Uphill Battle, please give me encouragement!

Hello! I am new to this group, but found it because I have been struggling. It’s been like that for me for a long time, but I guess I just really want someone removed from my life who I can talk to.

I am not even 20 years old but already have struggled heavily with depression since I was in middle school. I try so hard to seem happy and make people happy and it is exhausting. People outside my home life would never imagine this is something that I’ve dealt with forever. I feel hurt by people so often and left out and overlooked because I am not the most beautiful or knowledgeable, yet I am kind and loving and loyal. I have my moments of true joy sometimes and that’s something I work for, brighter days. When I’m able to use my experiences to be there for others I am truly happy as well and I’m thankful I’ve had opportunities in my young life to use my hurt to form deep connections with others, even if those relationships are fleeting.

Something I’m experiencing right now though is just depression, many times for no specific reason. And I work to get out of bed and keep moving, but with this virus it’s hard to stay busy when I may not have anything to do. It’s very hard for me to find balance between being so busy I don’t have time for anything including dealing with my depression and giving into it completely and not being able to get myself up. I have friends who I can talk to about these things and they want so badly to fix it but I don’t want to place my burden on them because they shouldn’t have to be my therapist. While I think it’s healthy to talk about those things, I feel like sometimes they unintentionally view me differently and if I don’t want depression to be my forever I want to act around them like I want to eventually be. Kind of a fake it til you make it thing I guess.

In addition to this one of my closest friends is getting married soon and I’ve still never been in a relationship. That is so hard for me because it makes me feel unloved and unvalued, especially since I feel ready for that and have been for years. While I am happy for that friendship it can just be so hard sometimes when that’s something I desire.

I know other people are going through trials too and COVID-19 has definitely changed the dynamics of everyone’s lives. But if you want to talk about your stories dealing with these things I’m all ears.

[Agora1]

Hi growth12, you're too nice, as we all are on this site. We all want to give and give

until there is nothing left for ourselves. It sounds like you can use some insight right

now with your feelings. Have you ever been treated for your depression? Either therapy

and/or medication??

You're right in that it's difficult to talk with friends w/o feeling that you are burdening them.

This is a better place for you to come where you can meet others who are experiencing

the same thoughts and struggles. I'm glad you are here with us. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

I was diagnosed years ago & have been on medication. Definitely works wonders but has it’s limits

[pink318]

Hello,

Welcome to the group! Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. We are here for you, so feel free to post. Online groups like this can help you to feel less lonely. That’s my experience when I was going through deep sadness, I found comfort after sharing in one of the online groups. You can also try to write down your thoughts in your journal. Whatever emotions I am going through, it helps me to feel better after I write them down. I hope it will for you as well.

If you think you need help from your therapist, try to make an appointment with him/her. I hope things will go well. Please keep us posted. Stay safe. May God’s peace be upon you. Stay safe.

[Sabio77]

@hidden, thank you for sharing. welcome to this forum. I am happy to hear that you have brighter days and that you are using your experiences to help others. that is what it is all about as we heal. that is your testimony/story. I am a survivor of depression. it is not easy. I agree with you, talking to someone about things helps. I am glad that you are trying so hard to keep your friends in tune with you. yes, sometimes, we have to put on a fake smile to get past those ugly moments. I am here if you wish to talk. hugs of encouragement.

[Ubud2021]

I am sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling so much. It’s not easy by any means. And feeling the need to hid behind a smile just to get by, is incredibly hard as well. It’s completely draining.

One thing to hopefully make you feel a little better, “There is always someone out there who is going to be prettier than you and smarter than you.” - Being “beautiful” or attractive, is a subjective manner. Also is being knowledgeable. Personally I’m not book smart, but I am very spiritually attuned and also street smart. So, something to keep in mind.

I understand not wanting to be the “depressed” one out of the group that people may look at differently. But, you can’t keep hiding. Depression isn’t a “fake it til you make it” kind of thing. Just like being diabetic, you can’t fake not having diabetes and eat all the sugar and carbohydrates you want. Ya know?

My advice for you, find a therapist and a psychiatrist who you are able to connect and feel safe with sharing all your emotions. You can’t hide behind a smile to a therapist or psychiatrist and expect to feel/get any better.

Also, getting married that young is.... well.... I have my own opinion on that one. DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO YOUR FRIENDS. Life is not a competition. Just because she is pretty dang young, and getting married, does not mean your a failure or does not mean you should put yourself down. Yes, easier said than done. But we all have our own moments when we’re going to shine. Personally, I feel like because you are around 20, and have not been in a relationship, you will be smarter about picking a partner to be with.

Just keep in mind, there is no timeline for success. 💕💕💕