since I was a kid, i have been dealing with anxiety and depression. I have always had the feeling of hate towards myself, thought I would never been good enough. Dealing with constant stress, feeling like no matter what i did things couldn't go right. I needed to control everything. Going into 2017, now almost 25, I have never felt worse. Last year, I was dealing with some serious health issues. I was diagnosed with celiac's disease last august, only after spending most of the previous months not being able to eat or keep down what I eat. I lost a lot of weight, and had to make a whole new lifestyle choice. For those of you who don't know what celiac's disease is, it's a stomach condition where your body can no longer digest food that contains gluten like bread. But it isn't just food. Gluten resides in many skin and makeup products. After all this, my doctor now says I have an eating disorder. I have been unable to gain back any weight I lost, and have many health issues because of it. They say my anxiety and depression are causing it, and I believe them. Every day I wake up dreading. I feel sick when I wake up, I force myself to eat. I can't even leave the house. I have become so consumed with fear it is almost impossible to keep up my spirits everyday. But I try. The most important thing I have learned through this all, is to keep trying and push through. It isn't easy, and I still hate myself everyday. I barely make it through, but I make it through. I am still waiting for that day where I wake up, and it can all just be ok.