Is it gonna be always like this?

[Lixus]

I can't understand right now why if I surround myself with very supportive people, friends who I can tell everything and people who listen to me without judging me why can't I stop having this obsessive thoughts? I'm always thinking that I shouldn't be with them, that they don't want me and that they get annoyed for what I say/do even if I know that isn't true I can't stop thinking that I will never ever have a friendship with them, even when they treat me as a friend...

I'm also scared that I can develop some kind of depression because of what happens to me, because one day my psychiatrist told me that people with anxiety can develop it but I don't know to recognize depression so I don't know...

[Hidden]

Hi Lixus,

I've asked myself similar questions recently.

I see myself as a bucket which has a hole in the bottom. It didn't matter how much clear, sparkling water was being poured into me daily. I would soon be empty until I patched that hole. My hole is crappy self-worth. So I do what I can to patch that up. Soon, I think I'll start to retain all the good things coming from my loved ones.

I'm not saying you have the same issue, but you get the idea.

[Lixus in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for answering,

I feel related to what you said, is like I receive good things from others, when they talk to me, when they listen to me but sometimes those feelings dissappear because of the hole that anxiety created in me some years ago... I don't know how to fix it and it kind of scare me because we have to live looking at the present, living the good moments but what happen to the past and future? How can we look at them without having anxiety? How can I remember the good moments I lived in the past without feeling guilty of what I didn't do or for what I said/did or without "feeling sad/bad" because I have lost some people?

[Hidden in reply to Lixus]

I think a little anxiety is probably normal (for everyone) I kind of look at dealing with anxious feelings like listening to music with alot of static. I hear it, my ears are full of it, but I hear the music too.

I hear both anxious thoughts but there is a current of calmer thinking as well going on.

Right now, I'm slowly increasing (desensitizing? ) my tolerance for anxiety by facing things that make me anxious.

[Lixus in reply to Hidden]

That is what my therapist always say to me, he thinks I need to expose myself into anxiety situation so I will "get used" to it and stop running away every time I get anxious

[Hidden in reply to Lixus]

From personal experience, I can say this really does help. Though it isn't so easy.

I'm going through something similar myself and had to face a fear about going to a bar alone on a Saturday night, yesterday. But I did it. My ultimate goal is to play music again publically---however, there are many steps between that and what I did last night.

If you are working on facing those "anxious situations" don't make it impossible for yourself by trying to do the hardest thing first. Work up to it.

[Lixus in reply to Hidden]

Yes, that's exactly what I'm trying to do, I have a lot of anxiety when I have to do social activities like hang out with people and I'm trying to stop avoiding social situations. At the beginning is very hard but I feel happy after I ignore the anxiety and do what makes me anxious.

The problem is that I think this may not be enough for me and despite of how hard I work to be a better person, I will always feel bad/guilty for what I lost because of my anxiety

[Hidden in reply to Lixus]

How we will feel in the future is, and always will be, unknown.

Just keep facing those hurdles daily and tomorrow will take of itself.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I'm sorry- I don't want to be the platitude queen.

[Lixus in reply to Hidden]

No problem, you're helping me with your answers, I really appreciate it 😃

[Hidden in reply to Lixus]

Well, we have something in common for sure! It's nice for me to find someone who relates.

[Lixus in reply to Hidden]

Yeah, it's a bit curious how different cases can hold a certain similarity 😂