amazon that are easy to follow.

[Caseopia in reply to Mrspjsmom]

I love yoga but my knee is keeping me from it so I thought. I never heard of chair yoga. Thank you. I’m excited and going to look into it.

[quitter333]

What are you doing daily, that you are so hurt?

I mean.. I imagine if you spent lots of time in nature, in calm seaside of meadows, there literally are not many things to make you panic really..

[Caseopia in reply to quitter333]

I don’t need a “thing” to set off panic or anxiety. I’ve suffered from panic attacks since kindergarten. I don’t know why.

[Hidden]

I am with you. It is so hard. Now someone is with you. Talk to me if i can help no matger how silly, serious, eeird, whatever hit private message if you want.

[Hidden]

Hey. Now you responded to me so. Everybody has something importantto do and your not done yet.

[kenster1]

hi sorry to read of your troubles don't keep fighting depression and anxiety embrace it accept it and you stand a far better chance of recovering well.

[growinrace]

what does day to day look like for you? I have a post-it on my desk at work that reads: It's always too early to abandon HOPE! Do you journal? Some days may seem or are challenging than others, but do put hope in faith. take it one day at a time, write the wins or daily achievements..do you think that could help?

[Caseopia in reply to growinrace]

Yes definitely. Thank you so much. I love your suggestions. Thank you so much.

[Mrspjsmom]

I make an I DID List everyday. Anything I do goes on the list. At the end of the day I am almost always suprised at how many things I accomplished. This really helps on a bad day. If you brush your teeth put it on the list. Made a phone call put it on the list. Fed your pet put it on the list. Good luck and you aren't alone. HUGS and BLESSINGS!

[Caseopia in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Great idea! I’m going to start my list now. Thank you

[Hidden]

Caseopia I understand!!!

[Caseopia in reply to Hidden]

I wish you didn't feel this way but at the same time, now I don't feel like the odd ball out. Well this feeling ever go away?

[Hidden in reply to Caseopia]

Caseopia I want to say yes! Yes it will........ then again I wonder and doubt cause for me its been a battle my whole life. Like you Trauma has been a part of life since very young then add more as an adult. I am learning a lot this past year about the brain and body connection, how trauma effects it all, and tools to help manage, cope and even heal from trauma. I figure the more I learn the more help I can give myself as well and getting the support I need, that we all need.

[Hidden]

Thanks for sharing.If you need to vent or talk, send me a private message.