Hate Life! Hate Me!

[Bluesunshine]

I don't have anyone to talk to. I don't have any friends. My family is impossible to talk to, and I really just hate myself at this point. I don't know what else to do, nor where to turn to at this point. I can't even be strong anymore because my body, nor mind has it in me anymore. I want to give up and just die now! It seems as if something stopping me, but at the same time nothing is stopping me. Medicine doesn't work, talking to someone doesn't work, getting out trying to have fun doesn't work, seems as if nothing seems to work. I just want to die now! I hate everything about my life because I can't stop being depressed no matter what I do. Strongly thinking about giving up today. I guess these posts are the only way I can express myself. I'm a failure in life because even when I'm doing good I'm still a failure in my messed up mind. I don't know why I'm this way. I wish I could shut the thoughts out, but I can't they are me. I am depression itself.

[3rd-wish]

Bluesunshine, I wish I can make things better for you and everyone else on here. I may not be able to understand what you're living through because my situation is different. I found myself wanting to get better so I tried different hobbies and picked up running. It is no cure, but it's been helping me feel less incompetent and useless. I don't run fast and I am not fit, but running somehow motivates me to go on with my day. I would like to help you in some way.

[Bluesunshine in reply to 3rd-wish]

I appreciate the advice. I like to write; it makes me feel better. I should try writing more it could really help. I also like long walks when I'm upset, but I tend to take risky walks which I try to avoid due to the way I feel. Maybe walking during the day instead of night can really help like running. Thank You.

[Joimom16]

Hiya, I hope you are feeling better! I just wrote a huge reply, but for some reason it didn't go through....what I was saying was, please don't give up, as long as we keep telling ourselves that we are ready to give up, the more our brain start to process that we are allowing negative thoughts to take over and totally ruin our day! Lets think positive and take it one day at a time! I'm here if you need to talk! *hugs*

[Bluesunshine in reply to Joimom16]

I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. I totally agree that is so true. I have to stay strong and keep positive vibes.

[greenangel]

I'm so sorry. I'm new here. I am trying to find somewhere to turn to and found this site. all I can say is, for me, it was sad to see your post because thats how I feel and I had no idea other people went thru what I go thru. I thought I was going crazy. I still do. I have moments each day like I'm going to explode in a million pieces. I understand so much. I would like to give encouraging words but I can just say you aren't alone. so cliche, but true. I don't know why we get up each morning and try again. I hope it is because we are strong. I do not know how long I can keep getting up though. we really are strong. most people couldn't handle this. I love how some people think its ridiculous until it happens to them and then they understand us. I just wanted to give you another post to let you know how important you are and to fight everyday like you already do and I hope it gets better!

[Bluesunshine in reply to greenangel]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I literally use to think I was the only one when I was younger until I realized it's a world full of us. We are very unique and need to be handled with care. We may not think that people care for us, but it's always someone in this huge world that loves us, or that is waiting to love us. Some people don't understand us because whether we want to believe it or not they actually honestly don't want to understand. Mental health is serious and real, and most people try to avoid this truth by saying we over react, or we will be fine. It's not that simple because it actually is real. Sometimes we just need Love, we need to feel it, hear it, and know it's real. I find myself standing in a room full of people and I still can feel alone. Maybe that's because my mind wants the rest of my body to feel alone. That's where we have to be strong and over come these feelings; easier said than done right... Remember like you said "You aren't alone" you aren't at all. I'm always here if you need to talk because I know how it feels to feel like you don't have anyone. We get up and fight because we have a purpose here on this earth, and WE WILL SEE THAT PURPOSE! WE WILL FIGHT! WE WILL LOVE US! Even if no one else seem like they do at the moment self love can help so much. I know youbhear this a lot... but everything will be ok. We have over come this before and we will again. I like to look in the mirror and say "Hey pretty girl, you are beautiful, you are ok and going to be ok, you are loved, and you can do it you can keep pushing, now smile and take a deep breath" this really helps. I also wrote everything that I have called up in my mind then burn the paper; this helps so much. Once I burn the paper it's like I watch/ feel the bad things leave. Talking nice safe walks also help me feel sane again. It's ok to be different and it's ok to not be ok sometimes. We are all humans and aren't perfect at all. Don't give up! You have a purpose here and so do it.

[FMsocial]

Just checking up on you to see how you are Doing? Haven't been on here for quite a while and just saw your post. I have similar feelings.

[Bluesunshine in reply to FMsocial]

Thanks for checking on me. I've been doing wonderful. I have been learning to focus on the good in life instead of pulling out all the bad things. I have learned that if you sit around and focus on ever negative thing that's around you will have negative thought and out negative outcome. Compared to if you focus of the positive things, or what positively could be coming your way then you will have positive thoughts and outcomes. Mind over matter💯 Even if it's hard sometimes you have to know that things will always get better even if it feel like it's not. I practice self love whether it's looking in the mirror saying "hey gorgeous you are beautiful you are loved you do matter" or just getting dressed/ doing my hair to make me feel better. I've just been doing so much better, and hope this helps you as well. I'm here if you need to talk.

[Bluesunshine in reply to FMsocial]

Sorry about the typos in my post. I really hope you are doing good. Find something that makes you happy a activity an event or even a pet😊 I like to write it helps me and going out fun places doing things like laser tag or the zoo.

[FMsocial]

I'm glad you're doing so much Better! I am still having trouble liking myself and trying to be perfect and pleasing everyone except myself. Always putting me last. I'ts so hard to be positive when you've spent years in the negative.

[Bluesunshine in reply to FMsocial]

I had the exact same problems, but you know what I had to learn... if you spend your life trying to please others, living for others, caring about others opinion then you will be miserable. No one on this earth is perfect! We can't judge each other because we all have flaws, and everyone is going through/ went through something before. People try so hard to see perfect and belittle others when really the most imperfect people are the happiest while the ones that seem to have it all lack happiness. People will always try to break you down this world is cruel but it's up to you to separate yourself from anything negative and allow all positive things to come. I had to get away from everyone that I thought was suppose to love me, and every since I've got away from them and those situations I've been doing great. I was so scared to be alone but it's ok to be scared, it's ok to try new things, it's ok to not know what to do, or where to go, and it's ok to not be ok. I use to want to die until I realized it's so much more to life than what I'm doing and where I'm at. I'm glad I didn't decide to take my life that day because things will always get better/easier always remember that. It's ok you're not alone and it's so many beautiful spirits out here not just nasty negative ones; way more beautiful ones.

[Bluesunshine in reply to FMsocial]

*seem/see perfect* left out a word

[Searching123]

Personally, I found deciding to live half the battle. I always felt as though when I just wanted to die, I was reckless and ruthless but numb with it. I felt like nothing mattered cos I was opting out anyway. Then something dropped in me, maybe it was simply a subconscious decision to fight; but once that switch had been flicked back on I could then work on the issues. Find your fight, face yourself and solve yourself like you're a mystery. Understanding and hindsight are life savers. Be free of yourself.

[Bluesunshine in reply to Searching123]

I also was reckless and didn't care about life, nor what happened to me. I had to realize that there are people going through way more hard things than I am, and for me to want to take my life and be so down was selfish. I had to stop counting the negative and start appreciating the blessings/positive. I use to try to put all my happiness into people but you can't do that because if they leave than so does your happiness. I started to put that happiness into loving me. It wasn't easy it was a battle that I'm still fighting, and I'm going to come out as a winner! If it's not positive vibes great energy I don't want it. WE ARE POWERFUL WE ARE BEAUTIFUL WE WILL MAKE IT! WE WILL FIGHT! WE WILL STAT STONG! And WE DO MATTER! Our lives are very important and worth living.

[Searching123 in reply to Bluesunshine]

Bloody well said! Couldn't agree more with every word of that. ❤️💥🌟