Today I was resting because it was my last day OFF from work. But I received a call from a coworker friend of mine telling me that she was sent back home from the job because she wasn't on the schedule for today. Seems that our boss changed our schedule at last minute and we didn't know. So it means that I should have worked today. I called my boss to tell her that I and the other coworker didn't notice the changes and I told her that I were going to be there as soon as I get ready. She told me no to go and that she were going to do my job for today. At the end of the conversation, I got really frustrated. I started to cry and felt very guilty because I did not noticed the changes and I missed a day of job. But missing the day was not exactly my problem. I was more worried because I don't want her to take this situation to the worse and makes me feel that I don't care of my job.I have been dealing with many situations with her where she and I don't get along so well. We both have different ways to perform our job and whenever she wants me to get involve in a situation that I think is not ethical , she gets mad and starts to put more pressure on me.
That is why I got frustrated today. She got something new against me to makes me feel a bad employee.
I couldn't stop crying. A lot of ideas went back and forth into my head. I felt a lot of fear of loosing my job. I started to feel high and fast palpitations. I felt like a fool because I can't handle sometimes the pressure of my job and because I do huge mistakes like today . I am scared of no being able to handle my daily life. Today and almost everyday is my job what I can't handle as before, but I have been in a daily battle with myself to do the house cleaning, our laundry,etc. I thought I was getting better because I have seen that I do a bit more of my shores, but now that this situation happened, makes me feel like if I am loosing control. I feel as if I am not able to do and keep a normal life like before and like many other people. I am scared like a child. I feel lost. It seems like the end of my world.
Then I have short lapses of time where I feel more strength and I think different. That fear goes away for a bit. I just ask to myself why am I so worried about. I start to see solutions of my problem everywhere, so I end feeling stupid.
But then the fear, hopelessness and negativity comes back and I start with the cycle all over again. I think so much about what I want to do to overcome this problems little by little but the time is passing and I am still on the same page.
I am confused right now. I just feel so overwhelmed that I can't concentrate well and I am too forgetful of what I want to explain. It is like if my mind gets in shock after a lot of ideas, and emotions.
I feel scared.
Written by
UkyoCoanccy
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HI there-certainly a toxic boss and potential toxic work environment isn't great. I fully appreciate the stress and worry about getting "spoken to" like a child at work. My last boss I ever had was constantly rejecting my work and told me I wasn't a team player. I had worked at the company before so she didn't realize I had 15 years of experience with the people she had just met. Listen, the good news is that you are having moments of clarity. This is a small set back with more steps forward to come!
Here is where I get a little crazy because I don't like being mistreated in anyway. Kill with kindness. Say something like "thank you so much for handling my work, I am truly sorry I missed the change on the schedule, I'll be more on top of it now. Thank you for making me aware." Very diplomatic and not hostile if you approach this way. How can she then yell back? Maybe bring her a coffee or treats for the whole staff like cookies. Kindness will win.
You've got this, I can feel it! Also, have you thought about doing house cleaning instead. Where I live, they are making a killing...well the ones that operate like a small company. You could do some stand alone work though as well and charge less and likely still make more. In the end, if it all goes sour, I would hope there are other hotels that are in need. I spent a few years cleaning hotels too as a second job, it is very hard labor!
Of course, I behave and try to be kind. Probably you don't believe but when she yelled at me, I was just talking low and answering her questions. The problem was when I replied with a negative of something that she wanted me to do and that is was not right, even though I still was calmed when I talked back. I also told her that I would work the way that she wanted but I also wanted that the other bosses above her don't get mad at me because they gave me certain rules to follow. I said that to her because she use to denied the fact that she order something that differed from the original rules or policies. But she calm later when I repeated that I will do what she wanted just to make the situation a bit better.
Then it truly sounds like she is a nut case and needs to have control over everything. Sounds to me like a classic narcissist who is probably even miserable with her own life. Maybe she has to be this way just to deal with her own issues...ie. she has a power trip! Sorry if I offended in anyway, I was just thinking how I'd kill her with kindness even though it can be painful to do so. I'm sorry it seems you almost have to concede to her each time she wants something done. Having to appease someone like this is completely exhausting and does sound like my old boss. I had to quit, she was literally tanking my mental health and confidence all at once. I remember my alarm would go off and I would jump out of bed right to my laptop as I knew she would have already emailed her daily list of demands that never matched what I actually needed to accomplish. #horriblebosses is a really funny movie!
It is funny what you said.My friend and I like to joke each other and say that we are living in a dramatic novel. We like to say that every day is a new chapter and when my friend and I work together after some days without seeing each other , we like to ask "how is the novel going today".
Everyday is a new drama.
We use to joke like this in order to get a bit of fun in that horrible environment.
That is priceless. I like that...every day can be a new chapter! We define! :). Certainly mine would a full on drama maybe even a bit of a thriller too. Ha!
I had a boss like that once. It ended up being too much for me. I found a new job away from her. A couple months later she was fired for constantly changing the schedule without notifying people and for theft. She would take cash back to the safe by herself and use the initials of the person that she had rescheduled without their knowledge, so they weren't there. Karma will eventually catch up to your boss too. This is a her problem, not a you problem. Is it possible for you to start looking for another job? Or someone above her that you can talk to about the changes in scheduling?
Well, looking for a new job is something I can do but I was trying of tolerate as much as I can because I work enough hours a week and I am well paid ( a bit more of the minimum). I have no a high school diploma or GED so most of the jobs that I can get pay lower and they offer part time. I am too scared of not being able of pay the essentials and my rent if I got a new job. The fear of not being capable of handle it is killing me, but I know that is something that I will need to do sooner or later.
First, I am very sorry that a day you had set aside for rest was interrupted, and instead had to be used to solve a problem. I seem to be very unable to handle criticism, whether it is out in the open or implied. I always blame myself for troubles in communication that come up, and probably would have been inevitable only because of a situation. I also feel guilty and like I must solve it. I recently went through a few days like that, because it was a situation where I had to be assertive and straighten out a miscommunication. ( I am defining assertive as: not too passive and not too aggressive.) I need a lot of rest. After the last experience I had which lasted about a week I had to rest all day one day and half of the next 4 days! I am better now, but will have to eventually interact with the same people. They are not friends but I didn't want to antagonize them. The problem got solved without involving a lawyer! 🤔🤗
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