My family have always treated me less then human and deprived me of a normal life and education since I was a kid. I wasn't placed in school not even home schooled. My brother hits me and talks down to me I'm scared to ever oppose what they say because they get violent. They hold calling the authorities over my head incase I want to disagree or not complete one of their many requests, or fight back when they call me another degrading name. They gaslight me relentlessly and I have to always be wrong by the end of the conversation or their mad. My sister gets frustrated all the time over nothing, there's a friend of a sibling that lives with us and he's always making pot shots at me. It's so degrading hearing this stranger have a right to dictate my life too. The police believe them that I'm a evil vindictive person that makes trouble for them so I deserve what I get. I get mad when belittled naturally, not even often though, I keep it to myself. Is there anyway I can get the power out of my evil families hands? Please and thank you.
Why am I wrong?: My family have always... - Anxiety and Depre...
Why am I wrong?
honestly, for me? the only solution was to cut my family out of my life- completely and fully
now, decades later- we are all different and theres a tiny relationship there
this is such a tough, impossible situation
and i pray for you all.
Your saying there's an excuse for this life long abuse? I'm unable to support myself independently.
I don't think 'leaningonjesus' is saying 'there's an excuse for this life long abuse.' There is no excuse for abuse from anyone. He/she is just responding to your question and telling you how he/she coped. You say you are unable to support yourself, have you looked into the financial help you may be entitled to should you choose to sever this toxic family relationship and move out of their control? I am from UK and know there is help available here for UK residents in similar circumstances, I feel certain the same can be said in USA. But it is YOU who must seek the help you are entitled to. The more you put up with this abuse, the more you are condoning it. Please allow 'leaningonjesus', me, and other like minded Christians to cover you in prayer, and seek the help you so desperately need. Before you look, No it won't be easy, but the pain will be worth the freedom.
"Putting up with abuse", as you call it is not in any way condoning it. Blaming the victim seems to be what you're condoning.
There are things going on behind the posts we read that are beyond us.
We are here to offer support if we can.
That is not what I am saying at all, I think you have totally misunderstood my words, which are intended to be positive and helpful. For more than 40 years I have worked with people who are abused dreadfully, but when push comes to shove those same people will not seek help, they will not complain to authorities - even when the authority knows what is happening some victims will refuse to admit, even to themselves what is happening to them. In this way they allow the abuse to continue, that is condoning it! I am certainly not blaming the victim, but the only person who can bring about change is - in many instances - and I am certainly not saying this is the case here - the victim, who must seek the help that is available. Like the old saying goes, You can lead a horse to water, but cannot force it to drink. The longer the abuse is continued the harder the circle is to break.
I am one.
I have reached out to authorities. Repeatedly. I have been abused by them.
That's so difficult to deal with. I apologize. I wonder if people like us in this situation can make a group and stop this treatment.
Hi Fakelove! I'm sorry (too), but I don't know what you're apologizing about.
If you're interested in mutual support, here I am.
Please - STOP. There is a reason why they don't seek help. Are you aware of Stockholm Syndrome? If not, may I respectfully suggest you do some research into it. 'Working with' people who are in or have fled an abusive situation does not make anyone a first hand expert on what those trapped in these horrendous situations have to endure.
Tranquilwaters. You have asked me to STOP - STOP what? Fakelove put a post on here looking for support and in what I believe to be hope for some sort of release from the dreadful situation she finds herself in. I have responded according to my own personal experience, and according to my work experience and according to my faith. I have spoken only that which is true. In answer to your question Yes I am fully aware of the Stockholm Syndrome! In fact I have participated in a course study, looking into the effects of Patty Hearst, many years ago. This was in the days following the finding of the kidnap victim Patricia Hearst, who was probably one of the most famous of ransom victims. I recall with clarity the days after Patricia was taken, and the long battle to find her. According to the FBI the Stockholm Syndrome affects only 8% of victims of kidnap. Making it a very rare condition. You seem to be indicating that all people who are abused are suffering from this syndrome, this is not so. Some will be, and there is help available for them should they wish to pursue it. The vast majority of folk worldwide will probably have only little knowledge. Now may I respectfully suggest you think carefully about bandying information such as SS onto a forum such as H U: which I find to be irresponsible where many people are vulnerable to auto-suggestion. Nowhere in Fakelove's post did she indicate an awareness to SS. The fact that so many people have access to HU either on the site itself or through GOOGLE, YAHOO and other areas on social media sites. I make it quite plain also, I do NOT claim to be an expert, but I do stand by what has happened to me personally and what I have experienced in my working career.
I, like you, am also in the UK. I don't know where your 'personal experience through your work and faith' come from but I really do think that you are taking far too much of a dictatorial tone with your replies, and also failing to appreciated that curcumstances and support systems are very different in the US. These are my final words to you on this matter - please do not reply as I find your tone particularly hectoring and upsetting.
I apologize for my rude response to leaning on Jesus. I'm temperamental at times because I get accused of making this treatment up. I made this post when I was a bit frustrated. Thanks for your insight and I am grateful for the prayers more then you know. Be blessed.
Your family sound narcissistic and I really feel for you and I pray that you will find a way out and seek a better life for yourself one that you really deserve peace of mind is worth everything and I hope you get it . Get a job if you can so your not dependent on them . There probably very polite to strangers it's so you won't be believed and so the authorities will think your the problem but we know thats lnnot that's a lie. I've experienced this myself with my mother so I do understand and I know how he'll it is. Seek help from the right people and do some research on narcissistic abuse and you will have power in knowledge and realise your a strong person it is them who are weak.
Hi Fakelove, We are all temperamental at times, we are human. There is no need to apologise. You have had a lot to contend with and it is easy to see how you get frustrated, other people, no matter who they are have no right whatsoever to judge you. Answering your post to me approx 17 hours ago, I am pleased you have made attempts to contact Domestic Abuse Hotlines, but thus far unable to find shelters, just a thought that may be of help, if you let me know as near as you feel comfortable to say - where you are in USA (i.e. Town/State) I can make enquiries from this end, as I have quite a few contacts. If you decide this is right for you, please go via Chat, to keep confidentiality. I shall continue to pray asking especially at this time for peace of mind. Every blessing.
Same here. Hubby has been completely estranged for 6 yrs. He's 52 and it was the best decision of his life. His borderline personality disorder/narcissistic/gaslighting mother, 3x felon brother and pedophile, and unsupportive father deserve each other. He's finally out from under their emotionally abusive grasp but is still dealing with the abuse and damage they've done to him.
Family often times gets free passes to abuse us relentlessly only because they are family. And we let them cuz we desperately want to be accepted by the ones that are supposed to protect and defend us. It's tragic and heartbreaking. But we've been married for almost 23 years and it's just us 2 against the world. My family is quite disfunctional in other ways, and I'm ok with the distance between us. I have a decent relationship with my dad, we talk once or twice a week. my mom is dead since 1994, step mom is the devil incarnate and my sis has a family of her own. It is what it is and I'd rather form my own "family " or pack to rely on in life. It's not easy, but it was necessary to cut them out to salvage our own sanity.
I hope you get out, too. Life is too short to be manipulated by horrible people. Find your own tribe and you'll be set free.
Thank you. That's good advice. Because of the lack of schooling I've always been isolated and don't have any marketable skills. I've tried being homeless before.
It is never too late for an education! At 33 years of age, you are still young enough to achieve what was denied you as a child. Please find yourself an independent someone to talk through your distress, someone who will help you find your true self. I feel inside you is a beautiful but tortured soul trying to escape. A good start is to turn to Christ and come to a point of loving yourself, just as Jesus loves you. All things are then possible. I know this, I have been where you are on life's journey. Don't waste any more time!
💕💕💕
I don't know where you live, but in the U.S. it's illegal for parents to not send their kids to school. Also, if you cannot work or care for yourself because you are mentally or physically disabled, you would qualify for social security.
Being from U K I assumed it would be the same in USA and that it would be illegal for parents to not send their children to school, sadly some people do slip through the net. I am equally sure it is not too late for Fakelove to get the help she needs, and her family the punishment for neglect that they deserve. I'm not a lover of revenge in any way, shape or form, but I do believe in justice.
I get ssdi for mental illness, your right. I don't make enough for most apartments I'm looking into a hud choice voucher. I haven't given up and agree there are options. My lack of credit and references seems to be a blockade as well. They didn't put me or my two full biological siblings in school. They never gave much of a reason why but blamed myself and those two siblings for our shortcomings stating that's why sometimes. I live in the USA and I said it was illegal too my parents when I was a kid and they denied it was true. Thanks for responding, I'm trying to learn how to drive this year, I just know I can work this out.
It sounds like your on the right track. Have you considered contacting the department of aging and disability in your area? A social worker might be able to help. And don't sell yourself short. Education or not, your clearly intelligent. Sending you love and positive energy. ❤️
I am sorry that you have to face this. The one thing that I learned in my therapy is that you have to believe in yourself and love yourself. When you can safely set a boundary, do it. Journal about the things you are grateful for. There are usually community resources besides the police.
Keeping a daily journal is an excellent way forward, not only is it evidence of wrongdoing, but it is proof to the abused that such things have indeed happened to them. I am thinking about Harry's truth, which is indeed not the true truth, because of the inconsistencies - a daily journal will be very helpful. Boundaries also are vital to mental wellbeing. Thank you for sharing.
I'm sorry to hear of your troubles Do you live with these people? Have you ever thought of moving? Maybe another state? They will still be there but not in your space.
Just at the top of my head as I read this my question is, Why do you not leave home? You are a grown woman, there are organisations (other than the police in the USA) who will help you rehabilitate in a safe environment. I will dwell on and pray about this then respond appropriately later in the day.
I've contacted the domestic abuse hotline and I've reached out to mental health advocates they always tell me they can't help me. The abuse hotline says they only handle romantic partner abuse not family abuse. I've heard of family abuse shelters but I can't find them. But, I'm going to keep looking! Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it so much.
I went through the same thing bro. Tough it out, get out of there as soon as you are able and don’t look back. People like that are toxic and will do what they can to hurt you physically or mentally the longer they can dictate your life. Suck it up or anonymously call CPS
Do you live with them? It sounds. Ike you need a much better support system. It sounds like your biologic family is keeping you sick. Do you have a good therapist?
Keep a low profile and plan your escape. You know you're right and that matters more than what they think of you. That's their problem. You just switch off the part of you that listens to their gaslighting and avoid getting into a "discussion". That's my best advice for now as someone who receives this kind of abuse from her narcissistic partner. Best to "lie low and say nought".
In today's world, you might have to capyure some behaviors on audio or video. Talk to the police or a social worker about what to do to move forward.
lifting you in prayers. Idk where you live or if you have access to abused women shelter. Usually they’re supportive and set up to assist women. Domestic abuse doesnt just come from the hands of a spouse. Could be from any relative. So I think it could be an option and usually have more services. If you can get out of the environment that way and with support, you can then pursue therapy for healing and empowerment. Believe in yourself and know you are worthy despite what you have been told or endured. Hugs and keeping you in prayer.
Thank you so much, this is the most support I've received from anywhere. I'm so use to being told I'm lying. I'm too grateful. I'm feel a new sense of motivation and hope. Truly, thank you again.
You're brave and you're worthy and I believe you.💜
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