Hi, I don't know where to turn to. A year ago my partner tried to suffocate me. I never saw it coming and I was groomed. I find it hard to admit I was vulnerable being a chair user I knew this person lied and I knew I was in an unhealthy relationship and asked the person to leave three times. It was all for money. Now I am numb. I only have two emotions, angry and desperately depressed. I was strong and positive and now I don't understand funny and I question everything I do. I sometimes blame myself and feel shame. I have lost all my family and have one friend I really value. I have disturbing flashbacks that come at me when I least expect it. I live in my bedroom because I act weird around people. I don't know who I am anymore and I hate people telling me to be positive. It's like my soul was stolen. I have sometimes driven hundreds of miles to escape the fear and this person I don't know but it follows me. My ex partner is in prison. I can't describe the way I feel it's so ugly. I have refused the tablets because my ex also drugged me so I have to be alert and on guard. I was refused counseling for a whole year. Now I am angry that no one was there when every day I wanted to be the last. I have developed a stutter and it's embarrassing. I need help. I know I am not unique to this pain. I am so lonely.