I need a break but nothing brings the relief that I need. I get feeling guilty writing here but why because if it helps I should.
I am constantly trying to escape the way I feel. I want it to be over. Im so so tired. I am tired of feeling like there is something wrong with me and that people see me in a bad light, and that I’m not smart, not capable, not a beautiful soul...I’m tired of the voices and trying so hard to be okay when I am never okay it’s ridiculous...
I’m tired of myself. I’m scared very scared... So what or how can I change it? In a way want to believe I am the way I’m supposed to be that somehow I am actually okay but how can this be it, I am not okay, little confidense, so destroyed. I’m in a very dark place. I am reaching out but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea or not but i have to let it out somewhere. There are so many little defeats I’ve gone through lately and I feel like I can’t win, can’t get better. And then there are the bigger things that I cannot even start to think I can accomplish...Right now I really don’t want to live at all and such guilt fills me for it but I can’t help how I feel.
I am sure this post sounds like other podts I’ve written and I was starting to move forward I don’t know what happened I’m back down again.