new and need advice

[OCDmom]

Good morning, I have mild OCD and ADHD that are pretty well controlled with meds. My daughter who is 9 is really struggling with OCD and it just sucks. We started seeing a new psychologist a couple of months ago and she's not the warmest person ever but I figured that doesn't matter if she can help my daughter. My daughter has issues with intrusive thoughts (like mother like daughter I guess) and lately she hasn't wanted to tell me about them because she's embarrassed. Well she finally told her therapist this week about them and apparently they are sexual. Prior to finding out the content I asked her if her "embarrassing thoughts" were from things that have happened that she's worrying about or just thoughts that pop into her head and she said they just pop into her head. Well her therapist has now immediately jumped to the conclusion that my daughter has been molested (which there has never been any sign ever of this) because she is too young to be having explicit thoughts. I always thought this was a classic symptom of OCD but according to her it doesn't happen like this for kids. I know she hasn't been molested, when I asked her if anyone has ever touched her inappropriately her immediate reaction was "ew no!" Also, close friends of the family who work with abused children agree that she has absolutely no signs of previous abuse. I don't know what to do. I feel trapped. I'm scared that at the next appointment where the therapist plans to question her further that my daughter will feel even more ashamed of these intrusive thoughts that she can't help or worse yet be convinced that something bad has happened to her because this doctor is telling her something has. HELP!!!!!!!!!

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

Wow! I’m so sorry you are going through this! I would definitely get a second opinion! I wouldn’t just quit that doctor because she may think you have something to hide. I would just tell the doctor that is a very strong assumption that you take very seriously so you are going to get a second opinion. You are almost trapped. It’s tricky. I’m no expert. I’m here for support from like minded people with anxiety. I would discuss this with your daughter. Children can’t make up factual things. She had to know something about it to think about it. I would ask where she learned that information. Have you had the talk with her? That could give her anxiety about it which could illicit those thoughts. I have OCD and when presented with new situations or obstacles etc I have severe anxiety and imagine many different fictional outcomes or experiences. She is your daughter! You know her best. If that therapist made her feel bad for being honest the therapist will not benefit her because she will be scared to talk to her. Second opinion.

[OCDmom in reply to Hopeful-Tinkerbell]

From what I gather her thoughts aren't exactly about sex (we haven't had the talk and I know she is still clueless about the birds and the bees) but more fixation on nakedness and male genitalia. I know she unfortunately saw some graffiti of male parts which I'm sure is where some of this is coming from, along with a 9 year old's growing curiosity about the opposite sex. That with constant images on tv etc. she even got uncomfortable the other day at the grocery store when she saw a magazine cover of a woman naked but covering her privates. She was worried she was doing something wrong by looking at it but I assured her that it can't be that inappropriate if it's in the magazine rack in the check out lane and not to worry about it.

The doctor has instructed me not to ask too many questions of my daughter because it will upset her and break the trust they have established. I've asked as much as I can without crossing that line and everything she told me seemed normal (normal as far as OCD goes).

I really like your idea of saying that because it is such assumption I want to get a second opinion. I wasn't sure how to word that without sounding defensive or in denial about the seriousness. I even called the doc yesterday to tell her the information I had found out since her appt that reassured me she hadn't been molested and the doc basically didn't care. It's like she has decided X and is only going to look for information to corroborate X instead of considering Y. I just feel sick and this of course has made my OCD flare up and I am now super-obsessing over this.

Thank you so much for your reply.

[Hopeful-Tinkerbell in reply to OCDmom]

Second opinion for sure without making it look like you are trying to cover up the therapists so called findings. I worked in the hospital and on the rescue squad. There are many things that can suggest things. Symptoms that may suggest more than one illness. Weakness for example can be a sign of many illnesses. It can also be that you ran very far and you are tired. You don’t need heart medicine for that even though it can be a sign of heart disease. It’s still a good idea to get it checked out. I hope that makes sense. If you take her to another doctor or therapist I probably wouldn’t tell her what the first one suggested. That may lead the therapist in a certain direction. Just let her talk to your daughter and come to her own conclusions. I know you don’t want your daughter to have to go through it at this age but worst case scenario they would be able to tell physically if she has been abused. Tell your daughter that the human body is a beautiful thing and it is nothing to be ashamed of at all. Maybe her curiosity and thoughts are an indication that it may be time for an age and maturity appropriate talk about male and females and their differences. If you are positive and confident she will feed off your energy. Curiosity is a completely normal part of life! I had a male friend around that age and we showed each other what we looked like. I was curious. We never touched one another. I just wanted to see what it looked like. Now I probably sound weird but it was not a bad thing. Not at all. Validate your daughters feelings and remember anxiety is contagious. I just had to take a drug test. I am 100% clean and do NOT do drugs but somehow I felt nervous about it and could barely pee. It was a guilty feeling even though I wasn’t guilty so I do believe thoughts can be put onto people. They checked me for drugs and it made me feel like I did something wrong. Encourage open communication and validate her feelings! Second opinion is important. I would not tell them about first therapist ahead of time if ever. Doctors as with therapists will not go against another doctor or say they are wrong even when they are wrong. They may however treat you differently but won’t disrespect the other. Getting that second opinion will only make you look like a more caring parent if worded as to not make you look guilty. Good luck!

[EdenFoxe86]

I work in education, which makes me a mandated reporter. I thought I'd offer my perspective on it, for whatever its worth.

Best practice would dictate that the doctor investigate thoroughly before coming to any conclusion. It doesn't sound like that is what is happening, though. It sounds like this doctor heard something suspicious and jumped to a conclusion without following proper protocols. Furthermore, a professional should not be advising you NOT to talk with your daughter about something this important. Kids need to feel like they can talk to their parents about sex and sexuality. She is already feeling embarrassed and anxious about these thoughts, even though they are perfectly normal and natural. Keep that communication going, validate her feelings, and reassure her that you are always willing to listen no matter what. It is also important that you and your daughter are comfortable with the person she is seeing. I've never met this doctor, and I already don't like her. I agree with Shawny. Get a second opinion.

You are a good mom!

[Hidden]

I agree you need a second opinion. Definitely that's a serious assumption