Why am I here? I'm tired of being scared!

[mammaava]

Hello! I came across this site after looking AGAIN for ideas on my crippling phobias. I've got a history of anxiety/depression but I haven't been medicated for a few years now, and I'm a happy person, I still get the "dark clouds" but life is good. It would be wonderful to see some of the places that I've always wanted to but I'm not able to because I'm (in no specific order):

Claustraphobic (I once kicked a door and it's frame when I was an 18 year old girl in college and the bathroom door jammed with me inside!)

Scared of heights - I can't even... sometimes I have near fainting weakness thinking of being up high

Loud noises (I have an irrational phobia of balloons, just seeing them makes me jumpy and I have to cover my ears, I cannot go to restaurants where there are balloons for kids because I can't relax and I'm NO fun)

but the worst because it denies me, my family and my career is the fear of flying I have as an adult. I can't tell when it started, since there was a time when I was able to fly without being scared and without having to pound a shot at the airport bar.

That doesn't really work well when the flight is delayed on the tarmac.

I'm scared of take off, I'm on edge if there is any noise, bump or sway at ALL during the flight, I'm scared of landing, I have racing thoughts of slamming my head on the side of the cabin IF something scary goes awry or we lose altitude at all, I am unable to take medication as I've tried and as soon as the plane starts moving, it's as if I have super resilience and I feel no numbing at all. I am not exaggerating that I've taken 15 Benadryl preflight, and as soon as I felt a slight dip or yaw, I was awake, terrified and because of the realization that all that medicine did NOTHING when I needed it most, it made me feel like I was going to have a stroke.

So. There you have it. I'm scared, now I want to get over it and enjoy my health, I'm so blessed but this stupid cycle of fears is robbing me and my loved-ones of adventure and life.

[b1b1b1]

Don't take benadryl; ask your doctor for tranquilizers. They work; benadryl is not a tranquilizer and taking 15 of them at once could be dangerous.

[mammaava in reply to b1b1b1]

Thank you! Well, it's funny (or perhaps not) a few years ago, I had at one time prescriptions for Xanax, Zoloft and Ambien. As a performing musician, I deal with being on stage now pretty darn well, but I have lost out on tours and shows because the thought of flying stops me and I can't be drugged out if I have to travel alone. I've gotten myself drunk to fly, but as soon as the turbulence starts or any rocking, it's as if the fear itself flushes whatever drug/alcohol is in my bloodstream, so I don't think I can go that route. I'm screwed

[gogogirl]

Lots of people do not fly. With all the reports on the news that probably does not help.

[mammaava in reply to gogogirl]

Right! The sad thing is, I recall a time when I could fly, and I don't know when exactly I became crippled with these fears. I don't know, maybe it was 9/11 or maybe it was the flights around the time when my Mom got sick and died that caused an association with panic. Not sure, maybe it is the news...

[gogogirl in reply to mammaava]

If you really want to fly- perhaps you could talk to a professional about that.

[Bigeasywater]

I fully understand how you feel. That’s how I feel about flying over oceans. My therapist said to plan a trip, one near land first and make myself step into the water but how do you do that without panicking? I too, want to spend my second 50 years on this earth enjoying the whole world

[gogogirl in reply to Bigeasywater]

If you want to travel- have you considered taking boat trip or even going by car or train?

[mammaava in reply to gogogirl]

Train and car are fine for me, boat is not so appealing as another fear creeps in: giant waves! Anyway, one fear at a time, my specific desire to get a handle on flight is that there are places here in the continental US that I want to be able to go to and see, and sometimes you can't take the days extra to drive. It would be nice to also take opportunities as a musician to fly to places like L.A., and New York to make appearances and driving from Northern California where I'm at to New York would take too long via car and cost too much via train.

[SA192461 in reply to mammaava]

I have the same fear of flying..taking a Xanax does help for me. I’m from Northern CA😊

[gogogirl in reply to mammaava]

I hope you can continue to talk through your fears. I was in a car accident some years back, but I decided that I wanted to continue to drive. At any rate I wish you the best. What type of musician are you?

[Florida1959]

My brother takes Benadryl when he flies. But only one, think 15 is a bit too many, one tablet off your go to relax you may work, have you tried hypnosis, or an alternate therapy to change your core belief pattern? If you found out why it came back, I am sure it would help, my family are all over world, not to see them would really hurt, good luck x

[Imakook]

I will be starting weekly sessions of biofeedback next week. It' sseems been a long-time coming. So work

[gogogirl in reply to Imakook]

Can you tell me a little more about biofeedback?

[Agora1 in reply to Imakook]

Hi Imakook, I wish you well with your Biofeedback. It was one of the best tools that I learned and continues to help me to this day. Let us know how you like it. xx