Depressed again

[Broken_girl123]

I've been feeling okay the past few days. Got some studying done. But I can't stop thinking about him. I'm in love with my guy best friend but he doesn't reciprocate. I am studying and he's in the back of my mind. Anything I do, he's in the back of my mind making me unable to concentrate. We don't even talk much as we used to. So he shouldn't be on my mind, yet he is. I keep worrying if I love him this way I won't ever love anyone else again. I won't be happy and I'll mess up things. And then I fall into a circle of hopelessness and despair trying desperately to repress my feelings and focus on meaningful things. But I just am so unable to focus and get my thoughts together idk what to do or who to ask for help anymore...

[Hidden]

Does he know that your love is more than platonic? If so, has he shared why he doesn’t feel the same?

[Broken_girl123 in reply to Hidden]

He knows. He just says I'm not what he needs in life. That he needs someone stable and I'm too depressed and anxious for him. And that I'm fat and not pretty enough for him. Amongst alot of other things.

[Hidden in reply to Broken_girl123]

Oh that doesn’t sound very nice of him to say those things.

I wouldn’t want him in my life

I’m sorry he has been so hurtful to you 🌺🌼

[Broken_girl123 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah I used to complain a lot and tell him of how I used to be paranoid. And he blamed me for scaring him and making him paranoid. He hurt me alot of times by his words and I used to think it was just him being angry he didn't mean it because an hour later I'd get an apology and he'd say I was just in a very horrible mood. He said I was childish because I was always jumping around excited and he wanted a mature human. I literally did everything for him. Changed myself. Adopted his interests. He said he liked long hair so I grew my hair. He called me fat so I lost weight. But then I couldn't. I did everything I could. But I was never enough. Never funny enough. Never smart enough. Never mature enough. I was always crazy and depressed and some one who he considered as just a friend. He sometimes even said I was a burden on him and he wanted to get rid of me. But then said lol I was jk. I love him for the cute sweet bits he displays. Idk what kind of a person he suddenly becomes when he goes like this. But he's such a nice sweet person deep inside.

[Hidden]

Hi Broken_girl123,

I know this is not what you want to hear, but please don't change yourself in order to please someone else. You need someone who accepts you for who you are. You will find that special person. I know it's hard (I've been there) but you have to move on mind and body. You do have the power to do that. Reach down deep and you will find it. Believe in yourself...you can find the courage to move on.

This may be an attachment issue that you need to workout with a therapist.

Blessings!

[Hidden]

The best thing you can do for both of you is to give him space and focus on who you are in this moment.