I need advice

[Sarahp2008]

I've been struggling with alot and I think alot of it begins with my relationship with my mom. She hasn't exactly made my life easy and she's done hurtful things. I feel like if I can move past it or forgive her, that'll help me deal with everything. I want her to know how she had hurt me in the past. On the other hand, she's suicidal and I'm afraid I might trigger her. I walk on egg shells with her because I'm afraid of her reactions. My living like that has caused me difficulties in my everyday life. Should I tell her how I feel n or should I try to forgive her n let it go? We not the closest, but we are closer than some of my other siblings. I just don't know what to do.

[Sarahp2008]

I don't live at home. She hasn't attempted anything like that in almost 8 years. It's just that once you see it, its hard to forget. I'm forever afraid it'll happen again. She's an alcoholic (but has been sober for a few years) and I honestly don't think she remembers some of the things she has put me through. I feel like she is the root for all my problems.... Or maybe I'm just trying to put a name to it. If that makes sense. I just don't know what to do. I'm 27, so it's definitely possible for me to exclude her from my life, which I've done. My dad passed away ten years ago and since then, I've wanted a relationship with her because my dad and I weren't close. I think you're right though. Maybe it's not necessary for her to know. I think I am trying to find a reason for my depression..... When there really isn't an exact "reason". I see a psychologist.... And she feels writing a letter could be helpful. Maybe just the act of writing it will help. I just wish I could tell her but I think it'll do more harm than good. I wish I could forgive her.

[njstrength]

If there is any way you can get professional help and work through your feelings with your mom, I think that could help immensely. I am 48 and began therapy about six months after my dad died but so much of what we are working through is my relationship with my mom--who I know did the best she could but who raised us in an alcoholic crazy dysfunctional household with my father drinking. You are still young and if you can find a way to work through this with a good professional, I think it could help a lot. Unfortunately no matter how old we are I think so much of who we are and how we view life began in childhood.

[Sarahp2008 in reply to njstrength]

Thanks for reaching out! I do see a psychologist and psychiatrist.... Life is just alot of work! We've been working on it for a while. It's just so difficult for me to forgive n I think that's what I need to do.

[njstrength]

Yes, life is a lot of work! It doesn't feel like it should be as hard as it is sometimes. Good luck. It just takes a lot of time.