In need of someone to talk to

[Alleena616]

Hello,

My name is Alleena. I'm 26 years old and I have 4 children. 6 year old Andrew. 4 year old Benjamin. 1 (almost 2) year old Cheyanne and just turned 1 Dixie. I am married for 5 years. I suffer from depression, anxiety and skin picking. Like to the point I want to wear long sleeved shirt when I go out in public. My husband works alot and nights (12 hrs) and during the day he sleeps. So I am running errands alone with 4 kids. Taking them to their doctors or wherever. It's overwhelming and I break down in tears bc it's alot to handle. Lately, I haven't been wanting to do anything but stay at home. .I barely feel like wanting to cook..I do anyways because I know they have to eat and my husband needs to eat and make sure he has a lunch packed for work. I went to the doctor today and I asked about my prescription. I'm on 100mg Zoloft. I felt like it's not working anymore. I never feel good and I don't go to sleep until 4 or 5 am. Turn around and 8 am up with the kids. She had asked me if I have help with the kids. Family, friends, etc. I don't. Most of my friends have their own kids and busy with their lives and I don't want to bother anyone. My in-laws...that's a whole different story. They never ask to keep the kids. They always want me to bring them for visits. Which is fine, but I still run my butt off at their house. My mom...she's in her own world with her own problems and she never asks to keep the kids either and I will take the kids for visits to. Which turns out a nightmare because she loves to hype them up on candy and send them home with me. Which I understand, she's grandma. But it makes everything 100 times harder for me. Not only are they hyper afterwards but they start acting mean towards me because they think they can get away with it. My life is literally turned upside down at this point and I just don't know what to do anymore. Im thinking if I reach out to someone it will help me. Someone outside of the family looking in. I try to talk to my husband but he doesn't quite understand how I feel. He thinks my life is easy because of being a stay at home mom. Which I honestly do love my kids but I am a dental assistant and I miss work now. I also tried going to school for dental hygiene but doing only online classes is quite difficult. Ever since my daughter Cheyanne was born...she was born early 32 weeks and weighed 4 lbs. She was diagnosed with Pierre Robin sequence and had a cleft palate on the inside. We spent 6 months in the hospital with her. I was so depressed because I almost lost my child. I never want to have that feeling again because it was so hard. It took everything inside me to stay strong for my two boys. They still needed me. Soon after everything I had also found out I was pregnant again. I was scheduled for a tubal ligation, however, my surgery was scheduled the same day as my daughter and at a different hospital. So I put that off because she was more important. Then 9 months later. Dixie was also born at 32 weeks. After being on hospital bed rest two weeks. She weighed 2 lbs and it brought me back to cheyannes birth and everything that was wrong with her. My heart was so heavy and I was so scared. Luckily she was absolutely perfect...she was just small! 2 months later, she was released and I thought my life would be perfect now. Instead, I am more depressed than I ever have been.

I'm sorry for this long story...it's actually not even all of my background and problems going on. But maybe a little background will help understand why I could be feeling this way.

[Traversijess]

This is a lot to take in but first things first. Take care of you and your mental and physical health. That's important. Especially since you have so many people that look up to you and rely on you. Second sit down and have a serious talk with your significant other. Make it very clear what you are going through. Hell maybe even stop at your doctors first and let them know. Then go to him and tell him how bad it is getting. He should be there to support you and help you. Regardless if you are a stat at home mom. That is a job. A difficult one at that. You deserve time to yourself. You will make it through this rough patch! You will get help and you will take care of yourself. You have this group. I hope it all goes right and eventually things fall into the right place. You deserve only the best and I wish that upon you and your children 💕 I am here as a place to open up to as well if needed

[Hidden]

Hi you have 4 children with the eldest at 6 so no wonder you are feeling so tired and run down. I know your husband is working 12 hour nights but you are working a lot more than that and he needs to understand that he has to do more more to help you have a break sometimes. Surely he isn't working 7 night a week? He must get some daytime to himself?

I would have a serious chat with him and see if he can perhaps babysit once a week so you can get out and see friends or join a class or something. How about the 2 of you getting a babysitter and going out too?

Does he get home from work, sleep then spend the rest of the time just sitting there expecting you to do everything? He does have some free time whereas you don't.

The good news is every year will get easier as they get older but that's not much help to you right now. It won't last forever. x

[Marquis784]

It is clear that you are overwhelmed with justified reasons. This does not help you in your situation but it should help put this into perspective. You have endured a lot in a short amount of time. Don't be hard on yourself as you have been doing the best you can with what you have.

Seeking advice and assistance from your doctor is important. Maybe they can help you problem solve reasonable alternatives to assist you during this difficult time. There may be options you haven't considered. Dealing with family can be challenging but sometimes helpful in the short term. Most people won't volunteer to care for 4 small kids....that's a heroic gesture. No offense, I have 2 kids and when they were young it was challenging. You are definitely out numbered! You will need to ask for the help you require.

Are there any neighborhood teens or college students who could assist you? When I needed help I eventually hired a sitter as a mother's helper. I wasn't ready to leave the kids alone but having someone else there meant a lot. If you are in the States, I used care.com to find compatible assistance. There was a fee to use the service but from my experience it was worth every cent. Check it out and see if they have any services which might be helpful for you.

Honestly, when I first sought assistance it was so I could attend my therapy sessions alone! That's where I started my journey to "sanity"! Lol! Having an hour and a quiet drive to and from and maybe a cup of tea or coffee did wonders to boost my energy.

Best wishes!

[Loveydovey0519 Ambassador]

Welcome to the forum! Hopefully you find this place as helpful as many others have. Definitely sounds like you have your hands full! Just keep doing what you can, and enjoy every moment you have with your kids!

[Alleena616]

Thank you everyone. I am also a victim of being sexually assaulted by not a stranger. This is what's happening right now with my whole family. It was my father in law. I kept my mouth shut for a long time but always told my husband. He kept brushing it off bc he didn't want to accept the fact his own father would do such a horrid thing to not only me but to his wife.to his son. And to all his grandchildren. It's a big mess. I feel at fault for splitting up his family and his parents that have been married for 35 years. We all didn't want to tell my mother in law but bc I wasn't comfortable being around him I wouldn't see them or have the kids go up to see them. We had to tell her. It was the right thing to do. I'm just really not myself lately

[Lostjoy]

I read your post yesterday, but just didn't know how to respond. Keep posting and writing about your issues if it helps you to get it out. Lots of good people here with good advice. Best wishes for you and your family.

[Alleena616 in reply to Lostjoy]

Thank you. I'm just going thru so much. If it weren't for my kids...I would be done with this so called life. And I know it's bad to say but I am so deep in this hole. I can't get out

[Windy101]

My heart really goes out to you. I'm sure your hormones are bouncing all over the place adding to your feelings of being off-balance, too. The most important thing you can do is take care of yourself by getting on the right medication and getting some real support for all the things you're dealing with, so you can be a happy woman and a happy mom. Sounds like you really need someone to come in and help with childcare, cleaning, errands, etc. I don't know what social services exist in your area, but you are dealing with so much. The sexual abuse issue is also huge. If there is a Rape Crisis Center in your area, they are usually free and will offer support for survivors of abuse. You have a lovely family with sweet babies needing your care so that is also a huge concern, I know. I will pray for you and send warm thoughts your way for strenth and heaing. The fact that you can write about your problems and explain them tells me that you understand what's happening and can work your way through this! We are always here for you, so you are not alone!