In a time trap

Hi, I don't know where to turn to. A year ago my partner tried to suffocate me. I never saw it coming and I was groomed. I find it hard to admit I was vulnerable being a chair user I knew this person lied and I knew I was in an unhealthy relationship and asked the person to leave three times. It was all for money. Now I am numb. I only have two emotions, angry and desperately depressed. I was strong and positive and now I don't understand funny and I question everything I do. I sometimes blame myself and feel shame. I have lost all my family and have one friend I really value. I have disturbing flashbacks that come at me when I least expect it. I live in my bedroom because I act weird around people. I don't know who I am anymore and I hate people telling me to be positive. It's like my soul was stolen. I have sometimes driven hundreds of miles to escape the fear and this person I don't know but it follows me. My ex partner is in prison. I can't describe the way I feel it's so ugly. I have refused the tablets because my ex also drugged me so I have to be alert and on guard. I was refused counseling for a whole year. Now I am angry that no one was there when every day I wanted to be the last. I have developed a stutter and it's embarrassing. I need help. I know I am not unique to this pain. I am so lonely.

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  • I'm so very sorry that you're feeling so lonely and depressed. With depression comes lonely feelings. You also seem to have some PTSD with the flashbacks. Who refused you counseling? I hope you have a way to get it now.

    I've had depression and anxiety for 29 years and have had medications and counseling for those years also. Things have gone very well except for 1 time when I was changing Drs. because my old one was neglecting his present patients due to a messy divorce and child custody hearings.

  • Hello In a time trap

    You have already made a important step; seeking help. Dont give up seeking that help. Anyone on this site that has depression knows your pain. I myself was at one point nonfunctional. Gods grace, medication, therapy, counseling. Helped me come out of the dark pit. A couple of inpatient stays in mental health facility made me stronger and more knowledgeable about depression and anexity. You can get better. Focus on self your self. My family - I went to most all my appts alone. Admitted myself into the hospital, I have a great psychiatrist, counselor. Its one day at a time, you have to take. You can get better.

  • Where there is darkness, there is also light. Thank you for sharing.

  • You may need meds to deal with this. And a therapist. I'm sorry you are going through this.Write back and tell how you are feeling.

  • So you were a strong person before this relationship happened, so you can get back to that again. What was your life like before you got in to this trouble? apart from the mental damage that has been caused, otherwise what would be stopping you?is it that your circumstances have changed?

  • Hello. Please also checkout the 'Heal my PTSD' forum here on HU. They're a group of wonderfully supportive and caring people who will help you all they can.

    Best wishes.

  • I understand what you are going through. My ex-husband viciously bit my face and hand as I was entering my place of employment four months ago. I feel numb inside, detached from people and experience severe emotional meltdowns at times which tend to be triggered by unforeseen circumstances. I have a psychiatrist. I have been on medications for 14 years for depression, anxiety, ADHD and PTSD.

    Most recently, I separated from my fiancé, because I feared getting too close to him (this is a man I had dated for four years prior to meeting my ex-husband), yet I also wanted to have someone there for me to hug and confide in (sort of a catch 22). I asked my fiancé to allow me to have time to heal emotionally after what had happened to me and asked if we could initially work on our friendship. In response, he made the comment, "I don't pity you" in reference to my previous abusive relationship. I have no idea why, but that comment caused me to experience uncontrollable crying for several hours and I have literally been shaking inside.

  • BLESS You. It was taken me a while to get to this point. I became so tired of feeling depressed. I started going to a church, prayer everyday at 6. Teachings on spiritual warefare. It is in the mind the struggle. But, after much prayer, change my thoughts, thru reading scripture. Im so much better. Life and death is in the power of the tongue. ANYTHING anyone says negative, gossiping, i dont listen. I stopped talking about my past hurt. Its done. Its a process its takes time, it take a true desire for GOD. Only GOD throught HIS son Jesus Christ can make us whole. Yes I still take medication,I HAVE FAITH ONE DAY I CAN STOP TAKING IT. FAITH. BELIEVE HE CAN HEAL. WHEN YOU TOTALLY YEILD TO HIM.

  • I lived through same abuse. I had to let go. Not talk about it at all. Those thoughts no longer consume me. Those thoughts depress your mind.

  • In a time trap hi hope today is a little better. What your feeling is normal for what you been through.

    Your said you use to be strong well You still are strong. It takes a strong person to survive and to realize you need help.

    You should consider going to consuler but you may have to go to a few but don't give up you have to find that right one and you will no when you find them . Hang in there keep us posted.

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