Hi everyone, I’m completely new to this and never tried anything like it before. It seems like a great outlet to talk about personal problems with other people in the hopes maybe someone will listen.
I’m 18 years old and have been suffering from depression and taking fluoxetine 40mg daily for around 5 years. For a while I got better, but recently I’ve just had overwhelming feelings of isolation.
I’ve lost all confidence in myself. Sometimes it feels as if it’s social anxiety but I have no diagnosis for this, that’s just the only way I can describe how I feel. I don’t like the sound of my voice, I’m constantly overthinking that my conversation topics are boring or inappropriate and I’m just not interesting enough hence the feelings of inadequacy.
I talk to people about how I feel sometimes and they say, “Just be yourself!” But how can I ‘be myself’ when I don’t even know who I am? I’m waiting for the right people to come into my life who are going to help me establish that and be the best person I can be. Until then, it’ll be a struggle, will I ever even meet these people?
I can be surrounded by people who are suppose to be my friends, yet feel no connection to those people or feel like a valuable part of their lives. As if I don’t matter and I’m merely a commodity. Maybe they feel sorry for me and that’s why they bother with me, I’m not sure.
The saddest part is I don’t feel like I have any really good friends, I used to but we outgrew each other. It’s difficult being 18 watching everyone going out to party and have a great time, yet here I am on a Saturday night alone and feeling sorry for myself.
Im terrified for my future and being alone, I just want to make meaningful connections with other people and build solid and wholesome relationships, I don’t think I’m asking for much.
If you read this, thank you so much.