Had a super rough day
For the past few weeks – the pressure has been piling on at work. I have a list of priorities for the week – with timelines attached to them. First off- the list is pretty hefty, and more than I think I can manage in one week. Then on top of that, there are ‘urgent’ requests that need to be turned around within 24 hours that are piled on top. It was getting a bit much, and I was starting to get headaches and dizziness just through feeling anxious. My housemate encouraged me to talk to my manager about it – because if they don’t know if there is a problem, they wont do anything to solve it.
It took a bit of working myself up to get the courage to do this, but today I decided I would talk to my boss about it. Needless to say it didn’t go so well. I explained why I am finding my task list difficult to manage, and her response was but you’re getting everything done. And I told her, only because I am working over time and skipping lunch. She just said, all I need to know is that you’re going to get it done – I can’t be worried about anything else.
So yeah, I get it, that’s how work can be, its kind of a turn around from how it was when I came back from sick leave but I understand – we all have our roles to play in the team. I just can’t cope with it right now. When I reached out to my dad, he told me, ‘well just don’t get anxious about it’, my best friend wasn’t much better - he said ‘maybe you should just leave the job instead of having sporadic good days’. Not going to lie, I kind of feel like a popped balloon. I feel like the steps I’m taking aren’t enough. I feel like I’m not getting well fast enough. I feel like I total burden to the lives of my loved ones. Most of all, I just feel isolated. I don’t want to be anxious or depressed, but it seems like my go-to people think this is some kind of choice.