Wiorthless and inadequate- how can I build my confidence and self esteem back?

[amy405]

Hi everyone, I’m completely new to this and never tried anything like it before. It seems like a great outlet to talk about personal problems with other people in the hopes maybe someone will listen.

I’m 18 years old and have been suffering from depression and taking fluoxetine 40mg daily for around 5 years. For a while I got better, but recently I’ve just had overwhelming feelings of isolation.

I’ve lost all confidence in myself. Sometimes it feels as if it’s social anxiety but I have no diagnosis for this, that’s just the only way I can describe how I feel. I don’t like the sound of my voice, I’m constantly overthinking that my conversation topics are boring or inappropriate and I’m just not interesting enough hence the feelings of inadequacy.

I talk to people about how I feel sometimes and they say, “Just be yourself!” But how can I ‘be myself’ when I don’t even know who I am? I’m waiting for the right people to come into my life who are going to help me establish that and be the best person I can be. Until then, it’ll be a struggle, will I ever even meet these people?

I can be surrounded by people who are suppose to be my friends, yet feel no connection to those people or feel like a valuable part of their lives. As if I don’t matter and I’m merely a commodity. Maybe they feel sorry for me and that’s why they bother with me, I’m not sure.

The saddest part is I don’t feel like I have any really good friends, I used to but we outgrew each other. It’s difficult being 18 watching everyone going out to party and have a great time, yet here I am on a Saturday night alone and feeling sorry for myself.

Im terrified for my future and being alone, I just want to make meaningful connections with other people and build solid and wholesome relationships, I don’t think I’m asking for much.

If you read this, thank you so much.

[priyanw]

Hey Amy, well done for reaching out. I feel a lot of the same anxieties myself. Honestly some days i feel like a total waste of space. I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Do you have family that you can talk to about what you're going through? I found a lot of support from my parents, and by nature, they help point out the best things about you.

Personally, what I notice about myself, is that I talk to myself in a way i wouldn't talk to another human - I beat myself up over everything. Is that something you find yourself doing? It's really really hard to switch that off, but if you can catch yourself, and work on giving yourself credit for the things that go well or that you like about yourself, then sometimes that can be a good start. Sometimes (when i can manage it) I try and set myself small manageable goals, and that can be as simple as going grocery shopping.

You can feel disconnected from people when you're in a bad place - and friends come and go. Recently i tried reaching out to some people i'd drifted away from, is that something you could try?

You're not alone. Sending you good vibes x

[amy405 in reply to priyanw]

I can’t thank you enough for reading what I had to say and reaching out to me.

I live with my mum and brother, my brother has ADHD and Asperger’s which makes home life quite stressful. My mum is under a lot of pressure to look after him and sometimes I just don’t want to burden her, I put on a smile for her most of the time. She worries a lot.

I’ve really been trying with the small goals, they help me feel better and like I’ve accomplished something.

You’ve made me realise that I am very hard on myself and beat myself up over the smallest of things. I really just need to work on channelling all that energy into the positive things about myself and build on them.

[priyanw in reply to amy405]

Well, it's okay to feel down - my mum and I talk together about what stresses us. Rather than burdening each other, it's a way for us to connect and support one another. I don't really know your situation, so this may not be applicable, but know, this resource is really helpful when you need someone to reach out to

It's hard not to beat yourself up, especially when you're so used to doing it. But just start small, and do it in whatever way works for you, takes some doing, but I'm right there working at it with you. Trust me, my friends are constantly telling me to talk nicer to myself. Let's start with this: You clearly put other people first, you support your mum. That's kind and selfless. 2 very big plusses by anyone's standards. x

[amy405 in reply to priyanw]

Yeah that is right, a lot of the time I definitely put people before myself but I think it could also be a problem for me. Sometimes I can be selfless, maybe I do it to feel good about myself but I need to remember not to set myself on fire to keep others warm.

I think I’ll definitely start talking to my mum more, I really hope she takes it ok and doesn’t worry too much.

X

[priyanw in reply to amy405]

That's a perfect way of putting it - good luck x

[Dubba61]

Hi Amy, I'm New on here too. Only started a couple of Days ago. But people are nice and will certainly understand how you feel, as i do. You are so young to feel this way and i feel sad for you. My Son has Anxiety and he is just a little older. I,m sure your friends really like you for who you are some times you just outgrow each other. I too suffer from anxiety and over thinking. I have chronic Asthma so i no my voice sounds odd to people. And so it makes me feel shy and awkward. I am a little isolated too where i live and have decided to move to a bigger Town. As i think you can " loose" yourself among so Many people. Do you like to read? I do and can forget myself in a good book. A long walk can help too i find. As im probably too tired to think to much afterwards😊 i,ve been on those same Tablets as you but have been on similar ones for around 5 years now. They do seem to help. You can send me a message on hear anytime and about anything. I will not judge you and will try to help. I usually look in about once each Day. Kind regards. Dee

[amy405 in reply to Dubba61]

This means so much to me and I can’t thank you enough.

I’m sorry to hear about you’re asthma, I have a dust mite allergy so sometimes my voice sounds a little funny do when it flares up.

I’ve been really wanting to get into reading recently as it’s definitely something I don’t do enough.

I know I’m so young and still so much growing to do mentally, in that way I hope I outgrow a lot of these feelings.

Fluoexetine has definitely helped me although for a while I stopped taking them and I think that’s what’s triggered this relapse. I’m back on them everyday now in the hopes that it will get me better again.

[dark-laur]

I identify so much with what you wrote, that for a minute I thought you were talking about me.

I also have depression and social anxiety, most of the time I spend dreaming about the day that I will find a understanding person, who really likes me, and accepts my defects even though I have so much difficulty accepting them.

I'm lonely and I only have one great friend that I can be more open about what I feel/think, but still several moments I think I'm inconvenient for her.

You're not alone, if you need to say something, I'm here for you

[amy405 in reply to dark-laur]

Thank you so so much.

It can feel so lonely and isolating at times, I can’t help but obsess over it. I wish I could just chill out around people and enjoy myself I wish you all the best in your recovery

[dark-laur in reply to amy405]

In a room full of people we may feel even more lonely.

Thank you and I hope you feel better soon.

If you need to talk to someone, I promise you're not alone

[Dubba61]

You do right to stay on them, a least for now. Who knows what the future holds. One day they could be just a distant memory😊 I admit im a bit of a "Throney" read all the game if Thrones Books. They're quite violent but somehow gripping. Lord of Rings too. Honestly don't no where i,d be without my Books. I love anything that I know isn't real! Nothing that's too close to reality. I had and relapse one time and for a time i really couldn't concentrate. But little by little i started to read Magazine s then short books then doing a few quizes and Cross words. Everything is a slow progress. But you will start to feel better. And it,ll soon be Spring! After the Winter we,be had i am so looking forward it. 🥀🌷🌸

.

[amy405 in reply to Dubba61]

That’s true ! I think a turn in the weather will really cheer me up. The sun out and a bright clear sky never fails to put a smile on my face.

[dark-laur]

I just read that your brother has ADHD and Asperger's, one more thing I understand. My brother also has ADHD, he is on the border between autism and non-autism and he's gifted. My mother gets so caught up in his problems that she doesn't give attention to mine, she thinks that because I'm moving on with my life, I'm fine, but I have so many difficulties daily.

[amy405 in reply to dark-laur]

That’s how my mum is too. I just don’t like to pressure her, my brother is very difficult to handle and fights with her almost every day. It’s so draining. It’s also upsetting to live in a household that’s never at peace, always madness. We’re just kind of expected to look after ourselves and have to put on a brave face unfortunately

[Dubba61]

Ahh thats sad. Im a Mum too and its hard sometimes, trying to do the best for all of your children. it seems that the "loudest" child gets the most attention doesnt it?. My Boy has Deslexsia and had a really hard time at School. i think i am guilty of leaving my Daughter out, at that time. but, those Teenage years are past us now. and soon will be for you. I think you are strong, really, to put such a Brave face on things. Arguments are horrible, I hate them too. My old Mum used to say "nothing lasts for ever"and i no it doesnt seem like it. but, one day you,ll live Peacefully. Do you have your own room, to go to? sometimes its best to just stay out of the way.

[amanda_alcazar]

Hi Amy,

you wrote this a couple of months ago, so I hope my answer doesn't come late.

Here's something I learned with the years and through many moments of pain and isolation similar to what you describe: no body will ever, EVER, accept you if you don't first accept and love and forgive yourself. It might sound like a cliché, but that's the truth. Saviors only exist in movies.

I know it's easier said than done, and it takes a lot of work to accept oneself but it's worth it. Also you can't build any healthy relationship on the expectation that somebody will come and rescue you from yourself. You will find people that will love you, that will support you, that's out of question.

Last good news: teenage is certainly shitty, but it pasts!!

Good luck

[SoberDrunk1]

The mind could be one of the worst critics, here is from Power of Now:

It is not uncommon for the voice to be a person's own worst enemy. Many people live with a tormentor in their head that continuously attacks and punishes them and drains them of vital energy. It is the cause of untold misery and unhappiness, as well as of disease.

The good news is that you can free yourself from your mind. This is the only true liberation. You can take the first step right now. Start listening to the voice in your head as often as you can. Pay particular attention to any repetitive thought patterns, those old gramophone records that have been playing in your head perhaps for many years. This is what I mean by "watching the thinker," which is another way of saying: listen to the voice in your head, be there as the witnessing presence.

[Hidden]

Hi amy.