Need Help for Teenager with Anxiety/Depression

[FTOP]

Hello, I have a 18 year old daughter who can't finished H/S due to her Anxiety/Depression condition. She stays home, mostly in bed, hardly goes outside, do not see her friends and is refusing to be seen by doctor or therapist. What should I do? Please, advise. Thanks.

[gccmejia]

It should be an awful situation for both. The fact that she couldn't finish High School when her friends did it could be the reason for her distancing of her friends. When I was 18 years old I remember that I thought I was a failure and it was very helpful when my mum talked to me about how she had made many mistakes in her life and even so, she overcame them and I could do the same. She told me that she trusted me and she loved me. No only one time but as many as I needed.

[AntiSocialSocialClub]

For the refusing to see therapist part it's probably because she doesn't want to face the problem doesn't want to believe she has it. I have the same thing and I'm not going to school so believe me I know. I also felt like not going to the therapy but after a while I thought that I was wasting all the precious memories I could have. Time will make her want to go, just support her until then.

[Angie666]

Maybe look in to home school online where she can go at here own pace and let her know you are there for her Maybe a mom daughter day and let her know she is not alone

[Garben]

I barely graduated high school as well. I would love to talk to her if she’s willing to come on this discussion board. I will give a little positive story about my life:

I tried to commit suicide in July of 2013 (the summer before my senior year). That year proved to be the hardest year I ever had in school. I skipped so many days to just lay in bed.. my grandma would check in on me when I was in bed. She would just sit at the foot of my bed and put her hand on my feet or legs. Just knowing she was there was exactly what I needed. Eventually I would go with her to walk on the beach or run to the grocery store. Finally, my school told me if I miss one more day I can’t graduate, so I barely finished it out.

I’m now about to graduate with a bachelors degree and I also have two associates degrees (I went to the local junior college so I could stay home).

Your daughter CAN make it through this. Try starting with just sitting at the foot of her bed and having physical contact. Try to coax her into watching a movie with you, out of her bed. It’s not easy, and my mother has told me how helpless she felt so I can imagine what you are feeling. Just know it takes baby steps to overcome something like this. And don’t be discouraged if she starts coming out for a bit and the next day is secluded all day. It’s a healing process. A really hard healing process.

I have a lot of faith in her healing because she’s young and still needs to grow. Feel free to message me so I can be on contact with you and encourage you during this time. I would love to continue to hear about her progress.

God bless.

[WestyCMass]

My son is experiencing this same thing at a lower level. He has always had anxiety and that had kept him out of school in elementary and middle school for days here and there. High school has been a nightmare. It is a large (1500 students in 4 grades) inner city school he wanted to go to and he had a big problem with the transition. That has snowballed out of control and he missed pretty much all of school for the second half of the second quarter. He is on s 504 plan (that means by law the school has to “modify” things for him; none of that done so far) for anxiety but I hope to get him put on an IEP (individual education plan). On an IEP he could end having an accommodation of having a shorter school day or year (I have a friend who is an adjustment counselor at a different school so she knows the law). I have been in the school to talk to his adjustment counselor and guidance counselor as well as the VP he falls under.

I am having my son assessed for neurological psych issues (ADHD, etc) and being tested for learning disabilities. I first took him to his pediatrician who suggested these steps.

It sounds like your daughter is depressed. Maybe she has anxiety? Was she bullied at school? Will she go see her pediatrician? That is where I started way back in elementary school, did it again in middle school and I started there again this year. I talked the vice principals and his adjustment counselors. I truly think no child (and by child I mean through high school) wants to feel so badly, wants to be different from friends, wants to stay in bed and does not go to school (in some form; maybe as someone suggested, online or home schooling is an option). I could not do that because on top of everything else my teenager is going through puberty so he has an attitude (and a good dose of anger) toward me. Maybe you can start with the pediatrician. If you get a diagnosis of depression and/or anxiety or both, you will have leverage with the school to accommodate your child.

I also found it helpful to do a little research (I am a former journalist). Google “school avoidance” or “school refusal” or “school phobia”. I found just knowing it is a real “thing” helped. It is an illness and I think should be treated as such.

I agree with the person who said sitting there and holding her leg etc. can be helpful. My son was horrible to me but I persisted in telling him I loved him (he would tell me loved him multiple times a day as a younger child) and I thought he was capable. I kept telling him these things through the worst of times. Today when I dropped him off somewhere, he said, “Bye. I love you.” I almost cried.

I have also explained that anxiety etc runs in our family and I knew with help he could get through. He cuts me off short sometimes (most times) but I read it is good to plant those seeds even if met with disgust, apathy etc. One article said the child may remember what you said later etc. I started employing a stay in the moment exercise I read online and my own therapist echoed. My son often gets up and gets in the shower but at some point between the shower and leaving the house his panic becomes unbearable. One day he yelled out to me he could not get out of the shower. I literally (from the other side of the door) told him to think about now — what did the water feel like, was he breathing in steam, what did the bathtub feel like against his feet etc. Then I directed him to the next step, (like getting the shampoo out of his hair, shutting off the water, drying off etc). He finally got out of the bathroom, went to bed and slept for 5 or 6 hours. I think cried the whole 5 hours.

I digress though, for me (as the caregiver), it helped to read other people’s stories (so thank you to those who have shared theirs here) and read some articles.

Here are a few I found helpful:

npr.org/2017/10/16/55809782...

And aacap.org/aacap/Families_an...

Good luck and keep us posted.

Westy

[Hidden]

Hi FTOP

She needs to be on antidepressants.

I was once in her place, except I didn't want to go to work and couldn't get out of the bed. Antidepressants gave me my life back!

[motherofateen]

I see this was posted 3 years ago. I am having the same issue with my 16 year old. Although she is in remote learning this year due to covid, but she is at the point of wanting to uneroll from school to get her GED. Can I ask what worked for you child?