Someone to talk to

[EmilyR1997]

Hi everyone I haven’t wrote on here in years, but I feel so alone. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for 8 years now. I have recently been given a CPN and only 9 weeks ago got out on a mentally abusive relationship. I have a 7 month old daughter and I am really struggling mentally. I feel guilty for feeling this way. Like she deserves a better Mam than me. I am trying so hard. I keep getting knocked. I feel like I am existing for other people and constantly put others before my own needs. It is just the way I am. I am incapable of saying “no” because i feel guilty. I feel like I need to take care of other people but never myself. Tonight I feel like I could disappear and no one would even care. The only thing stopping me from suicide is my daughter. I do not want her to grow up and feel like she wasn’t enough for me to stay. I am fighting so hard. I am currently under medication review so am living with severe depression on no meds. Only propranolol for my anxiety. I have plenty of support around me. Why do I feel so alone. Thanks for reading. I am sorry if I have upset anybody with this post x

[Lostinlonliness]

I am a lot like you. I have a lot of faith in God and know Iam never really alone Rae in Washington

[Butterflyfish-2021 in reply to Lostinlonliness]

Am on a spiritual journey with god and it’s good to know he will never leave or forsake me

[cpdash]

Hi, I don't really know what to say as I have not been in the same situation or end of rope feeling. But you are reaching out and sounds like you have a daughter that needs you! You need to put yourself first for awhile and take care of what you need so that you can be with your daughter and enjoy life with her. I wish I could offer better advice... Just know someone else cares about you and hopes you are able to find what you need to get through all of this!💕❣️🙏🙏

[Cb1963]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles , but, listening to you makes me think you have a really good heart inside you, and you need to give yourself some time to get over your recent relationship difficulties, and enjoy being a young mum, all this has put immense pressure upon you, I have a daughter older than you , and hopefully your cpn can perhaps settle things down over the coming weeks, don't beat yourself up, life is about learning, and we all make mistakes, this is a blib, and you have a lot of things going on, so let your cpn take control of a few things that are worrying you, but you still can be in control of your life, and your little baby girl, that's what matters most, she's company, and the love of your life, so enjoy these precious moments, and yes, you can say 'no' , or one way round it, is to say to people, is" let me think on it", don't be pushed into a corner straight away , like with everything, give things time, and hopefully you'll be feeling better soon, best wishes 😇

[lisa40509]

That people pleasing sucks. I discovered why I do it but still haven’t stopped. My mother is a narcissist and trained me this way, that and my low self esteem. Perhaps you can begin discovering why you do this so that you can stay away from abuse and realize that you deserve (and by being a human) happiness, love and respect. I am so proud of you for showing the strength to get yourself away from abuse. That’s a huge step! Give yourself a pat on the back. Starts writing down all the good things in your life and how they make you feel. Even if 100 of them are about your daughter. Small things like kissing the top of her head. Her smile, etc. When you are feeling low read over your list as a reminder. Eventually add positive things about you on it. I bet you’re a great friend. You’re kind and compassionate, etc. Small steps moving forward are you making positive changes❤️

Warm Wishes, Lisa

[lolanell]

Hi, please learn to love your self by treating yourself with kindness and self encouragement..the people on this site care…try to find humor in the ordinary and read to your daughter…children make the world a better place.

[OldNAnxious]

Hi Emily. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety decades ago and still have it. It's like an old 'war wound' that may never heal. However, I have learnt to live with it. Around the beginning of the pandemic, I was feeling particularly alone, especially as we were all 'locked down' and couldn't get out to see anyone. But surprisingly, that became a good thing, as it showed me that, even though we may live alone (having one or more very young children can be just the same as being alone, I know), we are all a part of this much bigger thing and we are all really the same and a group. This may not help you, but it did me and I hope you can take something from it. I used to go out for long walks and when I would come across other people of whatever age, we would stop and talk together. Mostly about the pandemic of course! But even that was a help. Since then, I have gained both Prostate Cancer and Sciatica in my left leg, so nothing to be cheerful about really, but I treat the depression as just another 'illness' like a cold or flu. I just try to ignore it and get on with life. I always thought of depression as a roller-coaster ride, sometimes you're happy and feeling good about yourself, then you're down in one of the dips and feel terrible. What kept me going, was knowing that eventually, this 'coaster' would climb right back up to the top and life would be great again. As will yours. Good luck to you.

[ZERO_ZEN]

Hi Emily,You have one of the hardest jobs in the world, caring for an infant! I felt similarly after having my sons, too. I'm not sure what to say about the deeper loneliness you are describing as far as an immediate "fix", but a good start may be to utilize the support around you to help care for your baby while you take some time for yourself to do something YOU enjoy. I think it might help to do this on a regular basis, too. Everyone needs an outlet, so you should not feel guilty about that. It does get better, though. However, having "YOU' time to look forward is good for you and your baby because your baby gets to play and enjoy other people too. I hope this helps in some small way.

[EmilyR1997]

Thanks so much everyone. I do feel a little better today. I do sometimes have what I call “hyper” episodes where I feel like the happiest person on the planet but the lows follow after. Like a vicious cycle. I cannot thank yous all enough for the amazing replies. I have read each and every one. The advice from each of you has really really helped me. Thank yous so much ❤️

[c-mac in reply to EmilyR1997]

Hang in there, sister. I have bipolar disorder that's mostly depression and anxiety. I take medicine for it, which, when I found the right one, was perfect. The anxiety still happens, but I find I can deal with that with slow breathing exercises and, for the last 6 months, daily meditation. The meditation especially has a remarkable effect when I do it in the midst of an attack.

Being in your 20s is hard, don't let anyone tell you different. It's especially hard when you are sensitive and intelligent and want to do the right thing, which you obviously are and do.

My kid makes the highs in life higher and the lows in life lower, because everything seems to matter so much more now. But I try to remember that the best thing I can do for her is show her how to deal with adversity with grace. (I really need to hear this right now.) And that includes taking care of myself. When your daughter sees you taking care of yourself, she'll learn to do it, too. And that's the best gift you can give her.

[Midori]

I hear you. I had the same with a violent partner, whom I escaped with 2 small children, but 30 years ago there weren't the resources and infastructure there is now for abused women.

The children kept me going because there wasn't anyone else to help. Eventually I found the secret was to say 'F off' to the voices in my head which told me I couldn't do it, and keep saying it whenever a doubt appeared in my mind.

Just plodding on day to day; yes it got difficult, often there wasn't enough money, and holidays consisted of a long weekend camping, no foreign hols for us. Part time work was all I could get with the kids still small, and keeping the car on the road was a chore in itself.

It can be achieved; You need to find the inner resources, and you can, I promise.

Cheers, Midori

[Hidden]

stay strong!!🫂