Why am I here

[Cat_cat44]

Hi I haven't been in here in years and I went by another name. I just want to start fresh. At this moment I really don't know why God made me. I've been doomed since birth. I'm now 38. I really want to die but I can't because I have a 9 y/o daughter and she would be so heartbroken if I took my own life. And I know what that feels like bc I lost my mom when I was 22. When I say EVERYTHING in my life has fell apart, it's has been crumbling since birth.

[Hidden]

Hello

I understand how you feel. I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts since I was a child. I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time.

When I feel this way I do my best to distract myself. Whether it’s games, music, my dog, my fiancé, my family, anything. I try to keep my mind off of it and remind myself that I am strong and of all the things I’ve overcome.

I hope things get easier for you. Feel free to message me.

[Cat_cat44 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for responding, I have these thoughts and I'm on meds. Well I just switched one and it's only been 2wks so I gotta give it some time. Yes I definitely want to get to a point where I'm totally off mess but I'm not there yet. Anyways, yea it's so easy to just do those things to take my mind off but I gotta clear my mind just to get there. I just had another bad distraction, which was a break up. That also had contributed to my thoughts. But honestly I'm GLAD it happened. I'm thankful I have to best girlfriends that are telling me I'm beautiful and intelligent and he don't deserve me. I don't feel that yet but as the days go by I decided im gonna start loving me again.

[Hidden in reply to Cat_cat44]

Meds always made my thoughts worse. I wish they helped me.

Glad you’re no longer in a bad relationship! It is not easy to break free of that type of thing. You are beautiful and intelligent! I hope you find someone who is worth your while when you’re ready.

I’m glad to hear you’re on the path to loving yourself again. I’m always here if you need me.

[Cat_cat44 in reply to Hidden]

yes I know most of the times they do but i remember how I felt without them and that wasn't great either. Thank you!! i hope one day I meet a great man too. Im seperated, and been in 2 relationships since. Some would say I'm 0 for 3 lol but seriously, everyone wants someone.

[Hidden]

You don't want to die..easy said than done cause it's comforting for you..and yeah your daughter will be scarred for the rest of her life ...so you have half a brain why can't you find something else to do...nothing good in life comes easy..if your life is falling apart what will it take to put it back together? Don't be so hard on yourself..grow up..wake up..it's at times when we are so low we realise something's wrong in our lives..it what we do to get back up that counts..and that's where you are ..you want better things in life..What will make it better for you..what is it you want, how do you want it to be?..Start slowly..One thing at a time..step by step..but you got to keep moving forward..do anything..anything!..cuddle your daughter, talk with your daughter, be stupid together, laugh, cry, fall asleep together..enjoy your own company,..come on here and help others aswell in similar situations...pray..tell your problems in prayer..forgive yourself..Just talk it out..ask for things you want, asking for the bad things to go away..you don't have to be religious..you can have anything if you believe in yourself...be strong..and just keep moving..

[Celtic27]

Hi where its normal im glad youve taken the time to open up and ask for advice thats half the solution ! Regarding feeling suicidal please concentrate on your daughter she is your main reason for living ! Regards losing your mum it is a event in your life that is difficult to get over i lost my mum two years ago and i find it difficult and that a void is were she was but as time goes by i find myself talking to her which helps it might not work for everyone but its worth trying your mums always with you ! Take care and i hope things get better for you soon david x

[Cat_cat44 in reply to Celtic27]

Thanks for replying Celtic27,yes I nneded to let all these thoughts out and am glad I found this site to talk to ppl who may be feeling the same way I do. I would never kill myself I don't have the heart to do that. Isn't that terrible, you can't even leave, you gotta face this crap. My daughter is sweet but very difficult to handle at times because of how I am, she has focusing issues, and I'm her main parent because her Dad don't do enough with her as it is. thats a long story by itself. I'm sorry you lost your Mom, its the most traumatic thing I think a person can go through. I lost mines 15 years ago. I can't say its gotten easier all i can say is 15years end that I don't have emotional breakdowns as frequent as the earlier years. Yup I still talk out loud to her.

[Celtic27]

Hi were is normal thank you for replying to my post its good to see who cares ! You speak a lot of sense ,you sound like a good mum who would be missed so im glad you wont try suicide your maternal instinct would kick in and stop you doing something that would cause heartache to those you would leave behind !your daughter is a difficult age they grow up so quick do you talk to here about your depression you hever know she will understand more thatn you think ! I truelly understand how you feel about your mothers passing i lost my mum 2 years ago whilst its still raw i try to remember all the good things we did and i believe that im mothers with me and in my heart for ever ! I wish you well if you need to talk you drop me a message and i will get back to you as soon as i can david !