Right now, I'm ok but the truth is, the past 2 days, I wasn't ok. I was suicidal and done with all the anxiety and depression.
I sat on the floor in my bathroom with my head in my hands, crying, and just about did it. My cat saved me. She poked her head in the door and meowed. 😻
I felt as if I'd had it. Enough of the damn struggle. It's like, dragging a heavy suitcase around. It got too heavy. I just wanted it all to stop. I'm missing so much due to this damn agoraphobia and depression. I have family in town and I'm missing out.
Then I decided instead, it's time to do the hard work. The exposure therapy, via the hierarchy. It's time to live life again. The old me is there. I just need to fight to get her back.
I didn't tell anyone until after the thoughts plagued me. I told my wife. She's glad I'm alive which feels good. But, yesterday, I laid in bed all day which is counter productive. This fight is going to be the hardest thing I'll ever do. But, I know I can.
Anyway, my message is, stay here- life is better with you here.
I know I can work through anything I'm going through. I've gotta fight- hard and be resilient. I can get help and accept the help, accept the love and support and not be ashamed anymore.
Putting my gloves on, it's fighting time! 💪
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