It's been an uphill battle

I am feeling exhausted and drained from dealing with my anxiety and depression. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks and they medicated me up and it was not fun. I am now home and going to a partial program during the day as well as seeing my therapist twice a week. They adjusted my medication since I have been out of the hospital and I can finally sleep! I am still having issues with my depression and anxiety during the day. I increased the Prozac to 40mgs starting this morning and I hope that will help. I just feel trapped and scared. I still get twinges of sadness and emptiness as well as anxious feelings. I have been dealing with this for many years and this is the second time that it's affected me badly. I'm not sure what to do next? I feel like a prisoner in my own body. I am still going to fight as much as I can. I just needed to vent! Thank you for listening.


25 Replies

  • Your in battle right now and you have to win. As hard as it gets, which I’ve been there so I know, you keep fighting. You will get better again, this illness somehow seems to find its way back at times and sometimes it comes back with a vengeance. You are doing all the right things for yourself, even though you are still struggling, you will get better. Keep doing your self care and hopefully the increase in meds will give you some relief soon. Stay strong.

  • Thank you Sandia for the kind words. It's nice to know that I am not alone with this!

  • No you are not alone. Most people on here can relate. It sux and I just hope it gets better for you soon.

  • All the best for your Battle.. you are not alone. Hope you come out of this trap as early as possible..and this time totally. Good luck dear. Share your feelings as much as possible. Make yourself feel lighter.

  • I have been struggling with anxiety and depression all my life. I reached the age of 65 , have seen many doctors and therapists but the darkness is still with the last two years my physical symptoms from pain in the right flank, to severe itching of the skin, the weird feeling that some worm is crawling up my nose, nausea, hypertension, panic attacks, enormous guilt about what a terrible mother I have been, since I was incapacitated from the unbearable darkness cooped inside the house and under the covers .....I feel that nobody understands me. After medical exams and lab tests doctors found nothing wrong with my physical health. Time and again, they gave me blood pressure medication, and some xanax to use as needed for my anxiety. It does not help at all, by the way. When the dark cloud covers my world nothing seems to help. I understand how you feel and I wish I could shed some light but I need help as well. Sorry for being so verbose but this is my first day with the community and talking about our common issues may help us a little. Thank you for listening....

  • I am 67 and feel like you. You could communicate if you r interested.

  • I would like to communicate with you.

  • I have been through this before but never this bad. I have been a widow now for over six years. Loneliness is a bad demon. To make matters worse my 33 year old son moved in with me after a divorce and is depressed. Been in and out of hospitals. Nice to communicate with who understands

  • I can relate to the loneliness. I live alone and aside from my 2 kitties that I adore, it's just me.

  • I know how it gets unbearable at times. I cannot even work on myself getting better since I spend so much time dealing with my son. Tough situation here. Today I feel totally drained so I am allowingmyselfsome down time and still resting in bed for a bit. I feel nothing can hurt me while I am in my bed. I need this time. My sons bill just arrived and it will be difficult to pay. He is running out of money so I feel responsible to help him out. At least he has some insurance. Keep your chin up and be good to yourself. You deserve it.

  • I'm not sure how old your son is but can someone watch him while you get some rest? You need to take care of yourself too! You need to keep your chin up and be good to you!

  • My son is 33 and recently divorced plus lost his dad 6 years ago. I enable him way too much. But I couldn't bear to lose another family member.I am giving myself down time today and he is just hanging out in the house. What area in the US do you live?

  • Oh so he is adult. Can he go out for the day and give you soon alone time. You don't have to lose him. Does he understand how you feel? I live in Massachusetts.

  • He is afraid to do anything alone. When I go out he texts me constantly. I believe he has more issues than me.

  • Sounds like its separation anxiety.

  • Gosh you have just described me. I do understand what you r going through. Others do not understand me. I sometimes even think therapists do not understand. Got brave today and made an appointment with a new therapist.

  • I am so glad that you made an appointment with a therapist! I am very proud of you!! Where are you from?

  • Been seeing a therapist for four years. Have not seen much progress so finally decided to make a change.

  • Hi Beth. You just described myself. I understand how you feel. For me the worst decades of my darkness were my 30's and now in my early 60's. Unbearable emptiness, fatigue, guilt, panic, fear of success, hopelessness, loosing jobs, hiding from the world, estranged from family including my only child, the love of my life, whom I have cheated out of having a mother when he needed one. How can one live with such pain and darkness? I don't think I'm gonna make it.

  • I feel this way also, like I'm not going to make it.

  • I feel the Same way. It is a mysterious illness. I push so hard everyday I truly become exhausted. So mentally draining. Getting myself involved in DBT and meditation. Losing fate in the meditations. Good luck to you Feel safe free peace and be free from suffering.

  • Thank you for all the replies to my post. I feel so alone and scared dealing with this and I know that I am not alone. I wish I could give each and every one of you a big hug! I just sit on my couch and cry. What happened to me? Why am I going thru this? Why me? I guess it's a combination of genetics, chemical imbalance and traumatic upbringing. I am sensitive to medications so it's hard for me to find the right one and when I do find the right one they tend to "poop out" on me. Frustration is my middle name!!

    It does feel like a mysterious illness that you just can't seem to heal. Thanks for the analogy Mbroker27! My therapist actually wants me to try meditation but my mind wanders constantly. I don't know how much help it will be.

    Listen lamok64 and mimimylon we can get thru this together. Write down how your feeling and maybe that will help you feel better.

    Thank you everyone for listening!

  • Hi, I wanted to check in and see how everyone is doing today. I had therapy this morning and we talked about the uncomfortable situation with this girl that I used to hang out with and she told me that my mental health comes first and that I need to tell her that I need to work on myself and to please not contact me anymore. So even though I feel "guilty" sending a text like that, only because I never stick up for myself and always put others, it was time that I did set boundaries and stick up for me. Hey no one else will! I went to the 2nd half of the program and we learned about mindfulness. Its the practice of paying attention to what is happening to you from moment to moment. It is going to take a lot of practice to stay mindful. I was mindful about eating my cookie, yum! I came home after the program and sent the text. I felt guilty and nervous but I know that I needed to do it. It is the best for the both of us. So MBroker27, Iamok64, Aaron, Mimimylon, how are you guys doing?

  • Made an appointment with a new therapist. Hopefully a positive step forward. Thanks for checking up. You r very kind and sound beautiful inside.

  • Thank you, I try to be! You sound nice too! :)

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