Dealing

[PoeticSoul34]

After 9yrs of marriage my wife left me. We had a argument about how she doesnt consider me. She goes all day and doesnt see any need to txt or call me. She moved out to her moms but of late shes been a single friends house. Ive tried to adjust but i hate picking my daughter up on weekends. And being ignored. I havent been eating or sleepy good at all. I miss my family but the issues between me and her family are still there. They critic everything i do nothings good enough. My issues with my own family watchin my mom be abused verbally by my own dad and physically by my stepdad has left me with alot of anger inside. I try to express myself but she ignores me until i get loud.idk what to do

[Hidden]

I'm sorry you are going through such a horrible time. I know you miss your family but if she was not taking the time to listen and be there for you then you don't need to be with someone who does not consider you . You deserve better and in the future you will meet someone who will be there for you, to listen and understand you. Have you tried seeing a therapist ? This might help you cope with your anger better and your new situation with your wife.

[PoeticSoul34 in reply to Hidden]

Havent had good experiences with therapist in my life. Saw a few as child. But to me made things worse. I try to stay positive but how she walked away really has messed with my selfesteem

[Hidden in reply to PoeticSoul34]

I understand you. But there is nothing wrong with you. Alot of people are not understanding towards people with anxiety, but that's because there is something wrong with them and not us. When you are in a marriage you have to be understanding and supportive towards your spouse but some people just can't get it right.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

The problem is in her. There is a reason that she is unsettled. I hope you can come to some common ground and work things out. I do think counseling would be a good idea. With and without her. You can learn how to communicate better. Then together she would have to listen. I know about divorce first hand. I had one. It’s not good. I think counseling may have helped but he hasn’t changed a bit. The one hurt the most was my son. My best advice is to put your feelings on the back burner in terms of your daughter. She needs to know you are united in your love for her. I wish you the best!

[PoeticSoul34 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Thank u

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to PoeticSoul34]

I want to clarify that I do understand your pain. It’s only natural. Just that try to handle business, be upset etc when your daughter isn’t with you. Not that you can’t feel pain. I did. My ex would try to fight in front of my son. Just don’t entertain it if so. I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s hard. I know you miss your daughter on a daily as well as your wife. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here. I did not do everything as it should have been done and our son suffered.

Much love!

[PoeticSoul34 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Ive held it together in front of my daughter. We never argued in fight of her. Until yesturday we had a shoving match and a few bad words. I havent learned how to not let people take me there yet. Its like she does stuff to me to get me going. Like i dnt wanna be angry but i dnt know how to just walk away. Its like im fighting to prove my worth and i shouldnt

[PoeticSoul34 in reply to PoeticSoul34]

Its like a flash back i feel so helpless and insecure that i get soo mad. I try to use my words but they always seem to be ignored. Then it becomes a pushing match.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to PoeticSoul34]

That’s awful. Maybe you could write her a letter. I know that may sound corny but it is good. You could explain your feelings. How you would like to act around your daughter. How you wish things to go on from here. That private conversations should be made in private. Etc. You and her should never use physical pain and abuse. Just stay in the car when you pick up your daughter or something. I had to meet my ex at a neutral location. That way nothing got out of hand. He used my son for mind games. It was horrible. I think you and her should go to mediation. Even if it’s only to learn how to co-parent. They have coparenting classes. That could help. It helped me. When you and your wife get in shoving matches in front of your daughter you are teaching her that it is okay to do that. So when a man pushes your daughter she will think it is okay. I’m not at all trying to be ugly. Just think of your daughter getting pushed like that by a man and let that help you control your anger. I know how many woman and men too I’ve seen just know how to push your buttons. The most harm you can do back is not let her. Just ignore her. Don’t let her see you sweat which it sounds like she may enjoy. Don’t satisfy her. Just say thank you for my daughter, or nothing at all and walk away. Leave her talking. That will in turn shut her up. The last thing you want is to get arrested for assault and not be able to see your daughter at all. Do not engage. Your daughter needs you. Unless something is important for your daughter do not speak. Leave her with a letter when you pick up your doctor. If you can’t use kind words in front of your daughter don’t use any. All these things will be ingrained in her brain as okay to have done to her. Trust me. When you feel overwhelmed just think of your sweet daughter. You can talk to us. I do recommend that you attend a parenting class. Not to learn how to take care of your daughter but how to coparent your daughter in a positive way. I know you don’t want her hurt. I know it’s hard for you. It’s actually easier in the long run to just be quiet. Don’t engage at all until you can learn to engage in a healthy manner. It will protect you and your daughter. Think about a letter. Then don’t talk. Especially if it results in shoving. Trust me on this as well, if you are having “private” conversations in a home with your daughter she can here you. When you think you don’t want her to hear she is listening. Teach your daughter how to be treated. We’re here to talk.

[PoeticSoul34 in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Ive been tryin. Every friday i pick my daughter up and we do daddy n daughter time. Shes 3yrs old. Ive been doing these dates since she was 5months old.. I try to be positive around her and set a good example

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to PoeticSoul34]

She will treasure that time with her daddy! I bet she’s precious and is a daddy’s girl! That’s awesome!