I'm suffering from severe depression and anxiety. Living back with aging, Toxic parents . I'm 56 - lost my place to live and my job within 2 days of each other 4 months ago in Florida - now up in the cold northeast for the past 4 months.
Thoughts of ending my life last night.
I'm getting worse.
They want me out. I'm unwanted and unloved. Like crap on their shoe. I'm invisible.
THIS has killed me 100x more.
I'm trapped. They wouldn't believe I'm suffering with an illness..they think I'm laszy and a bum.
I've prayed and prayed.
I fear the worst is yet to come.
I don't wanna die
Written by
Sonny216
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I was just googling looking for help myself and I saw your post. I've just registered on here so I can respond to you!
Please don't give up. Your life is valuable and important and you can get better. I had a total breakdown 4 years ago and tbh think I'm on the verge of one again now...going to Drs hoping they will help.
Nobody knows what to say to others but What I'm trying to say I guess is don't give up. There are others out there you are not alone.
Depression, anxiety PTSD whatever is an illness but as you say not visible. Nobody truly understands how debilitating it can be. I have a good job in London and studying for a Masters Degree and I'm currently to afraid to leave the house-I mean WTF it's so irrational.
There are others out here so please don't feel alone. If you can't stay strong please don't give up.
My husband has depression and i know he went through things alone as a child of a divorced family. His mom is toxic and he grew up with her. He is not open or vulnerable and after 13 yrs of me wanting/lacking connection, due to this, he's trying to learn openness and vulnerability on a support chat before he can do it with me. I dont quite understand it from his side. Im very open but i also received lots of love from my parents. I think he didn't receive love like me so he didn't know how to do that more deeply as he'd like and it is a struggle for him asking often what if he can't love me like I deserve to be loved. He's way hard on himself. I also feel that maybe he can't let me love him or allow himself to be totally loved by me how I can deeply love him. Any advice on how i can Better understand him? Help him. When we argue then I'm the issue fir his depression spiral and he can't come to me to help him. I'm worried for him.
I'm sorry about your parents and that you don't feel loved and supported by them. I'm sorry they are toxic and yes you're not alone. I have anxiety and that doesn't help stuff between my husband and I right now. Do you have an understanding friend that you may be able to live with that is suportive? I have had to make family out of friends because my family doesn't live here and I need family and my husband family doesn't know how to be family to me. It helps to put distance between you and toxic people until you have strength enough to be around them. You know who you are and that you're not what they say you are. Don't listen to them or you will end up way low. That happened to me in my husband's family its taken me years to get myself out of that low.
I know I’m young and afraid of lots in my path but I know that the fear doesn’t help and just if I overcome it will get there where I need to be. Life it’s a journey with bad and good things, with ups and downs but mostly with teachings. Maybe you belong somewhere else and you need to find your new way. Usually most people around us don’t understand us and misunderstand the term of depression and anxiety and in the end it’s your own battle. Keep your head up and find yourself. Love and light. Kisses
Life can be so unfair and hard and utterly impossible to cope with. It may seem like there is no end to the stuff right now and that you have no way out but one...But please hang in there! Reach out, like you have here. We are so so many who DO understand, who have been there and know the pain all too well. Dealing with any type of mental health issues is hard enough even if you have all the support in the world, so if you don't, it is a superhuman task, but you are not alone. You are important. You have to give your future self a chance. I did, against all the odds and I am glad I did because I have made new friends, and my life has changed because time changes things and you just don't know what's around the corner. Today I am grateful to my younger self for not ending it as I would have robbed myself of the life I have now. Please give yourself a chance to prove everyone wrong, including yourself! Just by being alive, you are already a wonderful being, you have a good heart and a wonderful soul. Life has been very hard on you, but don't give up. You are stronger than you think. This is the moment you show that to yourself and others. You will look back on this moment in the future and see how far you have come and how strong it made you. You may even save someone else's life by having gone through this yourself. I believe in you!
Thank you DragonTears - I'm not feeling so Freaked Out and full of panic as I felt last night.
The raging sea has calmed a bit..enough for me to do some things and not think about it.
I think a lot of it is CrAzY making from these toxic parents..
They are projecting their stuff On NE..as if In the bad guy.
I can see this better. These people, my parents (though they brought me into this world)
Are EXTREMELY toxic..
I just have to ride out the storm until I can jump ship and swim to shore. So long as I keep Seeing what the REAL score is, and not buy into their crap, no matter how much they villify me to others
Glad to hear you are feeling a bit calmer. Oh, parents....we seem to think that just because they brought us into the world, they cannot be anything but perfect and we are not allowed to think ill of them ever. But the thing is, I think, that end of the day they are fallible grown ups and just people with faults and issues, just like us. I love my parents dearly and have a great relationship with both, but that only happened after I moved out at 18. We just grew into very different people and it became toxic to live together. Ever since I put distance between us, we are great! Just hang in there and things will start getting better and you will find a way to resolve the situation.
Hi Sonny, I’m sorry you’re going thru this. I also grew up with a toxic Mom who I have decided to remove from my life because she’s never there for me and when she is she’s like the devil in person!! Please don’t take your life. You’re special whether you choose to believe this or not. Don’t give up and remember you’re not alone. I pray to god that your situation gets better and you get the help you need. Take care.
Hi sonny. Are you getting any professional help here in the NE. Are there any social programs in your area that could maybe help you get back on your feet. Please don’t give up. There is help out there you just may need to reach a little further
Thank God, is all I can say. I swear to you, it does get better. It kind of goes in spurts, some good times, then some bad, and back and forth, it’s the nature of mental illness. Five years ago I was at an all-time low, and then everything changed - I got a new job, I found what I thought was the love of my life, and my social life was great. Five years later, I am so-so. The job has turned into a nightmare, the guy - well let’s just say he didn’t turn out to be who I thought he was, and my social life is degrading again. However, I know that just one good thing (a better job, a new guy, working on my social life) could turn it all around again. It did 5 years ago, why not again, why not tomorrow? Keep looking and planning for a brighter future, and it will show up, I promise.
I know your post is old but I just joined and saw it. I hope so much that things have improved. Just want you to know that there are people who care even if your parents don’t.
You are not alone. If I may ask, What made you move up North? Do you have family or friends close? I'm in an anxiety whirl today. I can't calm my mind. Have you tried meditation?
I can so relate! One day at a time, friend. Sometimes one minute at a time is a victory! Please keep your faith. Picture yourself giving over your burdens and feeling the weight lifting.
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