14 year battle

[kwiderman]

I’ve been dealing with anxiety since I was in 8th grade. I have a very specific phobia of vomit and anything gastrointestinal severely triggers my anxiety. I was doing well on medication for about 10 years and went off of them, but when the anxiety came back a year ago I haven’t been able to find anything that works.

However, recently I’ve been having panic attacks just from leaving the house, or the thought of traveling outside my “safe space”. I force myself everyday to go somewhere, even if it’s just to fill up my car with gas and back again. I was working through all of this, but my job put me on mandatory medical leave and it’s gotten MUCH worse since then because I have no more structure in my life. I’ve lost all confidence that I can get a regular job now and feel myself losing control of this anxiety. The doctors just switched my to Pristiq about 1.5 weeks ago, so I’m patiently waiting for it to hopefully start working. Xanax is the only thing that stops my panic attacks (which I have 5-6 a day) but the doctors are limiting me strictly to 2 a day, which only adds to my far of having a panic attack and not being able to take something.

I have also had a very hard time eating lately because of my anxiety.

Any advise would help!

[Hidden]

I can completely relate to your story. I had a major breakdown a year ago and had to go on medical leave. I became agoraphobic and was scared to leave my house for months. I would have intense panic attacks and insomnia for months. I went into an intensive outpatient therapy program which helped a lot, also gave me some stricture to my day. I got on Lexapro which helped, and like you I forced myself to go out and get groceries etc. listening to Claire Weekes on YouTube helped. I lost confidence in myself too, I completely deteriorated. It’s been a long road, now a year later I’m feeling more stable but not out of the woods. I did start to go back to school, and I’m looking forward to a new career. After my breakdown I realized that career path was over. So it does get better slowly, it’s a major trauma to lose a job and have to start over, but it can be done.

[kwiderman in reply to Hidden]

It’s the worst feeling in the world and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy!

I’ve been thinking about an outpatient program, so maybe I’ll do more research into one.

I think the hardest thing for me is that I’ve been here before, and it’s almost like a relapse. Climbing out of this hole when I was a freshman in high school was one thing, but climbing out as an adult is a completely different battle. I know how good I can feel with the right medications, but I haven’t found it yet. The med I was on years ago cause me to have heart complications when I took it as an adult, so it’s back to the drawing board. I actually just did some genetic testing through GeneSight and they put me on Pristiq because it says it will work well with my genetic makeup.

I wish you all the best on your journey as well!

[Hidden in reply to kwiderman]

Yes I’ve had a breakdown before but this was the mother of all breakdowns. Suicidal thoughts included which was new for me. That’s why this time was a lot slower coming back and I know I’m not fully back yet. I’m taking it one day at a time and trying to pace myself. It’s scary thought, I felt my life was on the line and I was in a really low place. I think I’m turning the corner but I’m cautious.

[kwiderman in reply to Hidden]

I can relate. Every time I have a good day I don’t get too excited because I’m scared of tomorrow. And my a good day I mean only 2-3 panic attacks instead of 5-6. Lol

[Hidden in reply to kwiderman]

Oh ya that’s my life too lol