New and anxious

[Cathy26]

Hi guys,

I have just joined after reading through the many submissions and seeing so many people get great community advice and support.

I've been struggling recently with work and the thought that I am not good enough - I changed jobs three times last year and am having doubts about my current job. My situation makes me increasingly worried and anxious, I feel like I can't stay in one place for long and am scared of what this will mean to my career now and in the future. As a 24 year old I always thought I would be working my way up the corporate ladder and constantly pushing myself to do better. Instead I wake up every morning dreading work and then chastise myself for being ungrateful for having a paying job. At work I try my best to do what I can but I find myself putting off doing tasks and worry about things before even doing them. The worry and dread consumes me to the point I sit and stare at the keyboard for lack of knowing what else to do.

I want to quit, in hindsight this was probably not the right job for me, but I am scared and worried, does this mean I am a quitter? Am I just lazy? Is my pattern always going to be jumping from job to job because I can't handle anything? Why was I so much better at working/coping 2 years ago than I am today, and what has changed to make me so scared and worried all the time?

I guess my main question to anyone here is: have you ever felt like this? My doctor believes I may have anxiety and thinks I should speak to a psychiatrist, but am I just being weak and should I just suck it up like every other adult who can manage to work full-time?

Would appreciate any and all feedback/advice.

[deborah27]

sounds like anxiety, with a bit of esteem issues too. if you keep thinking you aren't good enough, start thinking that if that was true you wouldn't have been offered these jobs in the first place. have you any idea what may have triggered these negative thoughts two years ago?

[Cathy26 in reply to deborah27]

Hi deborah27, I've tried to think back at what may have triggered these thoughts to start but I always come to a dead end. I feel it was a gradual negativity that overcame me and is now just overwhelming me on a daily basis.

I think you're right with the esteem issues though. I always tell myself if I weren't good enough I would have never been offered these jobs. But it's short-lived as I then think, 'what if I oversold myself, over promised and talked up my skills?". In a way I think it's similar impostor syndrome, one day someone will call me out for not being who I portrayed in my interview.

[cfh4030]

Hi Cathy26. Go easy on yourself, it sounds like you have a very harsh "internal voice". I imagine from your post that you are ambitious but overwhelmed. It sounds like things don't feel like they've gone as planned and that's causing you extreme doubt about yourself and your future. I believe this is 'all or nothing' thinking. When I get like that I feel desperate too. How can you turn off your negative thoughts, give yourself a break, and stop the anxiety so you can think clearly? I think you need to have more compassion for yourself and calm your internal voice. If you're in the law field, I doubt that you are lazy, just very critical of yourself (and maybe you compare yourself to your perception of others?). It also sounds like you are isolated at work. Are there people you can engage with? Commiserating with co-workers does wonders when I'm feeling at a loss at work. I don't know what else to say. I would suggest focusing on completing your smallest easiest tasks so you can build up the confidence to move to the next harder challenge and try to stick with it. It might not be that the job isn't the right choice, it might be that your anxiety is causing this doubt. I'm not sure if you are interested in medication but I have had success with Effexor ER.

[Cathy26 in reply to cfh4030]

Hi cfh4030, I try to ignore the negative thoughts as much as I can but it is incredibly hard and at times impossible when I am at work. Away from work it is easier for me to ignore but once I am sat at my desk, I become incredibly overwhelmed - sometimes to the point of feeling queasy and getting heart palpitations. I think you're right with having co-workers to commiserate with but in my current job I am very isolated as it is a very small business and we are only a team of 5.

I think I will try and speak to a professional, whether that is a psychiatrist or psychologist, I will let my GP guide me.

I've never considered medication, coming from a cultural background where 'mental health' is taboo I'm embarrassed to say my understanding of it is very negative (but is something I am trying to keep an open mind on). If you don't mind me asking, what has your experience been with medication?

[MorticiaBlue in reply to Cathy26]

Being a black woman that's 64 years old, I can definitely relate. Peace💚

[MorticiaBlue]

Please stop. You're on the same road i was on. I even went back to college, changed careers and STILL had the same pattern. Do you you have a therapist? If not, is there a mental health agency in your area for resources? Stop the pattern now you can do it but you can't do it alone. I'm 64 years old and I started the pattern when i was your age. Theres more awareness and a little less stigma about mental illness. Take care of YOU. If I'd had this technology when I was younger I think I've would have been more stable now. Peace and Blessings💚

[Cathy26 in reply to MorticiaBlue]

Hi MorticiaBlue, thank you for sharing your experience. I will definitely seek out some form of help, I know you're right in saying I can't do this alone. I have made an appointment to see my doctor again and will see where he recommends I go to from here

[MorticiaBlue]

Great! If you need support, I'm always here💚